Coroner's report: Republican edition (part 1 minority outreach)

So for those who dont know yesterday the Republican National Committee released, what even they are calling an "autopsy" on the republican party.

Now the vernacular name here is quite telling. See an Autopsy is something you preform on a dead body, so this is a tacit admission by the RNC that the republican party is basically dead.

The good news is, being dead is cool. Zombies are in.

The GOP in their free time working as extras on "The Walking Dead"

Seriously though, I mean really I think the first sign of how dysfunctional the GOP is at the moment comes from the fact they named what is supposed to be a report/study on re-branding, and thereby growing and expanding their party an autopsy, a name that implies its too late to do anything.

Now look I'll be fair there are some suggestions in the 100 page autopsy that are actually good ideas:

"We have to blow the whistle at corporate malfeasance and attack corporate welfare. We  should speak out when a company liquidates itself and its executives receive bonuses but rank-and-file workers are left unemployed. We should speak out when CEOs receive tens of millions of dollars in retirement packages but middle-class workers have not had a meaningful raise in years."

Just as one example. The problem is for each good idea there are about 10 really bad or just awkward ones.

Some of the greatest hits:

"our candidates and office holders need to do a better job talking in normal, people-oriented terms"

Well ya'll said it, not me. Republicans dont speak like normal people. Right Mitt 47% Romney, and Todd Legitimate Rape" Akin?

Seriously though, damn their wasnt a better way to phrase that? I mean your not doing any favors by putting in writing that your party doesnt talk like "normal" people.....

"For the GOP to appeal to younger voters, we do not have to agree on every issue, but we do need to make sure young people do not see the Party as totally intolerant of alternative points of view. Already, there is a generational difference within the conservative movement about issues involving the treatment and the rights of gays — and for many younger voters, these issues are a gateway into whether the Party is a place they want to be."

Which is why we shut GOProud and other pro gay GOP groups out of the CPAC convention just 48 hours ago......really that should teach the lesson of tolerance of others views.

In that same vein,

"If we want ethnic minority voters to support Republicans, we have to engage them, and show our sincerity."

For the record, engage does not mean talk about how great slavery was at the CPAC convention. Specifically not to have it brought up at your “Trump The Race Card: Are You Sick And Tired Of Being Called A Racist When You Know You’re Not One?” workshop. Just saying, tolerance: You're doing it wrong"

Later on in the report, the RNC suggests looking to state level republicans as a model of how to act. Awkwardly enough one of their picks for roll model:

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie saved retirees their pensions through pension reform, which also resulted in taxpayers saving $120 billion over 30 years. "

And then he said something nice about Obama. And pretty much ever since your entire party treated him as a pariah and want nothing to do with him. Just saying if your suggestion is to follow the lead of the state level republicans, might not be a great idea to functionally exile your state level roll models.

Even later in the 100 plus page report, they have an entire section on how to reach out to Hispanic's ....and the very first suggestion just proves they still dont understand the problem.

"The RNC should hire Hispanic communications directors and political directors  for key states and communities across the country. "

Yea see here's the thing, its not the "brownness" of the messenger that is your problem. Its the message.

Thats why despite having Marco Rubio play point man on your immigration reform ideas, people still dont like it compared to the democratic version.

And this is why, despite the honest truth that (with the exception of African Americans) I can name more nationally known minorities in the GOP then the Democratic party, minorities still dont like you.

When Marco Rubio, Bobby Jindal, Tim Scott, Alan West, ect say the same things white republicans say that minorities dont like....people still dont like it.

Their last point in that same section, and the section on Asian Americans, and the section of African Americans, just doubles down on that same failure to get the issue

"The RNC and State Parties should make every effort to feature and use diverse committee members." 

Instead of say, the most qualified or people who can do the best job. Again I look at Rubio and Jindal as exhibit A/B as to why this is a problem.

Also correct me if I'm wrong, but isnt the entire GOP argument against affirmative action that minorities are featured and used simply because they are minorities  I'm having trouble seeing how this isnt actually doing just that thing.....

 And then we reach the suggestions to reach out to Women, and this is where the real fun is. And by real fun, I mean most obvious case of their own ass backwards antiquated beliefs blinding them from actually seeing the problem.

"Female voters want to hear the facts; many of them run the economies of their homes and understand economics better than the men in their families. But they are also the caregivers for their families."

Yea see heres the thing, with almost no effort I can come up with more examples then I have fingers of families in which the first question they have about that, for a variety of reasons is "What men?"

And I can also think of many families (my own included) in which most/all of the household economics are handled by the men, simply because as it turns out, they happen to be better at it.

Same thing with the caregiver part, their are plenty of families in which the man is actually is actually the primary care giver.

And again, like with the minorities, the GOP sees convinced outreach to women is directly proportional to the number of people who lack a penis.

The end of the section I quoted above is :

"and we need to do a better job communicating why our policies are better, while using female spokespeople to do it."   

and another idea in that same section says in part:

"Many female voters feel that Washington, D.C., is a city full of politicians that simply don’t listen and don’t understand what their daily lives are like. Female candidates are far better at connecting with these voters because they are more likely to understand them."

This is the same logic that convinced the GOP in 2008 they could pick up all the disgruntled Hilary supports because they had Sarah Palin on the ticket, and both Hilary and Palin lack a penis.

Didnt work then, isnt gonna work now. Just like the minorities, its not about the messenger.    

Basically what the outreach part of the GOP report comes down to is: change nothing but get someone browner and without a penis to say it.

Good luck with that.

And by the way, there is more, but I think this is a long enough article for now. When i do get around to writing part 2, that will focus on the larger half of the report, how the GOP wants to restructure campaigns so they dont do as bad. And sadly for them, it may be even more humorous then outreach part. As an preview, one of their suggestions to getting a more electable candidate is "less debates" cause letting people know what they think is a problem......