Walmart's really really stupid new idea.

So heres a lucky bonus for my readers (or single reader sadly) who live in the US, next time you order something on-line from walmart, you might actually get to meet me.

And no I didnt get a new job, and no I dont work for walmart. But thanks to Walmarts new idea, I no longer need to actually be employed by walmart or anyone actually, to have your personal property turned over to me before I give it to you.

See Walmart needs to compete with Amazon these days, and if you've ordered anything from Amazon you know that stuff gets to you REAL quick, usually faster then they claim it will (at least in my experience).

Walmart just cant keep with that. Now of course their is a pretty obvious solution, hire more employees for their own delivery service Walmart To Go. But that would cost money.

Or they could up their contracts with FEDEX and UPS to carry their goods. But that also would cost money.

Or they could just let me do it. And thats pretty cheap. So what with walmart being walmart, thats the option they decided to go with.

Here's how it works. I (or anyone else) go to walmart as a shopper and I give them my address, they notice your house happens to be on my way home. So they ask me if I would be willing to drop off your item for you on the way, in exchange for a discount roughly equivalent to my gas money. If I say yes, I get the discount on my purchase and then they hand me your item and address send me on my way to your house.

Or at least you better hope that's where I'm going. I mean who knows where I might end up. See FEDEX/UPS Deliveries are insured, not to mention tracked and the company is accountable for delivery. Makes it rather hard for the driver to steal something no matter how much he wants to....

But me? well I anit accountable to anyone to deliver shit nor as an individual operating without a contract do I have any legal obligation to deliver anything, and Walmart's liability ends when they turn over the package.

So good luck getting that big screen TV you just paid for (which by the way looks AWESOME in my living room). Unless of course your name sounds sexy. Maybe a "Monica" or a "Rachel" or "Phoebe" (just to pic 3 names totally at random that never had a connection between them :P). Then I might well show up at your house.

I mean I still might not bring your stuff, but I can at least park across the street and check to see if you really are the slender brunette with the amazing legs that I hope you are. And if you are, it wont be too hard to follow you to, and then "accidentally" bump into you at the supermarket, or your favorite bar/club or the Laundromat and we can "get to know each other".

Or maybe I will bring your stuff. I mean after all, if you can afford this super nice big screen TV, you probably have a bunch of other really nice shit too. Blue Ray player,  Wii U, PS4, A couple of Kindle's and possibly a shit ton of jewelry or sports memorabilia. And I mean I would never ever know about any of it unless I was around to help you carry your new TV into the house.  Then all i got to do is come back later on your "date night" and I can actually have even more then just your TV.

Just one quick favor please, if your a gun owner please keep track of when you might have a package coming. I dont really plan on dressing up for my deliveries, and I dont want you to think some punk in a t-shirt and jeans is trying to break into your house, when really I'm just delivering your new camera. I mean it would be a shame to get shot before I get the chance to come back and take all your stuff.

I'm just saying, I may be a rapist stalker thief, but I shouldnt be exposed to any extra risk simply because you decided to order from a company stupid enough to give me your name, address, and property, just so they could save a few bucks on not having to pay someone they could actually vouch for/be accountable for an hourly salary. (which to be fair would make it hard to have Extra Low prices, Always)

So please, put the gun down and let me in.....and then never leave your house again. Also if you wouldnt mind saving me some time, leave a picture of yourself at walmart, that way I wont have to waste time tracking you down if your not a leggy brunette, also the picture will help ensure deliver and a date if you are a leggy brunette....or even a leggy blonde, I'm really not that picky. Also lastly, if somehow, oddly I dont deliver your package, your more then welcome to come to my house and pick it up. My address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington, D.C. Just tell the man at the gate you think the homeowner stole from you, he will take care of you from there.