I know I know, I said I would have this done by Sunday and its Monday. But I'm not late. See I never said which Sunday I would have part 2 done by :P.
Seriously though, to recap, or for those who skipped part 1, last week the RNC release a 100 page postmortem (again their word) on the republican party.
Specifically they want to avoid another whooping like the one they took in 2012. In part 1 we covered the first 23 pages all devoted to how the republicans were planning on reaching out to minorities. ***SPOILER ALERT*** they are going to say the exact same things they have been saying but be browner and have tits while saying them.
So now in part 2 we are going to cover the remaining 77 pages. I know its not an even split, but the truth is most of that 77 pages focuses on fixing the technical aspects of campaigning and isnt nearly as funny or easy to mock so I needed more source material.
First up, in the "DUH" category the republican suggestion on how to turn out more voters
"Working with other committees and state parties, the RNC must design, fund, and implement an aggressive early voting and absentee effort for target races in 2013. The program must task the field team with the responsibility for local follow-up on voters contacted about early voting. Where possible, early voting prospects should not be absorbed into a national follow-up program, but remain a primary concern of the local campaign and Victory team "
Translation: we really need to have people show up to vote on all the days they can vote and not forget where those people live.
Like I said DUH. I mean really if you needed to commission a study to discover that in order to win an election you actually need to take every opportunity to bring voters to the polls, you guys really are in major trouble.
Followed later in the report by these two gems:
"Where possible, the RNC should encourage and support the hiring of locals who are known to be active in a particular area for participation in field operations."
"State parties should create a specific program for follow-up with new registrants. One thing we learned during our 72-hour program testing is to treat a newly registered voter uniquely, making certain they know their polling location and how to vote early or absentee."
Again really? you actually needed someone to tell you hiring people to go door to door who actually know where the doors are and actually making sure people know HOW to vote is a good idea?
Seriously guys, I'm starting to think the question shouldnt be "how did we lose so badly?" but "how the fuck did we manage to do so well when a second grader has more common sense then we do?"
And sadly actually making sure people know how and when to vote isnt the biggest problem they have
"The RNC should recruit and hire a chief technology and digital officer for the RNC by May 1, 2013, whose experience and background sends a strong and immediate signal that we are serious about growing our digital and tech operations and data integration. The chief technology and digital officer should identify, recruit and hire a working group of data scientists, tech and digital advocates to build a structure that can eventually be deployed during the 2014 midterm elections and the 2016 presidential race to provide a 21st century digital, data and tech operation for our candidates."
Once again, YOU NEEDED A MILLION DOLLAR STUDY TO TELL YOU IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO HIRE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE A COMPUTER!?!?!?!?!
And once again, its not an isolated reference to a total lack of common sense about modern things.
"Train campaign managers and candidates in basic media terminology and media budgeting/
management. Campaigns spend the bulk of their budget on advertising placement,
and our survey shows that television is second only to personal contact as an effective
communications tool. Yet most managers are uncomfortable admitting that they do not really
know what a GRP is or what cookies do. Consequently, they do not know the right questions
to ask their consultants or how to best manage them"
But even the TOTAL apprent lack of how technology works isnt the saddest revelation.
"Targeted media demands targeted messages. The one-spot-fits-all model used by Republican
presidential campaigns since the Reagan era is no longer enough. On television, Obama ran
at least four separate media schedules, each with a different series of creative executions.
Pollsters, ad producers, and media buyers working together can determine the right mix
of creative executions and media weight"
Wow you mean the country is NOT homogeneous? 1956 called, they want their epiphany back......
Now with all the technical stuff out of the way, we get to my favorite part of the autopsy, the analysis of the primary process. This is my favorite part because it includes some of my favorite suggestions yet.
"The number of debates should be reduced by roughly half to a still robust number of approximately 10 to 12, with the first occurring no earlier than September 1, 2015, and the last ending just after the first several primaries (February – March 2016)."
In other words, lets talk to people less and give them less of a chance to know where we stand on issues and what we think. To be fair its not a bad suggestion given that "legitimate rape" "please proceed governor" "I like being able to fire people" cheering killing people, and booing gay soldiers did all happen at various GOP debates, and that is why they got their asses kicked.
But I'm not entirely sure thats addressing the problem as much as a symptom.
Oh except I forgot, there is an exception to that first suggestion and its the second suggestion:
"After the first several primaries (February – March 2016), candidates themselves should decide whether they want to accept or decline additional debates. In the event the Party is in a position similar to the Democratic primary of 2008, the candidates and the GOP may gain by holding additional debates. At that stage, it should be up to the candidates to decide. The Party’s limits will not apply after that time"
Translation: rule one applies.....unless the Democrats are kicking our asses in which case, just do whatever the Democrats are doing.
But back to following the first suggestion we have two more suggestions about making sure people have less time to learn where the nominees stand, and less time/chances for the nominee to say anything stupid.
"The Republican Convention should be held earlier in the summer. It should be moved to late June or sometime in July, allowing our nominee more time to begin the general election phase. (Note: The 2016 Olympics will be held August 5–21.)"
"Because the nominee will still need an estimated 60–90 days to prepare for the Convention,
changes will need to be made to the primary calendar. If the Convention were to be held
in July, the last primary would need to be held no later than May 15. If the Convention
were to be held in late June, the final primary would need to be held no later than April 30.
Moving primaries up will require states and state parties to cooperate." In short we need to unify the party as soon as possible and really, we need to give less time for our own side to point out why we suck. Because see thats the problem when all of your ideas are basically scams, all it takes is someone to point out the scam and you no longer have an idea. Clearly giving our own side less time to point out the scams is easier then actually coming up with various working solutions that could be defended. Well except our base is insane and we cant defend anything they would want.
Ok so that ^ actually wasnt shorter then what the RNC said. So let me try again.
The entire RNC postmortem can be boiled down to 4 points
1) Say the exact same things we have been saying but be browner and have tits while saying it.
2) Learn to use technology invented after 1950
3) Teach our base how to vote
4) Spend less time talking among ourselves/letting people know what we think.
Yep there you go. It took 3 months, thousands if not millions of dollars and the best minds in the Republican Party to come up with those 4 "solutions" to the problems plaguing the GOP. Most of which a second grader could have come up with in 10 minutes, and a third grader could explain how they are actually kinda missing the problems in 15 minutes.
But on the upside I think we have all gained a deeper understanding of what exactly is wrong with the GOP.....
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