I'm too sexy for a job.

So I think I've figured out why I'm having so much trouble landing a regular job.

It's not that there is a recession on, and that the recession hit men harder.
It's not that I'm a history major, and if you look up worthless degree in the dictionary, theres a picture of my degree.
It's not even that as a full time college student, I didnt want to work a full time job AND have an internship, because I believed in something called sleep (And I know, my mistake right?)

No, it turns out that I just cant find a job because I'm too damn sexy for a job.

No seriously it turns out thats a totally valid reason not to hire or to fire someone.

At least thats's what the supreme court said in Iowa. No seriously, in a 7-0 decision the court ruled that you CAN fire an employee for feeling of "irresistible attraction" by their supervisor.


See in this particular case, this sex pot, who I assume looked like ------>,


had been working for her boss for about 10 years, but in the recent few her boss had starting telling her off about her clothing, saying that "if his pants were bulging that was a sign her clothes were too revealing" and telling her about her lack of a sex life  "that's like having a Lamborghini in the garage and never driving it."

And then of course her bosses wife found out about it. And well you can guess how this went. Turned out it wasn't her bosses fault she was so damn sexy, but they needed to remove the temptation. So they did the logical thing and conferred with a pastor, who agreed that in order to save their marriage the hottie had to go. So they fired her.

And here's the thing that's totally freaking legal according to the all male Iowa supreme court, you see "Such firings may be unfair, but they are not unlawful discrimination under the Iowa Civil Rights Act because they are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender" so said the Chief Justice.

And mean after all, the bosses employees were all women, no men. As was the new hire who replaced the sex pot. So again to quote the Chief Justice ""The motives behind Dr. Knight terminating Mrs. Nelson were quite clear: He did so to preserve his marriage."

And see that's cool. obviously the fact that you want to fuck me should totally be a reasonable reason for not hiring me. (which I guess means I should be flattered about all those job interviews that end in me not getting hired.....although then again most of my interviewers were male and I'm straight. But hey at least someone can see my sexiness)

Oh and btw, this is NOT a one off occurrence.

In New Jersery, a woman was fired by her Orthodox Jewish employers for being too busty or at least looking too busty in her outfit of a "form-fitting sequined black dress and black leather, sequin-studded boots" or at least that's what she was wearing when she was told "You are just too hot for this office." and fired.

Now here's the [even more] insane part: While it true that the Orthodox have some rather odd (read Ass-backwards) ideas about how women should dress, these particular Orthodox owned store called "Native Intimates" and by Intimates they mean lingerie. Now see here's the thing, in the ass backwards dress code of the Orthodox, "thongs with hearts placed in the female genital area and boy shorts for women that say 'hot' in the buttocks area." clearly arnt Kosher (so to speak), even though thats what they are selling. Which means even if you buy their bullshit about religious expression/beliefs ect, (and I dont), they clearly arnt following them in this case. So they cant even hide behind that this time.

And now finally a woman was fired by Citibank after being told "as a result of the shape of her figure, such clothes were purportedly 'too distracting' for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear."

Prior to being fired she'd been given a list of clothes she couldnt wear "turtlenecks, pencil skirts, and fitted suits. And three-inch heels."

And lets be honest. I mean who would wear a fitted suit in a business environment? there has never been a successful woman in a suit. Those are totally worn only for sex appeal.

Two trollops who clearly will never be successful women

But look honestly, like I said before, I'm kinda glad about these stories. See now I know my unemployment isn't due to the fact that the economy sucks, so even a guy with a genius level IQ and a college degree cant get hired. Cause see that's depressing as fuck. Instead I have finally learned the truth: I'm too sexy for a job too sexy for a job, so sexy it hurts.

If I was just a bit uglier I'd have a job. So I'm just a bad accident away from full time employment WOOOO! 

But there is a downside here as well. You see I also need to issue an apology to a few of my female friends. See heres the thing, I've find several of you extremely attractive, and I'm sure, since subtly is not my strong suit, that I've been caught checking you out on several occasions, and youve just been too polite to call me out on it. Heck my guess is some of you have been flattered. 

But since most of you are employed, clearly I was wrong. Your not really that hot, or you'd have been fired. And I'm sure now in hindsight my ogling may have accidentally given you false confidence about how attractive you are, instead of using a real gauge  like how quickly you get fired.

Anyways  I just wanted to say the mistake is all mine, clearly I just dont have good taste in hot women, and I apologize for the confusion.  From now on I will wait until after you have been fired, and therefore confirmed as hot before checking you out. And I realize given my troubles in getting work I am clearly god's gift to women and by far the sexiest beast you have ever seen. Which makes my false positives all the more embarrassing. Again I'm sorry.