The 14th Amendment is destroying the GOP.

You know its taking a lot of time and thought, but I think I finally figured out what EXACTLY is wrong with the Republican Party....it's called the 14th amendment and as to its effect on the GOP....

Thats right, its tearing the GOP apart.....which is ironic given that the 14th Amendment is basically as republican as any amendment ever, having been passed by the GOP back during the civil war, in what was basically a time of single party rule (both chambers of congress being 80% republican, with a republican president (sorta, A. Johnson) and all but 2 SCOTUS members being republican appointments)

And actually its more specific than that, its the first section thats doing all the damage:

"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

See how damning that is?  No, alright let me explain.

So on social issues the GOP has two major fights they want to pick, immigration and abortion.

Ok so Scott Walker, Republican Presidential candidate, just weighted in on the idea of granting Birthright Citizenship, which is basically the idea that, if your born here, your automatically an american citizen.,..also known as the first sentence of the 14th amendment.

Walker was specfically asked if we should end the idea. And his answer was:
" [I]ts not right for this country, I think that’s something– yeah, absolutely, going forward,”

Now the reason for this is that removing birthright citizenship ALSO removes the idea of anchor babies/the children of illegal immigrants who are born here being american.

Now to be fair to Walker, the reason he was asked about this is because he stands FAR from alone,

In fact, just out of the GOP presidential field, Donald Trump, John Kasich, Rand Paul, Chris Christie and Lindsey Graham agree with him on this one.

 So yea, a lot of Republicans see this as a quick fix to immigration biggest problem...separating families cause the underage kids are americans and the parents arnt.

Nice easy way to solve the problem right?

Stay turned.

Then on the otherside we have those like Mike Huckabee, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and Rick Santorum, who believe the 14th amendment solves abortion.

So the argument here is pretty simple, the 14th amendment says you can not be denied the right to life without due process. And as life begins at conception, that applies to fetuses.

Now yes I did mock Huckabee for being a dumbass recently for claiming that protection already exists, but its worth noting some slightly more sane republicans are calling for extending the 14th amendment to include fetus, but admitting its currently not doing so,

Anyways, if the fetus is a life, and citizenship begins at life beginning/conception, abortion legally becomes murder and cant be allowed because it violates the fetuses right to life.

Seems simple enough right?

 Well now we get to the fun part


Lets consider what would happen to one issue, if the other issue won on the 14th amendment.

For example, if the 14th amendment was repealed, it would become easier to deport people.

BUT it would also make abortion basically impossible to stop on any kind of moral grounds.

After-all, we would have just removed the ONLY thing in US law that suggests EVERYONE born in the country has rights. Basically if we decide a child (who under any definition is a "living human") doesnt necessarily have the rights of citizens, explicitly including a right not to be killed, how in the hell could you argue a microscopic mass of cells has any access to those same rights? In fact you would have just made it legal to totally dismiss any evidence that that mass of cells is a "living human" as irrelevant anyways.

So yea, this would "solve" immigration for Republicans.....and cost them abortion.

But maybe it works better the other way around right? not so much.

Ok so we extend the 14th amendment to Fetuses.

The good news for Republicans, abortion is pretty much illegal.

The bad news: anchor sex.

Ok so one of the main gripes against illegals by the by the GOP is the idea of "anchor babies". These being children born to illegals but in the united states, thereby making the children Americans (who can not be deported as they are in their country of origin) who shouldn't be separated from their parents.....thereby making the whole family less likely to be deported.

Now imagine that same situation....but instead of needing to sneak into the country and stay long enough for the child to be born (likely 6-9 months as it gets harder to illegally cross later in pregnancy due to health concerns) it takes 1 night.

Because as long the conception took place in the good ol' USA....that kids an American if we decry citizenship beings at conception.

Oh and here's the other thing, nothing illegal has to happen either for a foreign national to have an american baby.

Now say a Turkish couple (just picked country at random), are on vacation to say Disney World (one of the most visited places in the world and about 25% of their visitors are international so a very likely possibility). And of course these Turks likely have perfectly valid american tourist visas.

And then they fuck....and nine months later have a baby back in turkey. Well that baby is all american...cause he was conceived here. And nothing illegal happened. But we now have an underage american citizen entitled to visit his homeland....and of course he's gonna need adult supervision.

So welcome Momma and Poppa Turk....I guess your going to be here soon too.

So yea, expanding the 14th amendment will kill abortion.....and any chance in hell of "protecting" our borders, since there are going to be a fuck ton more foreign born Americans running around....all of whom by the way, will be capable of popping out little Americans of their own when they come of age.

But hey, on the bright side, it wont take all that long for the entire world to see this as their national anthem:

So yea, there you have it. The most republican amendment in america...which needs to be expanded/eliminated to save America from its two major social issues....at least according to the party that came up with the amendment in the first place.....

No wonder these guys have such a hard time sounding reasonable.....their solutions are all contradictory.

 

These are the voyages of the Starship Asinine....... (This month in stupid)

So while I've been busy rating flags, and evaluating the president debate, the great flood of stupid has continued unabated. What I'm getting at is that its time for another installment of "this week in stupid  (give or take 7 weeks)"

Anyways leading off the pack this time is Former Alaska Gove Sarah Palin (yes I know Gove isnt the shortened form of Governor but it is exactly half the word....hopefully now you get it) who had a suggestion for California Gov. Jerry Brown on how to deal with the drought affecting his state:

"You might ask, though, why don’t they just fix the infrastructure problem, why don’t they just build more reservoirs and plants? After all, California is a coastal state. It’s got a whole ocean right there, water all around ya"

Now Alaska's most avid reader is correct, you MIGHT ask that question.....if you know you hadnt passed the 2nd grade. Cause the rest of us know that reservoirs dont come pre filled. If you dont have any water, digging a hole to put it in doesnt really help you.

Or perhaps the Russia-watcher thinks you can drink ocean water. Which actually would explain a lot.

Again for those of you who havnt passed second grade, Ocean water is Salt water, humans need to drink freshwater. In fact Salt water is so bad for humans that too much of it will kill you. Before it kills you however it can also cause massive brain trauma by decreasing blood flow to the brain.

Now I dont want to speculate here, but Alaska has the longest coastline in the US, and its all saltwater....and Mrs. Palin has spent considerable time standing on the states island outskirts looking for a rouge soviet. Presumably she got thirsty at some point and tried to drink alot of the closest water source......

Moving on,

Si Robertson, one of the stars of Duck Dynasty, who was asked about his opinions on religion and offered up this Gem:

"I don’t believe — there's no such thing as an atheist Because there's too much documentation. Our calendars are based on Jesus Christ."

"Whether you believe in Him or not, every time you sign your calendar, you write down the day's date, you're saying He's here,"

First off, who the fuck signs a calendar? Like seriously, I dont need to self autograph something that hangs in my kitchen.

Secondly there's the idea the calendar is based on Jesus Christ.....which is kinda weird since the modern Gregorian Calendar was first introduced in 1582.....which for those keeping track at home is about 90 years after Columbus sailed the ocean blue....forget about Jesus. And that calendar didnt gain universal western usage until 1914 (when it was adopted by the Russians) Heck it wasnt even used in the British Empire until 1752. Which it late enough that if you asked guys like Washington, John Adams, John Jay, Jefferson, Sam Adams, Franklin or John Hancock when their birthday's were they would give you more than one answer.

And as to today's date, it would be August 16th. August (like all the months) dates back to the Julian Calendar, which was first created in 45BC.....so yea, we missed Jesus again. and the Month itself was named after Augustus Caesar.

Now I know what your thinking, shouldnt this guy get some credit for the year at least 2015 AD should be 2015 years after Jesus. Except not so much as research (by the churches) suggest that Jesus was likely born around 7BC. Oops....

Next up Maine Gov. Paul LePage.

Ok so back in early July a story broke that LePage was trying to pocket veto a law his disagreed with.

For those who dont know the term, a pocket veto is when the executive branch Veto's a bill by refusing to take action (sign or veto) on it for X number of days (in Maine's case 10) BUT this can only happen if the legislative branch is out of session. Otherwise a refusal to take action on a bill means it is considered passed and law.

Problem for LePage was that his legislature wasnt out of session. Oops.

But actually thats not the end of the story. See turned out that bill wound up being 1 of 19 bills LePage was trying to (and failed too ) pocket Veto because he didnt understand the law of his own government.

BUT WAIT, there's more. When it was first pointed out to LePage he might be wrong about this, he decided to double down on his position by opting to attempt to Pocket veto more laws....to a grand total of 65.

So LePage decided to take his case to the supreme court of Maine.....who ruled unanimously against him.

Meaning that 65 bills this guy opposed became law because he was too stupid to understand how a pocket veto works.......

Speaking of Governors who dont understand their own states laws, we turn to Governor and pretend presidential candidate (by which I mean I have a better chance of being president than he does, and I'm not actually eligible this election) Bobby Jindal.

So following the fall of the confederate battle flag, pressure has ramped up to take down other confederate symbols as well. Namely for this case 4 monuments in Jindals state of Louisiana.

So Jindal invoked his states Heritage Act to protect the monuments.

Now normally this is the part where I would show you the relevant passages of the Act, how it defines Heritage and how the monuments are or are not covered......but this time I cant.

Not because I'm trying to be misleading, or partisan or what have you....I cant do it because there is no such thing as the Heritage Act in Louisiana.

Now to be fair, there is one in South Carolina, that requires a 2/3rds vote of the state legislature to remove or alter any confederate memorials...but nothing in Louisiana.

yea, it seems Gov Jindal kinda forgot what state he lived in, and/or what laws actually apply to his state. Which means I personally cant wait to see him campaign in his home state of New Maryland err I mean South Georgia....no wait West Iowa.....


Speaking of Republicans running for President as a joke...our winner this time out, winning both for quantity of stupid comments AND the quality of stupid comments: Gov. Mike Huckabee.

Alright so first Huckabee said this:"This president's foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians, By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven."

Oh look a Holocaust Reference....these NEVER go over well. Goes over a little worse when your comparison is that "stopping Iran from getting a nuke they could use to mass murder jews is the same as mass murdering jews"

But like most of our stories IT DIDNT STOP THERE

We called on his odd analogy Huckabee had this to say:

“When I talked about the oven door, I have stood at that oven door. I know exactly what it looks like.”

Um......oh boy.

So for those who dont know, Huckabee is Southern Baptist, who was born in 1955. I mention this because the last Nazi death camp was shut down January 27, 1945, having killed a total of ZERO Southern Baptists.

Meaning its highly unlikely that Huckabee was any near those oven doors when that might actually have been....you know....a threat........

Look I'm just saying, I've seen pictures of whipped slaves, but that doesnt mean I can say I saw the savages of slavery X number of times and know exactly what they look like......

To be fair to Huckabee though, this isnt even remotely close to the first time he's compared something to the holocaust. Take for example this comment from November of last year about Abortion:

“If you felt something incredibly powerful at Auschwitz and Birkenau over the 11 million killed worldwide and the 1.5 million killed on those grounds, cannot we feel something extraordinary about 55 million murdered in our own country in the wombs of their mothers?”


I mention this because the day making his Oven Comment Huckabee was asked about abortion, specifically if he would use federal forces, like say the FBI and the National Guard to prevent people from getting legal abortions. His response.:

“We’ll see, if I get to be president”

Which he followed up by pointing to a previous decision in which he claimed a president had decided to overrule a supreme court decision via use of federal forces....Abraham Lincoln and the Dred Scott Decision, and the use of federal forces being what most of us call the Civil War......

But wait, as per usual today THERE'S MORE.

So earlier today, Huckabee was asked about a 10 year old rape victim who was forced by her government (Paraguay) to birth her rapists child.....despite the much higher health risks to both mother and daughter (including potential death for either or both). And well it turns out, thats how he would have handled it too.

So to sum up, According to Gov Huckabee:

Making a deal to prevent a ton of people (most of them likely jewish) from being killed (by a nuke)= Holocaust

Using state power to prohibit a sub section of citizens (women in this case) from exercising their legal rights (abortion), to the point of using potential military force (national guard/the lincoln civil war comparison) even in situation is which stopping them might lead to lasting psychological damage and possible death = Nothing like the Holocaust.


So yea, congratulations Gov Huckabee for being the stupidest person of the month (only because this blog doesn't count all time)

Also congratulations to Donald Trump, as it turns out you are in fact only the SECOND most dangerously stupid person running for President.......

How the GOP field looks after Debate 1.

So I did the highlights yesterday, but the question I didnt really answer is whose outlook coming out of the debate looks brightest.  The way this works, I'm going to start with the Candidate I think has the bleakest future and move up. However after each number showing the candidates present prospects, I will also list a second number in () after the name, which is the "number" based on the polls going into the debate. So for example #1 Clinton, (10) would mean the candidate (Clinton in this fictional case) who currently looks the best, came in to the debate with the worst support in the polls. Anyways, with the explanations out of the way, here we go.

#10, Chris Christie (#9).

Yea so Christie entered the debate barely treading water as it was, and well turned in a natural disaster of a debate performance. His only memorable performance came when Rand Paul verbally bitch smacked the hell out of him over warrantless surveillance, which Christie claimed he understood the vital need for better Paul, having been appointed US attorney for the District of NJ the day before 9/11....which sounds good maybe, but isnt in fact true.

Also when taunted by Paul for hugging President Obama, Christie once again tried to pull from the 9/11 well with the extremely odd line of

"Senator Paul, you know, the hugs that I remember are the hugs that I gave to the families who lost their people on September 11th. Those are the hugs I remember, and those had nothing to do — and those had nothing to do with politics"

With that, I think we can all safely hug Christie good bye, I dont expect to see him at the next debate, he will instead likely be replaced by someone from the "undercard debate"


#9 Dr. Ben Carson (#5).

So originally Carson was supposed to be this elections Herman Cain, the poltical outsider who is supposed smart but comes off as a political moron......and he was getting some support with that too (as Cain did in 2008), at least until Donald Trump came in and out "Cain'ed" Carson. And sadly for the good doctor nothing in his debate performance looks like thats going to chance. In his first chance to speak, the good Doctor decided to duck a question about "is he stupid"? Now I'm not political expert, but seems to me if you cant come up with an answer to "are you dumb?" you are way way way way way over your head.  And I half expect Carson agrees with me, given that his closing argument half focused on how cool it was to be a brain surgeon.

Still, Doc Carson is another candidate that I expect we have heard the last of....and unlike Christie and Huckabee, who i expect to fight on long after hope has passed, I expect the Doc will be the first of the 17 to drop out.


#8 Marco Rubio (#7).

So how did Marco Rubio do in this debate? well first he gave Hilary Clinton the soundbite that will run in every single one of her general elections ads, claiming that he believed her to be the most experienced and on paper qualified candidate, then he ducked a question on if he supports abortion exceptions for rape and incest.

A duck made much worse by two facts. Namely that, Rubio DOES in fact support those exceptions (and has sponsored legislation that says as much), and that (according to polls as recent as last week) 76% of republicans AGREE with him on that.

Which means Rubio lacked the balls to support a position that he, and the vast majority of his party support. Which probably also means you just saw him duck out of the race (its a good thing the GOP has a deep bench of undercard candidates :P )

#7 Mike Huckabee (#4)

So Mike Huckabee has a master plan for overturning the Roe v Wade, and it hinges on people being unable to read 3 words into the 14th amendment (in which rights attach at birth). He also admits that Social Security is failing because we dont tax capitol gains to pay for it.......which could be solved by taxing some of the people who make the most capitol gains.....whores. Finally he also added that Obama was stealing 700 million dollars from Social Security to pay for Obamacare, which was untrue to the point of being named the "lie of year" by multiple fact checking organizations when Mitt Romney made that up in the last election.

His only saving grace is that the average republican primary voter is too uninformed and/or stupid to know any of that, so he will likely be back for the next couple debates, but I cant see anyone getting behind him with serious money after the debate, so while he may stagger on, I think what little chance he had is already over.

#6 Ted Cruz. (#6)

So there was a debate, and Ted Cruz was there. And thats really all I got. Dude basically didnt get any chance to talk, and I honestly forgot he was there a few times. But as he didnt do anything to hurt himself (or get the chance to), or help himself I guess I have to give him this spot since it doesnt fit anyone else.

#5 Scott Walker (#3)

So the upside for Gov Walker is that he avoided saying anything too stupid. The downside for him was that he ducked every single question on his record, and his only defense is that he was elected 3 times in 4 years...which is going to look bad if he ever gains enough traction for people to care about the fact over a half dozen of his top aides have been convicted of breaking the law to help him steal those elections.

Still since that downside hasnt happened yet, I have to stick him here, mostly, like Cruz, for seceding at not self destructing, but failing to do anything to make himself known.

#4 Rand Paul (#8)

Rand Paul was also at this debate. I know this because pretty early on, he attacked Donald Trump as being in the Clinton's pocket, then as previously mentioned, he bitch smacked Chris Christe. However the fact that he didnt do or say much of anything of any importance after hurts him a bit. Still effectively ending another candidates chance has to get you some kind of gain, and he did better because of that then the 2 below him

#3 Jeb Bush (#2)

Well one things for sure, he earned the name Jeb....whatever the fuck that means. but honestly excusing that one odd statement Jeb didnt say anything instantly noticeable as bad. However should commoncore get more attention, and people realize what the program is, his trying to have it both ways answer here will hurt him.

In short, Jeb tried to make it look like he opposed Common Core (opposing federal involvement in education) in favor of a state based approach....without ever mentioning that Common Core IS a state based approach. It was by far the best "polticked" answer of the debate, but trying to walk that tightrope for much longer may have people think the name he earned wasnt Jeb...but Mitt

#2 John Kasich (#10)

So yea, basically the more I think about it, the more I think this guy won the debate. Now why isnt he number 1? i'll get into that with my number 1 pick, but for now I have to applaud this guy.

So right out the box the moderators tried to trip him up over his decision to expand medicaid (which the GOP opposes) he not only had to balls to defend, he envoked Reagan's expansions of it while doing so. Point Kasich.   Then the moderators pretty outright asked him to pick a fight with Trump, he declined, dismissed Trump in the most respectful and complimentary way, and made his pitch on having balanced the budget while running the House Budget committee in the Clinton years.   he repeated the act when the Moderators tried to get him to attack Clinton.

Finally he navigated the "minefield"  of gay marriage, stating his personal opposition, but support of the law allowing for it, support of any gay family he might have and his willingness to go to and prior attendance at gay marriages....which was capped off by cheers from the crowd, basically making him unassailable on this position by anyone again (an attack from the right, demanding he come out against the laws would make the attacker look like a bigot, an attack from the left demanding he change his personal opinion looks like the thought police).

So yea, in terms of proving he can handle thr big questions, hang with the big boys, appear conservative and court moderates...John Kasich was your big winner

#1 Donald Trump (#1)

So why isnt Kasich set up the best coming out of the first deabate? Because Republicans LOVE their crazy, and this early on they LOVE their anti establishment candidate. So this debate was AMAZING for trump.

Think about it, he got attacked by the moderators, and the moderators tried to get other candidates to attack him. He didnt say anything any more stupid than he normally does, and he was seen as smacking down the moderators at the same time. His post debate twitter rant against the "menstruating and hormonal" megyn kelly only helped him even more as the establishment has scrambled to get as far away from him as possible.

And he even said he was open to the idea of running 3rd party, if you know, he didnt win, which is the pipe dream for the far right wackjob faction who supports him.

Now of course, the common wisdom is correct here, Trump has no future and at some point will flame out fast and hard. Thing is, its a 17 person race, so his wingnut faction holds a plurality at this point, assuring he will stay at the top for a long while.

Once other candidates drop out though, and their supporters coagulate around a smaller batch of other options, the non nutjobs will make a plurality for someone else, Trump will hit the wall and vanish. But thats not going to happen for a long time.

And that will be the MAJOR problem for the republicans going forward. As long as Trump is around he himself is a momentum killing wall for any of his 16 rivals. None of them can get any steam or airtime as trump goes around finding new groups to insult. He's already gone after Blacks, Hispanics, and now Women.....3 groups without, at least some of, the Republicans CAN NOT WIN.

And those attacks get the attention, and even once the attacks fade, the story becomes the perception of a weak feckless ineffective RNC that can not rid themselves of a nut job, and the perception that the entire party must be racist sexists bigots like Trump, the frontrunner.

So yea, the longer Trump is around the more momentum he will take from whoever will eventually be the nominee, the weaker and more bigoted the party looks.

But hey, at least he came out on top in the debate right?    

The not first, "First" GOP debate highlight reel

So a couple of days ago we had the First Republican National Primary Debate at 9pm.

Except of course it WASNT actually the first debate at all, it was the second.

The first debate was actually held a few hours before at 5pm, but because we are using Republican math (in which pretty infamously if youve ever read one of their budgets, numbers dont actually have meaning and are usually made up) we collectively decided the first debate doesnt actually count.

Now originally the idea behind splitting the debates was that only the serious candidates who had a chance to win would be in the 9pm debate, and all the crazy people would be in the 5pm one.

However whoever set this up decided to use polling to determine who was considered crazy and who has a chance to win.....which is a problem as the Republican base LOVES crazy.

This is how the first debate (the one that didnt "count") ended up featuring the three republicans who are likely the most aligned with mainstream america (Gov Pataki, Gov Gilmore and Senator Graham), 2 people previously anointed savoir of the republican party (Gov Perry, Gov Jundal) and the runner up last time (Senator Santorum) and only one really "crazy unproven candidate" (Carly Fiorina)  

Compared to the second debate of allegedly electable republicans.....in which 20% of the debaters had no political experience at all (Carson, Trump), another 20% face a year of stories in which their top aides are going to prison for corruption and fraud (Walker, Christie), another 20% are dogged by allegations of racism (Paul, Huckabee) and the remaining four consist of a guy no one has heard of (Kasich), a senator likely more hated by his own party then by Democrats (Cruz), the brother of a previous and unliked president who also may have been a war criminal (Bush) and this guy:

So yea, way to go with the whole "keeping national attention focused only on the electable candidates" there Republicans......

So yea as you might expect the First [Second] Republican Debate featuring the serious candidates* [*serious candidates not included] had a ton of great moments.....assuming your a democrat.

You could actually tell the debate was going to be off to a good start when the first question started this way:

"Gentlemen, we know how much you love hand-raising questions. So we promise, this is the only one tonight: the only one[...]"

Because the first thing you want to do right out of the box is remind people about this PR disaster from 4 years ago, that dogged the republicans ALL the way to election day:

So yes, having successfully reminded people, less than a minute into the debate, that the Republican Party is insane and shouldnt be taken seriously, before even finishing the question, lets move on to the next highlight:

Moderator: Gentlemen, our first round of questions is on the subject of electability in the general election, and we start tonight with you, Dr. Carson.

You are a successful neurosurgeon, but you admit that you have had to study up on foreign policy, saying there’s a lot to learn.

Your critics say that your inexperience shows. You’ve suggested that the Baltic States are not a part of NATO, just months ago you were unfamiliar with the major political parties and government in Israel, and domestically, you thought Alan Greenspan had been treasury secretary instead of federal reserve chair.

Aren’t these basic mistakes, and don’t they raise legitimate questions about whether you are ready to be president?"

This is in fact the SECOND round of questions (the first being the hand raising question)....but again its republican numbering so hey..... Anyways how did the good doctor respond?

"CARSON: Well, I could take issue with — with all of those things, but we don’t have time.

But I will say, we have a debate here tonight, and we will have an opportunity to explore those areas, and I’m looking very much forward to demonstrating that, in fact, the thing that is probably most important is having a brain, and to be able to figure things out and learn things very rapidly." 

Translation: "I could take issue with the idea I'm a moron, and prove I'm not, but we dont have time to do that in only two hours

That said I look forward to proving the most important thing in running for president is proving you have a brain.....which I already said would take too long for me to do."

By the way Dr. Carson was not the only one who had difficulty proving he had a functioning brain that night as Marco Rubio quickly one uped him in the "criminally stupid comment" department just moments later when he included this in an answer:

"Rubio: I would add to that that this election cannot be a resume competition. It’s important to be qualified, but if this election is a resume competition, then Hillary Clinton’s gonna be the next president, because she’s been in office and in government longer than anybody else running here tonight."

Translation: "Dear America, if you want the most qualified and experienced candidate vote for the democrat, if you want an unqualified moron, vote for us"

By the way expect to see that statement by Rubio in pretty much every single one of Hilary campaign ads from not to election day

Theres an additional level of stupid here too, in that Rubio is actually WRONG.

Ok so, Hilary was a US senator for 8 years, and then Secretary of State for 4. So thats a grand total of 12 years of being in some kind of political office.

Now I could point to Scott Walker, who was first elected in 1993 (to the state assembly), and has served in political office ever since, so he ties Mrs. Clintons record.

Or I could point to John Kasich, who was first elected in 1979 (state senate) and with the exception of a single year, served in office until 2001, then again since 2011, for a Clinton crushing total of 24 years.

But I think I would rather just point to Marco Rubio himself. Like Walker and Clinton, Rubio has been in elected office for 12 years......

Meaning Marco Rubio by his own standards should be just as qualified as Clinton based on length of service.....Except apprently even Marco Rubio understands no one wants to elect Marco Rubio, so fuck it he might as well endorse the Democrats since they will win anyways.

Moving on to the next awkward high light we come to Bush, Jeb Bush, who at one point said this:

"I’ve got a record in Florida. I’m proud of my dad, and I’m certainly proud of my brother. In Florida, they called me Jeb, because I earned it."

The fuck does that even mean? that you earned being called Jeb? thats your name you fucking moron.

Unless what you mean is they called you Jeb to avoid calling you Bush....you know to distance your self from the massive failures and baggage of your family (your brother mostly), which is kinda interesting because that seems to suggest that even you think the only chance you have to win is for Americans to forget who you are.....

Finally, after about an hour we reached the Social issues portion of the debate....which only lasted about 15 minutes...which is kinda telling, but hey at least the GOP clearly knows their weaknesses.....well except Mike Huckabee it seems. he gave this answer to a question about planned parenthood, which he turned into a question about abortion:

"A lot of people are talking about defunding planned parenthood, as if that’s a huge game changer. I think it’s time to do something even more bold. I think the next president ought to invoke the Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the constitution now that we clearly know that that baby inside the mother’s womb is a person at the moment of conception.The reason we know that it is is because of the DNA schedule that we now have clear scientific evidence on. And, this notion that we just continue to ignore the personhood of the individual is a violation of that unborn child’s Fifth and 14th Amendment rights for due process and equal protection under the law. "

So the reason no other president has invoked the 14th and 5th amendment is because they have an ability Huckabee apparently lacks, they learned to read.

Specifically the 14th amendment in which reads as follows:

' All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
Presumably the part they can read is the FIRST 3 WORDS, which specify Birth as one of the ways for these rights to attach.

Huckabee I guess gave up after the 2nd word......its was just too taxing for his tiny brain to keep going.

Next up, we get to foreign policy and Senator Ted Cruz:

Moderator:"[...]How would you destroy ISIS in 90 days?

CRUZ: Megyn, we need a commander in chief that speaks the truth. We will not defeat radical Islamic terrorism so long as we have a president unwilling to utter the words, “radical Islamic terrorism”.

When I asked General Dempsey, the chairman of the joint chiefs, what would be required militarily to destroy ISIS, he said there is no military solution. We need to change the conditions on the ground so that young men are not in poverty and susceptible to radicalization. That, with all due respect, is nonsense.

It’s the same answer the State Department gave that we need to give them jobs. What we need is a commander in chief that makes — clear, if you join ISIS, if you wage jihad on America, then you are signing your death warrant. "

Changing things so people dont want to kill us? fuck that shit. What we really need is a magic phrase to call on, just saying that will give us massive powers just like this:

See what happens when your willing to yell out the right magic words....Unlike Obama.

Speaking of Obama, on to the achievement the GOP stupidly managed to get named after him in common parlance, assuring forever Obama will have a spot in the top 5 american presidents (as long as it works) Obamacare.

Moderator: Gentlemen, the next series of questions deals with ObamaCare and the role of the federal government.

Mr. Trump, ObamaCare is one of the things you call a disaster. [...]Saying it needs to be repealed and replaced. [...] Now, 15 years ago, uncalled yourself a liberal on health care. You were for a single-payer system, a Canadian-style system.

Why were you for that then and why aren’t you for it now?

TRUMP: First of all, I’d like to just go back to one. In July of 2004, I came out strongly against the war with Iraq, because it was going to destabilize the Middle East. And I’m the only one on this stage that knew that and had the vision to say it. And that’s exactly what happened.

Translation: "Um damn it. Can we just not talk about my flip flops that would be cool right? lets instead talk about how ahead of the curve I was in opposing starting a war in Iraq.  I was SO in the loop on that one, I came out against starting the war 15 months after it had already started. See how smart I am, I totally called that one after the fact....."

Speaking Obamacare and other similar programs, we turn now to the entitlements part of the debate, and the single shocking moment of sanity thus far, coming from of all people Mike Huckabee

"Well, you ask about how we fund it. One of the reasons that Social Security is in so much trouble is that the only funding stream comes from people who get a wage. The people who get wages is declining dramatically. Most of the income in this country is made by people at the top who get dividends and — and capital gains."

I actually DONT have a joke here. I'm thrilled at least one republican is willing to admit the problem here....that we dont tax the ways the richest people in this country make money, which forces the bottom to pay for many of the benefits the top gets.

perhaps Mr. Huckabee has a solution for how he's going to fix this?

"The Fair Tax transforms the process by which we fund Social Security and Medicare because the money paid in consumption is paid by everybody, including illegals, prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, all the people that are freeloading off the system now,"

Aw fuck, god damn it, you were THIS CLOSE, THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO ACTUALLY HAVING A GOOD IDEA AND A GOOD PLAN. Then you have to go and mention taxing Pimps and Prostitutes, as a solution for not taxing the rich enough, instead of you know taxing the rich.

Either that or you think Prostitutes make most of their money through investments and capital gains, which suggests a shocking lack of understanding of what exactly prostitutes do for a living.....

Anyways following Huckabee's shocking admission he doesnt know what the worlds oldest profession is actually all about, the debate pivoted to its second and final 10 minutes on social issues, just enough time to prove the Huck doesnt stand alone on abortion stupid, he has company, starting with Donald Trump who was asked:

"Mr. Trump, in 1999, you said you were, quote, “very pro- choice.” Even supporting partial-birth abortion. You favored an assault weapons ban as well. In 2004, you said in most cases you identified as a Democrat. Even in this campaign, your critics say you often sound more like a Democrat than a Republican, calling several of your opponents on the stage things like clowns and puppets. When did you actually become a Republican?

TRUMP: I don’t think they like me very much. I’ll tell you what. I’ve evolved on many issues over the years. And you know who else has? Is Ronald Reagan evolved on many issues.

And I am pro-life. And if you look at the question, I was in business. They asked me a question as to pro-life or choice. And I said if you let it run, that I hate the concept of abortion. I hate the concept of abortion. And then since then, I’ve very much evolved.

And what happened is friends of mine years ago were going to have a child, and it was going to be aborted. And it wasn’t aborted. And that child today is a total superstar, a great, great child. And I saw that. And I saw other instances.

And I am very, very proud to say that I am pro-life." 

So, according to Donald Trump his view on abortion changed when he discovered Fetuses could become people. Apprently he was unaware of the connection between fetuses and people until some point after 2004. Which means that Trump, who would have been 58 in 2004, apparently was into his SIXTIES before he learned that storks dont pluck babies out of cabbage patches and leave them on your door step.

By the way, I teach 3 year olds for a living, and even they realize that they were in mommy's "belly" at some point.....which puts their understanding at least 6 decades ahead of a man running for president of the United States.

By the way, at this point in the debate we are minutes away from the end, and you may have noticed a lot of names havnt come up that often so far.....and your not alone, as this amusing exchange occurred following a question on national security

"Moderator: Governor [Christie], thank you.

Ted Cruz: Brett, can I — Brett, can I jump in on this one?

Moderator: Senator, we’re going to finish up with some more questions, thank you."
Now Ted Cruz actually had a point here to his interruption, in the debate, which had gone almost 2 hours at this point, he had been called on exactly 3 times. So he was you know, actually trying to participate.....only to be told by the moderator to sit down and shut the fuck up, dont you know this debate is suppose to focus on those who might actually be able to win....and Donald Trump.

Seriously, I dont actually recall another debate in which a candidate had to make justified call for attention....and then get shot down by the moderator. But I guess thats one way to try to stop the shit show from going off the rails anymore than it already had.....

Anyways we return to the Debate, and the last question, which went a little something like this:

"In our final moments here together, we’re going to allow the candidates to offer their final thoughts. But first, we want to ask them an interesting closing question from Chase Norton on Facebook, who wants to know this of the candidates: “I want to know if any of them have received a word from God on what they should do and take care of first.”"

Translation: "Dear Republican Candidates, are you actually fucking crazy enough to think God talks to you directly?"

Or to put it another way, does this song apply to any of you guys?

Now to be fair (and as a good sign to be honest) all the candidates said no to the whole "direct pipeline to God thing" but that didnt stop at least one of them from tripping up, Senator Rubio the floor is yours:

"Well, first, let me say I think God has blessed us. He has blessed the Republican Party with some very good candidates. The Democrats can’t even find one."

Which is a little weird coming from the same guy who like an hour ago suggested that if you wanted to vote for the most qualified candidate in the race you should vote for Hilary Clinton.

So he either forgot while standing on the stage who's running for president, or he doesnt know Hilary's a Democrat....I just hope his aid's are standing by with a mp3 he can listen too on a loop reminding him to breath...you know just in case he forgets that too.

And then, finally at long last, we moved on to the closing statements....which to be honest were pretty unremarkable....except for the moderator's of all people who's "closing statement" might be worth mentioning:

"Are you relieved? You were nervous before, they — they don’t look relieved. They look “get me outta here. Thank you all very much, and that will do it for the first Republican primary debate night of the 2016 presidential race. Our thanks to the candidates, who will now be joined by their families on stage.”

Translation: Ladies and genlemen your so called "serious republican candidates" all of whom look like the want to run away and hide, having realized they all collectively made asses of themselves. But hey we will see you next time, when they can do it all over again and dig those holes even deeper.

 By the way, for my more curious readers, you may have noticed the lack of commentary on Walker, Paul, Christie and Kasich in these highlights. Thats because none of these guys really said anything that matters.....except for Christie who lied about being appointed attorney general the day before 9/11, but thats getting enough attention on its own that I didnt want to go off on a tangent about it here.

Of course in a contest like this, in which the idea is to avoid being the lowest common denominator, having not made the high light reel is likely a good sign. Which means I suppose I have to declare the winners of First/Not first Republican debate to be Rand Paul, Scott Walker and John Kasich.....but thats only because I dont want to confuse Marco Rubio anymore than he is by naming the real winner, Hilary Clinton, who now has conclusive proof she only really has to win the Democratic Primary this time to be a sure thing as president. (granted I dont expect her to win that primary, but President Sanders does have a nice ring to it)


 

It seems the GOP might be down in the Trumps this month......

So about a month back I wrote a 4 part blog trying to explain why the GOP field was full of jokes this time around. Turns out I should have waited. Because now I can do it in a single sentence:

Donald Trump is the Republican Frontrunner.

If your a republican that sentence should send chills up and down your spine.

Especially since the polls that made Trump the frontrunner were conducted AFTER he decided all Mexicans were rapists.

Actually its worse than that. See Trump went on CNN not long after declaring Mexican's rapists and the following exchange took place:

Basically if I understand Trumps point (always a risky premise) something like 80% of the women who enter this country illegally are rapists.......because they were victims of rape. Cause yea it appears Trump doesnt actually understand the difference between rapists and rape victims.

I mean he kind of maybe gets it at the end....he understands at least someone is doing the raping.....but just assumes it could in no way be Americans exploiting the illegals, border patrol officers, Mexicans bringing them to the border but not crossing themselves, ect. None of these other options are possibilities for Trump.

Trump seems to think there is a sign on the border that says "Welcome to America...please be prepard to rape to pay entry fee"........


Oh and then theres the bit about Jeb Bush's wife Columbia in which he retweeted this:

""@RobHeilbron: @realDonaldTrump #JebBush has to like the Mexican Illegals because of his wife.""

Now admittedly its a retweet, but still kinda awkward for a guy who just called all Mexicans rapists. also, might be worth noting Mrs Bush came here legally something like 40 years ago....so yea assuming she was illegal...also awkward.

Granted he's paying some price for this shit and it looks a bit like this:

First it was the largest Hispanic television network in the US, Univision, that refused to broadcast his Miss Universe pageant (also worth noting the hosts of the pageant and some of the competitors also quit).

In response, Trump banned them from his golf courses (no joke).....oh and included this statement: 
"Please congratulate your Mexican Government officials for having made such outstanding trade deals with the United States. However, inform them that should I become President, those days are over."

Ah yes, because the network caters to Hispanic's they must be mexican....except that they are owned by NBCUniversal, decidedly an american company...


Speaking of NBC....NBC fired him too by kicking him off the apprentice tv show.

Also somewhat ironically he was fired by Televisa...a mexican based TV network that HAD been the carrier of the Miss Universe pageant in that country....and no, they werent banned from his Golf Courses or asked to congratulate their government....possibly because all Spanish speaking TV networks look the same to Trump so he didnt realize they fired him.

And then  Farouk Systems fired him, for those who never heard of them (like me) they make hair care products. So actually this one might be unrelated to his mexican rapists comments....its possible they just now got a good look at that thing on his head.

And then Macy's piled on as they announced plans to stop selling his clothing line.....followed by the manufacturer PVH Corp announcing they are going to stop producing his clothing line. Oh and his
perfume line....also finished says manufacturer Perfumania

  

And they in turn were followed by Nascar, the PGA, and ESPN all of which announced they would not be holding major events at trump owned properties.

Then Serta got in on the fun, ending Trump's line of mattresses.

Then Trumps soon to be opened new hotel in DC started taking hits as a major high class restaurant owner and a celebrity chief both pulled out of a deal to open locations inside the hotel.

Then Trump was "fired" by the FAA. Apparently the FAA had named some navigational locations after him.......but no more.

Finally and lastly for now, HuffingtonPost a major online news site made the decision not to cover Trumps campaign as politics, but instead as entertainment.

Now given HuffingtonPost's liberal bias, I'd bet the conservatives are pissed off as hell about this clear attack on the legitimacy of a republican presidential candidate....

Well according to well know right wing talking head, and son of Former president Ronald Reagan, Michael Reagan: "You can't really disagree with The Huffington Post -- he is entertaining."

or the chairman of the Republican Fundraising arm GOPAC who said that HuffingtonPost is a private company, they can choose to report or not on whoever they like, and if trump doesnt like it he can attempt to buy them"

So yea.....it seems a lot of republicans really arnt that concerned with Trump being divorced from their politics.

THEN and only then, after all this happened, did the Donald become the frontrunner.

And how is Trump celebrating his new status? Sucker Punching the guy who lost 8 years ago...John McCain See when someone mentioned that the former POW was a war hero, well Trump had this to say the other day:

“He’s not a war hero, He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

For those who are wondering by the way, during the 5 years McCain was being held and tortured to the point of still suffering from those injuries today....Donald Trump was enjoying his 4 deferments.....one of which was for a bone spur so bad he doenst actually remember which foot it was in.

By the way, thats not the only attack Trump made on McCain this week, as he took to twitter to say that the Senator who is running for reelection

".@SenJohnMcCain should be defeated in the primaries. Graduated last in his class at Annapolis--dummy!"

So yea, not only is that insulting.....its also not true. McCain was NEAR the bottom of his class, but not the bottom. As were Ulysses S. Grant, James Longstreet, Hap Arnold, Philip Sheridan, George Custer, and even if we allow for bottom half Dwight Eisenhower, and John J. Pershing,

proving their is clearly no way to be successful in life if your near the bottom of your class at a military academy *sarcasm*

FINALLY though these comments appear to have woken the sleeping dragon of the RNC.....who seem kinda shocked they have a problem given they never said anything about the rape comments but released this statement anyways.

"Senator McCain is an American hero because he served his country and sacrificed more than most can imagine. Period, There is no place in our party or our country for comments that disparage those who have served honorably.”

So yea, even the RNC now kinda wants trump out of the party.

Course none of this is going to actually matter because the problem here isnt Trump. The problem is the GOP has degraded so much that they are actually now the pro racist rape anti troop party.

For example a FOX news poll released this week says that 68% of the GOP agrees with trump on his immigration and rapist comments......

And who could forget this from the last election:

Which means dont expect a draft dodger attacking a POW to have much impact with his poll standing....except maybe to sky rocket them.

Speaking of the last election, this isnt the first time Trump has managed to expose the core problems with the Republican Base. Cause last time once trump started getting stirring up the issue, polls showed 72% of the GOP either didnt believe Obama was born here (51%) or didnt know (21%).

And then that number pretty rapidly dropped off the map....right after trump did, and the sane side of the GOP was able to step in.

But of course Trump never actually ran last time......so this time I dont think the GOP will get so lucky. This time the GOP seems destined for a reckoning with the far far far right that controls their parties primaries.

And given that this is the same far right that gave them Palin and screwed them on the 2008 elections, the 2010 and 2012 senate elections, and of course the weak sauce field in 2012 (in which Romney won mostly by default cause the other candidates were right wing crazy's)  maybe a head long collusion is what the GOP needs to fix the problem for real this time.

In the meantime though, it appears the GOP is destined to stay down in the trumps for a while.....and I would suggest my republican friends start looking for a 3rd party candidate. 

Happy 239th Birthday America. Here are your 5 best flags ever.

Happy July 4th everyone. Unless your British in which case fuck you! (to any British readers , Im kidding....its in the spirit of the holiday)

So yesterday we did the 5 ugliest god damn flags in american history.....well today, in honor of telling a country with a pretty cool flag, who's colors we totally stole, to bugger off, we have the 5 best flags America has every come up with.

Leading off the pack:

#5

The Great State of Arkansas

Lot of people dont like this flag, and at some level I get that. Im not usually a fan of flags with the state names on them (as you might have noticed yesterday), and it does look vaguely like the confederate flag. (in the sense of having the blue band of stars and a red background)

Which is ironic since the Arkansas flag was designed by the Daughters of the American Revolution.

It's also one of the most symbol laden flags we have, which is why I like it.

Ok so first up we have the 25 stars  in the blue part, Arkansas was state number 25. And the stars are in a diamond shape because Arkansas is the only state with diamonds [at the time the flag was made].

Which brings us to the other 4 stars in the white part, and this is where the symbolism really gets cool.

The 3 stars on the bottom have a triple meaning. First they signify the Louisiana Purchase...in 1803 (3 stars for '03) Second they signify Arkansas being the 3rd state created from the Purchase.

And finally, the 3 stars represent the three countries that have owned Arkansas, Spain, France, and the US.

As to the top star that was added 11 years later, when someone finally noticed that Arkansas had technically been part of another country...the Confederacy. But that star was added apart from the others, so as to not screw up the other meanings.....also possibly due to the Confederacy's country status being disputable. (by the way, Mississippi and Georgia, if you want to do a tribute to the Confederacy in a non offensive way, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT)

So yea, like I said incredibly laden with symbolism. Also one of only two flags in the US to be predominately red (Tennessee is the other), which makes it stand out a bit, which is something I like in my flags.

#4

Arizona

Another flag with some great symbolism. The blue on the bottom is for the Colorado River (AKA the river that cutout the Grand Canyon), the Copper Star is for  states history as a major Copper mining state. And the top part? again this is where it gets fun: the 13 stripes for the 13 original colonies....but the colors are Hapsburg Spain, representing Arizona's long Spanish history.

There are almost no flags that change that much color wise from the top of the flag to the bottom, in fact maryland is about the only other one I can think of, and all due respect to my birth state, Arizona does it better.  Oh and yes, that is supposed to look like a sunrise or sunset....two things Arizona is known for.

(Sedona is in Arizona, obviously) 

#3

The flag of Washington DC

So given how patriotic and uptight Americans are about our flag, if there was ever a flag you would totally expect to look like the result of a massive orgy with the colors red, white, blue, the statue of liberty, a baseball, apple pie and a bald eagle, it would likely be the flag of our nations capitol.

Which as you can see is about as far from what they actually have as you can get. Which is a good chunk of the reason I like that flag. Its more subdued than youd expect, and still looks classy and powerful.

Granted unlike the others on the list, it doesnt have much in the way of symbolism, its design is the coat of arms of George Washington (who for non americans the city is named after) But hey at least they didnt just slap his face on the damn thing (looking at you Washington State, especially since your flag came first) .

It also happens to be the only predominately white flag I actually like, and that alone would get it a spot on this list

#2

American Samoa

So perhaps surprising to many Americans, Puerto Rico isnt our only territory, we have a few more.
Granted your forgiven for not being familiar with American Samoa, its a tiny island, and its really only famous for one thing, being the birthplace of the Anoai Family. Never heard of them? lets try it this way, the birthplace of WWE Hall of Famers, High Chief Peter Maivia and the Wild Samoan's Afa and Siki, and of course their prodigy WWE Hall of Famers Yokozuna and Rikishi, and current WWE superstars Jimmy and Jey Uso and Roman Reigns.....oh and I almost forgot Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, and a dozen others who didnt make it as big.  So yea, Basically American Samoa been ruling american wrestling for almost 50 years.

But thats really the only thing noteworthy about American Samoa....other than that flag of course.

I like for two reasons: 1) only flag in the US to use the triangle so it stands out in a crowd.

2) That eagle. Take a good look at that thing, thats not your typical american bald eagle. Because that one isnt holding arrows or an olive branch.....that thing is holding traditional Samoan power symbols of a club and a whip. Cause that eagle is coming to fight.

And actually on a slightly more serious note, the direction the eagle is flying is symbolic, its flying towards the flag pole and therefore towards American Samoa, so that eagle is supposed to represent the US protection of Samoa.  So it looks unique, has symbolism and looks bad ass.

Thats how you make a good flag.

But finally our winner:

New Mexico

So again this is a very unique flag, its one of only 4 in the US not to have the color blue on it. And its the only American flag to be predominantly yellow, so it definitely stands out

But what most impresses me about it, is you dont have to know jack-shit about it to "get it"

See that red thing in the center looks native american, and kinda like a sun. Which combined with the color yellow suggests something really hot...as New Mexico is.

And it turns out,  after looking into the meaning of the flag....thats basically it.

The symbol in the center is the holy symbol of New Mexico's native pueblo people, and it actually does represent the sun. Now it should be pointed out New Mexico has one of the largest (both in terms of % of the population and straight numeric) native populations in the country. So clearly this is a symbol that means something to that state beyond other states symbols. And as to the red and yellow, not only do those suggest the heat of the sun, they are, as was the case with the Arizona flag, the colors of Hapsburg Spain, the original European settlers of New Mexico.
 

So for being, not only a flag that stands out, but for being the only american flag that can get its "message" across without needing to research symbolism or state history, New Mexico is the winner of the Best American Flag of all times.  

And now, this has nothing to do with the flags, but since I figured I needed to end on a patriotic note:

   

     

The 5 ugliest flags in American History

So I admit, normally I like to do these things "best" first then the "worst", because I think people are more interested in starting with good, then talking about suckage. But given what tomorrow is, and the fact that the other part of this will go up tomorrow I figured for pure patriotism I might want to reverse the order this time.

Which means this time we start off with 5 of the god damned ugliest flags America has ever created.

#5

The State of Idaho. The State of Idaho.

To be honest, this actually isnt a bad flag.....especially if you are suffering from chronic short term memory loss and forget what state you were in in the 1/2 inch it took to move down to the next part of the flag.

I assume the explanation here is that Idaho took the whole "so nice they named it twice" thing and said "well shit if it works for new york..." either that or they are real serious about the state motto Esto perpetua (Let it be perpetual)

#4

The flag of Nevada (original)

This is yet another flag that seemingly got hit over the head with the obvious stick. This one likely owes its design to someone going "hey, what if people dont get the star color imagery? why would they want to come to Nevada" and the rest of the room assuming people really are that stupid and everything must be spelling out in giant ass letters.  Which probably explains why it was redesigned 10 years later

On the upside, its a good thing this flag was designed before Las Vegas really took off,  Otherwise the word Nevada would likely be stuck between the words "MONEY" and "SEX" and the stars replaced by pictures of famous hookers.

#3

The State of South Dakota.

So what happens when you combine the short term memory loss issues of Idaho with the need to openly justify our existence/reason any one would ever come here issues of Nevada?

You get this monstrosity. Oh and by the way, those yellow triangles? well before Mt Rushmore existed South Dakota was called the "Sunshine State" so thats what it put on the flag. And instead of the seal in the center, they had a yellow sun. They just apparently forgot to remove the suns rays when they removed the rest of it.....oops.

But hey in all fairness it could have been worse, they could have actually included an image of Mt Rushmore in the center. Oh shit, I probably just accidentally designed their new flag for them

#2

The flag of retired folks everywhere....I mean Florida. 

So people might wonder how it is that Florida makes this list and Alabama doesnt. See Alabama's flag looks exactly the same as Florida's except without the seal in the center. But the saving grace of Alabama in this case is that, as lazy as that design is, they did it first.

Alabama

Thats right Alabama approved their flag in 1895. Florida meanwhile was looking for a flag at the same time and finally came up with their design in 1900....5 years later.

Which means that, much like Modern republicans and Obamacare, even given half a decade the brain trust in Florida couldn't come up with a flag of any kind....so they finally settled basically stealing the original idea (Alabama) and claiming it was actually something different.

I image the decision to add the someone said "what if we slapped our state seal on it? then it would look like a totally original and uniquely Floridian idea, and no one will ever notice we stole the whole thing from someone else?" "GENIUS!"



#1

Hawaii State Flag

So if you chugged cans of red white and blue paint until you threw up, this is what I imagine the end result would look like.

Its actually amazing to me how bad this flag looks, given how close it is to the original american flags, which didnt look nearly this bad. Its all due to the two blue stripes (apparently there is actually a reason all the red white and blue flags of the world dont put the red and blue sections together) and the canton (the upper left corner) being placed on a red stripe, giving the image of the bottom of the union jack running into that stripe and moving across the flag.

Plus the fact that this thing literally had nothing but lines in every direction means there is way to damn much going on in the flag, and at the edge of the canton the cross of the union jack and the red and blue stripes it runs into looks like graphical tearing on a computer when the image display cant keep up with the lines moving.

This flag may avoid the pithy criticisms of its predecessors on this list but its still ugly as fuck.

And that concludes the top 5 ugliest flags of the United States.....BUT not this blog as its now time for the bonus round:

This are flags that are still bad, but for various reasons I didnt want to include above:

Ladies and Gentlemen the state flag of Georgia:

The new flag of Georgia (since 2003)

So even before the controversy in South Carolina, the state of Mississippi gets a lot of crap (and justifiably so) for having the confederate flag in their state flag. Georgia used to get the same kind of crap, until 2003 when they removed the confederate flag from their flag and replaced the flag with the above one, to widespread acclaim.

Georgia flag before 2003

And to be honest, its not a bad flag. in fact its a very good design in my opinion.,......except for one small problem. The flag everyone thinks about when I say "confederate flag" the one on the flag of mississippi, the one that was flying in south carolina, the one that had been on the Georgia flag, isnt the real confederate flag. Its the flag of Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia. 

So what did the real confederate flag look like? Glad you asked it looked like this: 

Look familiar? thats right its now the official flag of Georgia (with the seal added). Although I guess at some level you got to give Georgia credit for ballsiest move ever, given that they removed a confederate battle flag from their flag, replaced it with the ACTUAL confederate flag, and did it in such a way that they actually got praised for it,

Still if you didnt like the implications of the pre 2003 design, you really should have an even bigger problem with this one.....just saying.

Finally one last flag, This just missed being on the list by virtue of being impossible to find a good image of so I felt it was a bit unfair to hold it to the same standard:

The confederate era flag of Mississippi

Look say what you will about the current Mississippi flag, but at least it looks like a flag...a racist flag, but still a damn flag.

This thing looks like something a preschooler would draw. "so why is there a tree?" "cause I like trees" "Ok well what about the blue star" "I like blue stars" "well dont you want to color in the rest of it red?" "no I'm bored...can I play with legos?"

Even cutting that thing some slack for being made of cloth and not a more modern image(unlike the other pictures I'm using...couldnt do that for this flag the all white disappered into the background) this is still an amateur hour flag. Even if you hate the current flag.....at least now you understand why they felt the need to change it.....