The Republican Races......REDUX!

So yea, as any loyal readers (HA) to this blog know, my last 3 entries all involved showing how most of the GOP presidential field are clowns.

HOWEVER, I've never been accused of having the best timing. As I was writing those 3 entries, it turned out the evidence of clownlessness ( not a real word, so what?)  increased dramatically.

Also for the same reason, I've removed Cruz and Paul's immunity from this one.....since this just piles more clownage on top of the already proven.

We'll start off, as all good reaming's should, with Santorum.... ok so way the heck back in part 1 of my 3 parter that Rick Santorum basically said the Pope shouldnt talk about climate change only scientist could.  Which got kinda awkward since as it turns out, before becoming Pope, the Pope was in fact a scientist albeit a chemist.

Plus theres the whole problem of Santorum continuing to talk about climate change himself.

Or as FOX new's Chris Wallace put it: "If he shouldn't talk about it, should you?"

To which Satorum dug himself a bigger hole by replying  "We have to make public policy with regard to the environmental policy. … The point is, whether we like it or not, people in government have to make decisions with respect to our public policy that affect American workers."

So its cool for politicians to talk about it, because unlike scientists politicians make policy....scientists are just you know edumacted (sic).

Now luckily for the Pope, who I'm sure is still smarting from being to shut his whore mouth by God's Chosen Voice on Earth (Santorum), I've got some good news:

Vatican City is actually a recognized country. And the Pope is the elected head of that country. Which means the Pope is actually a politician, So he has to make decisions with respect to public policy that effect his constitutions....the Catholic Church.

So yea, I guess according to Rick Santorum, the pope can say whatever the fuck he wants.....unless Rick Santorum disagrees because according to Rick Santorum he out ranks the Pope.

Glad we cleared that up.

Moving on to clown #2...or more accurately clown's #2, #3 and #4. That being Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Bobby Jindal (who I'm sure is absofuckinglutly thrilled to be the Moe to Larry and Curly on this one)

So, quick question: "Who is the greatest LIVING president?"

Now this shouldnt be a hard question, because there are only 5 possible answers. So how did the Republican Presidential Candidates do?

“I was a big fan, a very big fan of Ronald Reagan,”- Donald Trump
“Certainly the greatest president of recent generations was Ronald Reagan.” - Ted Cruz
“Obviously the greatest president of my lifetime is Ronald Reagan,” - Bobby Jindal.

So yea, heres the problem for those of you just waking up from an over a decade long coma.....Reagan is dead. No matter what you think of Reagan, he's not a valid answer to LIVING president.

Of course to be fair, this actually IS a hard question if your a Republican, as Rick Santorum's answer showed: “Probably a Bush,”. On the one hand, Rick Santorum's answer is valid...but on the other hand, talk about some shitty ass choices.

Yet another reason why the Republican Reagan Reverence, that they are forced to have, against their will or otherwise, is hurting them.

By the way, speaking of hard questions.....time to send in the next clown.

Senator Marco Rubio was on FOX news, and they asked him the mother of all fucking softball questions "Since you say you love the Wu-Tang Clan, who is your favorite member?"

To which Rubio's answer was ".....no....."

Dude fucking seriously? I mean I maybe can get not "understanding the question" when someone asks you if we should invade Iraq (again see part 1), but damn getting asked about things you yourself say you like and do is too fucking hard for you? Shit even I can name ODB (Ol Dirty Bastard) and I dont even like or listen to Wu Tang.

To be honest, that might actually be worse that Sarah Palin's answer about what newspapers she reads because she at least wasnt the one that brought up the subject of newspaper.

I mean damn son, if your going to pretend to like shit to pander for votes at least read the fucking Wikipedia page so you can name 1 god damn thing about them.

And now, we bring out the Clown King.

So yea, everyone remember the auto bailout? which you know basically saved american auto manufacturing? yea well,...it seems the some in the GOP kinda forgot.

Like say Ted Cruz, who last week said this about the bailouts:

"I don't think the federal government should be engaged in bailouts, Those industries would have survived and would have thrived." 

Which is kinda awkward because the industries DID survive and ARE thriving... Cruz seems to think they died off and went away given that he's speaking of their current status in the past tense. But then again Ted Cruz being out of touch with reality should surprise NO ONE.

In fact, he is going to stick around for our next and final entry....and this time he's going to be joined by the Clown Prince Rand Paul....

So who here has heard of Jade Helm? I'm going to hope for the love of national intelligence and sanity, no many of you. if you havnt (and I'm hoping that most of you) its the newest right wing conspiracy theory.

The gist of it is pretty simple: The military of the United States of America is gearing up for an all out invasion, and American take over of Texas in their latest training exercise.

Now I know what pretty much all of you are thinking. Hey wait a minute isnt Texas already part of the United States?

To which I say, congratulations your smarter than a republican presidential candidate.

Say for example Rand Paul, who gave this anwser when first asked "You know I've gotten a few questions about it on the road and I really don't—I'm not sure about exactly what is going on with that.[...]“We’ll look at that also"
Now on the one hand, I'm glad Paul didnt know about it, means hes not that tapped into crazy. On the other, that answer is incorrect. The correct answer is "of course the US military is in Texas, Texas is part of the US" and then if you want to pander "In fact the largest US military base, Fort Bragg, is in Texas and I plan on making a major stop there to thank all our brave men and women for their service"  
But hey, hopefully one of Rand Paul's staffers looked at a map for him when he looked into it......

But at least he did better than the Clown King Cruz who said
""My office has reached out to the Pentagon to inquire about this exercise,"

Can i just say, I hope for the love of god whoever got that request sent back a fucking map of the United States with a big ass circle around Texas.  And perhaps a note asking Ted Cruz what he THINKS his job is, cause he's the senator FROM texas and doesnt know what country he's in. And then hopefully forwarded the note from Cruz to the State Department so they can see if he's been illegally claiming diplomatic immunity as a foreign diplomat....

By the way special mention to former Texas Governor Rick Perry here too. he also got asked about Jade Helm.  His reply was its not going to happen.....but somehow he still fucked up.

“It’s OK to question your government. I do it on a regular basis, But the military is something else. Our military is quite trustworthy. The civilian leadership, you can always question that, but not the men and women in uniform.”
in otherwords, its actually a fair question to wonder if the Unites States government wants to invade the United States. It wont happen cause the military is loyal to the United States.....even the parts of it too fucking stupid to realize they are in the country.

I mean look in all fairness to Cruz and Perry, I realize that there have been 2 different occasions in which Texas was not part of the United States (1836-1846 and 1861-1865) but come on guys....its been a bit too long to get fucking confused on this point.

Now the good news is, that really was the final entry. After 4 parts I can finally wrap up this look at the republican presidential field.

The bad news though is that (baring a shocking late entry) there is an 100% chance one of this idiots will actually win the nomination. (although that is probably great news to the Democrat's nominee)