These are the voyages of the Starship Asinine....... (This month in stupid)

So while I've been busy rating flags, and evaluating the president debate, the great flood of stupid has continued unabated. What I'm getting at is that its time for another installment of "this week in stupid  (give or take 7 weeks)"

Anyways leading off the pack this time is Former Alaska Gove Sarah Palin (yes I know Gove isnt the shortened form of Governor but it is exactly half the word....hopefully now you get it) who had a suggestion for California Gov. Jerry Brown on how to deal with the drought affecting his state:

"You might ask, though, why don’t they just fix the infrastructure problem, why don’t they just build more reservoirs and plants? After all, California is a coastal state. It’s got a whole ocean right there, water all around ya"

Now Alaska's most avid reader is correct, you MIGHT ask that question.....if you know you hadnt passed the 2nd grade. Cause the rest of us know that reservoirs dont come pre filled. If you dont have any water, digging a hole to put it in doesnt really help you.

Or perhaps the Russia-watcher thinks you can drink ocean water. Which actually would explain a lot.

Again for those of you who havnt passed second grade, Ocean water is Salt water, humans need to drink freshwater. In fact Salt water is so bad for humans that too much of it will kill you. Before it kills you however it can also cause massive brain trauma by decreasing blood flow to the brain.

Now I dont want to speculate here, but Alaska has the longest coastline in the US, and its all saltwater....and Mrs. Palin has spent considerable time standing on the states island outskirts looking for a rouge soviet. Presumably she got thirsty at some point and tried to drink alot of the closest water source......

Moving on,

Si Robertson, one of the stars of Duck Dynasty, who was asked about his opinions on religion and offered up this Gem:

"I don’t believe — there's no such thing as an atheist Because there's too much documentation. Our calendars are based on Jesus Christ."

"Whether you believe in Him or not, every time you sign your calendar, you write down the day's date, you're saying He's here,"

First off, who the fuck signs a calendar? Like seriously, I dont need to self autograph something that hangs in my kitchen.

Secondly there's the idea the calendar is based on Jesus Christ.....which is kinda weird since the modern Gregorian Calendar was first introduced in 1582.....which for those keeping track at home is about 90 years after Columbus sailed the ocean blue....forget about Jesus. And that calendar didnt gain universal western usage until 1914 (when it was adopted by the Russians) Heck it wasnt even used in the British Empire until 1752. Which it late enough that if you asked guys like Washington, John Adams, John Jay, Jefferson, Sam Adams, Franklin or John Hancock when their birthday's were they would give you more than one answer.

And as to today's date, it would be August 16th. August (like all the months) dates back to the Julian Calendar, which was first created in 45BC.....so yea, we missed Jesus again. and the Month itself was named after Augustus Caesar.

Now I know what your thinking, shouldnt this guy get some credit for the year at least 2015 AD should be 2015 years after Jesus. Except not so much as research (by the churches) suggest that Jesus was likely born around 7BC. Oops....

Next up Maine Gov. Paul LePage.

Ok so back in early July a story broke that LePage was trying to pocket veto a law his disagreed with.

For those who dont know the term, a pocket veto is when the executive branch Veto's a bill by refusing to take action (sign or veto) on it for X number of days (in Maine's case 10) BUT this can only happen if the legislative branch is out of session. Otherwise a refusal to take action on a bill means it is considered passed and law.

Problem for LePage was that his legislature wasnt out of session. Oops.

But actually thats not the end of the story. See turned out that bill wound up being 1 of 19 bills LePage was trying to (and failed too ) pocket Veto because he didnt understand the law of his own government.

BUT WAIT, there's more. When it was first pointed out to LePage he might be wrong about this, he decided to double down on his position by opting to attempt to Pocket veto more laws....to a grand total of 65.

So LePage decided to take his case to the supreme court of Maine.....who ruled unanimously against him.

Meaning that 65 bills this guy opposed became law because he was too stupid to understand how a pocket veto works.......

Speaking of Governors who dont understand their own states laws, we turn to Governor and pretend presidential candidate (by which I mean I have a better chance of being president than he does, and I'm not actually eligible this election) Bobby Jindal.

So following the fall of the confederate battle flag, pressure has ramped up to take down other confederate symbols as well. Namely for this case 4 monuments in Jindals state of Louisiana.

So Jindal invoked his states Heritage Act to protect the monuments.

Now normally this is the part where I would show you the relevant passages of the Act, how it defines Heritage and how the monuments are or are not covered......but this time I cant.

Not because I'm trying to be misleading, or partisan or what have you....I cant do it because there is no such thing as the Heritage Act in Louisiana.

Now to be fair, there is one in South Carolina, that requires a 2/3rds vote of the state legislature to remove or alter any confederate memorials...but nothing in Louisiana.

yea, it seems Gov Jindal kinda forgot what state he lived in, and/or what laws actually apply to his state. Which means I personally cant wait to see him campaign in his home state of New Maryland err I mean South Georgia....no wait West Iowa.....


Speaking of Republicans running for President as a joke...our winner this time out, winning both for quantity of stupid comments AND the quality of stupid comments: Gov. Mike Huckabee.

Alright so first Huckabee said this:"This president's foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians, By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven."

Oh look a Holocaust Reference....these NEVER go over well. Goes over a little worse when your comparison is that "stopping Iran from getting a nuke they could use to mass murder jews is the same as mass murdering jews"

But like most of our stories IT DIDNT STOP THERE

We called on his odd analogy Huckabee had this to say:

“When I talked about the oven door, I have stood at that oven door. I know exactly what it looks like.”

Um......oh boy.

So for those who dont know, Huckabee is Southern Baptist, who was born in 1955. I mention this because the last Nazi death camp was shut down January 27, 1945, having killed a total of ZERO Southern Baptists.

Meaning its highly unlikely that Huckabee was any near those oven doors when that might actually have been....you know....a threat........

Look I'm just saying, I've seen pictures of whipped slaves, but that doesnt mean I can say I saw the savages of slavery X number of times and know exactly what they look like......

To be fair to Huckabee though, this isnt even remotely close to the first time he's compared something to the holocaust. Take for example this comment from November of last year about Abortion:

“If you felt something incredibly powerful at Auschwitz and Birkenau over the 11 million killed worldwide and the 1.5 million killed on those grounds, cannot we feel something extraordinary about 55 million murdered in our own country in the wombs of their mothers?”


I mention this because the day making his Oven Comment Huckabee was asked about abortion, specifically if he would use federal forces, like say the FBI and the National Guard to prevent people from getting legal abortions. His response.:

“We’ll see, if I get to be president”

Which he followed up by pointing to a previous decision in which he claimed a president had decided to overrule a supreme court decision via use of federal forces....Abraham Lincoln and the Dred Scott Decision, and the use of federal forces being what most of us call the Civil War......

But wait, as per usual today THERE'S MORE.

So earlier today, Huckabee was asked about a 10 year old rape victim who was forced by her government (Paraguay) to birth her rapists child.....despite the much higher health risks to both mother and daughter (including potential death for either or both). And well it turns out, thats how he would have handled it too.

So to sum up, According to Gov Huckabee:

Making a deal to prevent a ton of people (most of them likely jewish) from being killed (by a nuke)= Holocaust

Using state power to prohibit a sub section of citizens (women in this case) from exercising their legal rights (abortion), to the point of using potential military force (national guard/the lincoln civil war comparison) even in situation is which stopping them might lead to lasting psychological damage and possible death = Nothing like the Holocaust.


So yea, congratulations Gov Huckabee for being the stupidest person of the month (only because this blog doesn't count all time)

Also congratulations to Donald Trump, as it turns out you are in fact only the SECOND most dangerously stupid person running for President.......