This on the other hand is my more traditional smattering of stupid of all shapes and kinds.
Lets start this time with Chris Christie....or more accurately his campaign.
So Christie was doing a campaign stop in Iowa (of course) and was asked the following question
"What are you going to do about the lunches, because they were fine when Mrs. Bush was the first lady, but now that Mrs. Obama is the first lady, they've gone down." The question asker goes on to mention he doesnt like Gluten Free food and wants to go back to the "Crispitos" they used to have because "Now, their version of crispito the tiniest tortilla shell they can find. They cook it for two minutes. Literally, two minutes. And then they put two pinches of beef in it and then they give it to us. And then they call that food,"
Now on its face, thats actually an ok set of question......except for one small problem. They were asked by a 5th grader.
Which makes the kid 11 years old. Meaning when Mrs. Bush was first lady, 8 years ago, this kid would have been 3 or 4.....just a bit too young to have been eating "school lunches"
Which makes me assume this question was planted by the Christie Campaign. Now to be fair to the Christie Campaign, I dont think thats unusual, its just that, normally campaigns do a much better job of covering that fact up.
Where as in this case, the campaign made it so no matter what Christie says hes going to look like an idiot, given that both sets of "crispito's" mentioned would have been served in the last year or two if this was a legitimate question, and therefore a change that likely had nothing to do with anything outside of local politics.
But Christie gave his pre-prepared answer anyways, the one where he blames Obama for everything, even things that chronologically dont work....
Next Up we leave the campaign trail ever so briefly to address the State of the Union....specifically who was in the audience at the State of the Union, one Kim Davis the Kentucky Clerk who wouldnt allow gays or straights to marry until after going to jail, magically changed her beliefs so that they could.
Anywho, how did she get there? Well like everyone else she was invited.
Well except that, apprently the person who invited her, didnt mean to.
See her tickets came from Congressman Jim Jordan's office....but that was news to Jordan as at first he said:
"I didn't invite anyone,"
Which a few hours later became
'"My understanding is they[his office] gave them[tickets] to the Family Research Council,"
Which lead to “At the request of the Family Research Council, we gave the ticket to Kim Davis’ family,”
Wow, glad to see your on the ball about things like "who's representing my office" congressman. Like I know your busy but come on. Also I like how at first the FRC gave them the ticket......then it turned out it really was you.....but hey I guess you sometimes know what your doing?
Also your excuse makes you sound like the FRC's bitch, they apprently tell you someone wants a ticket and you OK it without even thinking........but yea glad to see your not bought or anything.
Next up, back to the campaign trail....at least in theory, with theoretical presidential candidate Rick Santorum.
Santourm, for some reason, is the only presidential candidate being asked to defend the GOP's naziesque immigration policy, specifically the part about deporting dreamers and of course bollixed it.
“My response is, ‘Great. Do you realize what a blessing they will be to their country when they go back? You are talking about folks who are going to be the leaders of their countries, I think that the best thing that we can do to stem the tide of illegal immigration is to have them go home and save their countries.”
He actually made similar comments at the GOP undercard debate where he said
"We’re going to export America, The education they were able to receive; they learned the English language; they learned about capitalism; they learned about democracy.
You want to stop the flow of immigrants? Let's send 6 million Mexicans, Hondurans, Guatemalans ... back into their country so they can start a renaissance in their country so they won't be coming over here anymore."
The problem of course is the logic of Santorums statement kinda revolves around the idea of American Exceptionalism, that by virtue of basically being americans these kids will be superior to everyone in their home countries.
But, if they are American, as Santorum is claiming, why are we deporting them as we just admitted they are American?
I guess they just all qualify as "blah people" so fuck em?
Next up, the GOP frontrunner, The Donald.
Donald Trump gave a speech at Liberty University, and in typical politician fashion tried to kiss ass.....and in typical Trump fashion failed spectacularly
He actually made similar comments at the GOP undercard debate where he said
"We’re going to export America, The education they were able to receive; they learned the English language; they learned about capitalism; they learned about democracy.
You want to stop the flow of immigrants? Let's send 6 million Mexicans, Hondurans, Guatemalans ... back into their country so they can start a renaissance in their country so they won't be coming over here anymore."
The problem of course is the logic of Santorums statement kinda revolves around the idea of American Exceptionalism, that by virtue of basically being americans these kids will be superior to everyone in their home countries.
But, if they are American, as Santorum is claiming, why are we deporting them as we just admitted they are American?
I guess they just all qualify as "blah people" so fuck em?
Next up, the GOP frontrunner, The Donald.
Donald Trump gave a speech at Liberty University, and in typical politician fashion tried to kiss ass.....and in typical Trump fashion failed spectacularly
"We're going to protect Christianity. I can say that. I don't have to be politically correct,Two Corinthians, 3:17, that's the whole ballgame … is that the one you like?"
Ok two things, one how fucking blatant can you be? note the end of that quote, Trump is basically ASKING his audience if thats how they would like to be sucked off or if he needs to do it another way.
Secondly....he failed. WTF is TWO Corinthians? Shit I'm an atheist and even *I* know its SECOND Corinthians.
But of course, this is Donald Trump. And Donald Trump is like the pope (in his own mind at least) in that he is infallible, therefore this whole thing is actually someone elses fault, specifically Tony Perkins (head of the aforementioned FRC from like 2 entries above)
“Tony Perkins wrote that out for me. He actually wrote out the 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians,I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, ‘Well, Tony has to know better than anybody.’ ”
Now actually Trump has a point here. See Perkins clearly wrote the note assuming he was dealing with someone who has a vague familiarity with the bible. And while I realize Trump actually claims to hold the bible above his own book as his favorite, Perkins should have realized he is dealing with a well known liar and complete and utter moron.
Meaning that, despite "2 Corinthians" being the correct written notation, Perkins really should have literally spelled it out for Trump. I honestly dont know what Perkins was thinking, thinking that he was dealing with someone who might have been alive and on the planet for a few decades and therefore at least passably intelligent.
Next up we move to the so called "intelligent" nominee, AKA the GOP establishments last hope to save them from trump...Marco Rubio.....who sadly isnt living up to expectations, mostly because of things like this:
"I’m a strong supporter of the second amendment. I have a right to protect my family if someone were to come after us, In fact, if ISIS were to visit us, or our communities, at any moment, the last line of defense between ISIS and my family is the ability that I have to protect my family from them, or from a criminal, or anyone else who seeks to do us harm. Millions of Americans feel that way.”
Ok two things, one how fucking blatant can you be? note the end of that quote, Trump is basically ASKING his audience if thats how they would like to be sucked off or if he needs to do it another way.
Secondly....he failed. WTF is TWO Corinthians? Shit I'm an atheist and even *I* know its SECOND Corinthians.
But of course, this is Donald Trump. And Donald Trump is like the pope (in his own mind at least) in that he is infallible, therefore this whole thing is actually someone elses fault, specifically Tony Perkins (head of the aforementioned FRC from like 2 entries above)
“Tony Perkins wrote that out for me. He actually wrote out the 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians,I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, ‘Well, Tony has to know better than anybody.’ ”
Now actually Trump has a point here. See Perkins clearly wrote the note assuming he was dealing with someone who has a vague familiarity with the bible. And while I realize Trump actually claims to hold the bible above his own book as his favorite, Perkins should have realized he is dealing with a well known liar and complete and utter moron.
Meaning that, despite "2 Corinthians" being the correct written notation, Perkins really should have literally spelled it out for Trump. I honestly dont know what Perkins was thinking, thinking that he was dealing with someone who might have been alive and on the planet for a few decades and therefore at least passably intelligent.
Next up we move to the so called "intelligent" nominee, AKA the GOP establishments last hope to save them from trump...Marco Rubio.....who sadly isnt living up to expectations, mostly because of things like this:
"I’m a strong supporter of the second amendment. I have a right to protect my family if someone were to come after us, In fact, if ISIS were to visit us, or our communities, at any moment, the last line of defense between ISIS and my family is the ability that I have to protect my family from them, or from a criminal, or anyone else who seeks to do us harm. Millions of Americans feel that way.”
To that end he actually DID buy a gun for that purpose on Christmas Eve.
Heres the thing though, like Donald Trump this appears to be nothing more than badly executed pander:
Ok so first, why Christmas Eve? Well as it happens it was "one of the rare days I was home".
Right, so your buying a gun to protect the home you apparently are never at......Not sure the gun's going to do you much good seeing as how you wont be there to use it.
Second, I'm pretty sure home invasion isnt ISIS's MO. In fact Im almost positive they've never committed one in this country. So I think if your worried about them going after you house or family, I think your pretty safe on that.
Thirdly. You know what IS ISIS's usual MO? Suicide Bombing. So that dude who just broke into your house who works for ISIS? You might not want to shoot him, you know just in case he's wearing a bomb and he goes BOOM!
Fourth. Ok so why are you never home? Oh wait thats right your running for president. Now in your defense should you win, you WOULD be the person most likely to have your home attacked by ISIS. Which is why you have your own very well trained protection services. Just saying if the Secret Service cant stop ISIS from breaking into the white house....I dont like your chances gun or no gun.
Fifth:You also mentioned in that same interview that this isnt your only gun. Great. So why cant the other one be used to defend against ISIS? unless.......oh god.......your going to try to double fist them arnt you? Just like you see all the cool guys doing in movies and video games *facepalm*
Finally and lastly, we leave the campaign trail once again for a late breaking bit of stupid (so late breaking that when I first planned this out, Rubio was your winner but this overtook him at the last second)
And who's responsible for this late breaking bit of stupid? who else? The mother of the moronic, the nonsensical numbskull of the north, the half-witted half-Governor Sarah Palin.
Ok so, earlier this week Sarah Palin's son Track was arrested for domestic abused against his girlfriend, where he allegedly attacked her and threatened her with a AR-15 (that would be an assault rifle for those whos dont know; you're welcome mom).
Now of course as this came on the heels of her endorsement of Donald Trump, Palin *had* to address this publicly, and wasted no time in placing the responsibility exactly where it belonged.....with Barack Obama.
“My son, a combat veteran … was fighting for you all, America, in the war zone. My son, like so many others, came back a bit different, they come back hardened, They come back wondering if there is that respect for what it is that their fellow soldiers and airman and every other member of the military so sacrificially have given to this country, And that starts from the top. … That comes from our own president. Where they have to look at him and wonder, ‘Do you know what we go through? Do you know what we’re trying to do to secure America?[...]What my own son is going through, what he is going through coming back, I can relate to other families who feel ramifications of PTSD and some of the woundedness that our soldiers do return with, And it makes me realize, more than ever, it is now or never for the sake of America's finest that we have that commander in chief who will respect them and honor them."
See if only Obama would show more respect towards the military Track Palin wouldnt have been forced to beat up some innocent woman.......so what Track did is TOTALLY Obama's fault dont ya know.
Now of course this also sounds like Palin is saying her son has PTSD....and to be far that might actually be the fault of whatever commander in chief sent her son into war to see these massive horrors for no good reason.
Now of course, Track was deployed to Iraq for a year, which is where he presumably experienced the events leading to his PTSD......thing is he was deployed in 2008....you know when Bush was around.
Unless shes saying Obama should have shown more respect for her son by leaving him over there to see even more fucked up shit and just not bothered to bring him home?
Incidentally by the way, isnt the official stance of Sarah Palin on guns that guns arnt the problem we just need to keep them out of the hands of mentally unstable people?
I mention this because Track is currently living with his parents.....and like I said, was threatening to shoot his girlfriend in the head with his AR-15.
So I am glad to see Sarah Palin is totally doing her part to make sure mentally unstable people in her own home dont have access to guns.......
Oh wait what am I saying? Sarah Palin clearly wants Obama to come to her house, and take the guns away from her son himself....cause you know this is really Obama's responsibility.
You know I would say I'd bet Trump is sorry now he got Palin's endorsement......except that he's backing her up on this. He also believes this whole incident is Obama's fault.
So yea, score two for the party of personal responsibility.
Heres the thing though, like Donald Trump this appears to be nothing more than badly executed pander:
Ok so first, why Christmas Eve? Well as it happens it was "one of the rare days I was home".
Right, so your buying a gun to protect the home you apparently are never at......Not sure the gun's going to do you much good seeing as how you wont be there to use it.
Second, I'm pretty sure home invasion isnt ISIS's MO. In fact Im almost positive they've never committed one in this country. So I think if your worried about them going after you house or family, I think your pretty safe on that.
Thirdly. You know what IS ISIS's usual MO? Suicide Bombing. So that dude who just broke into your house who works for ISIS? You might not want to shoot him, you know just in case he's wearing a bomb and he goes BOOM!
Fourth. Ok so why are you never home? Oh wait thats right your running for president. Now in your defense should you win, you WOULD be the person most likely to have your home attacked by ISIS. Which is why you have your own very well trained protection services. Just saying if the Secret Service cant stop ISIS from breaking into the white house....I dont like your chances gun or no gun.
Fifth:You also mentioned in that same interview that this isnt your only gun. Great. So why cant the other one be used to defend against ISIS? unless.......oh god.......your going to try to double fist them arnt you? Just like you see all the cool guys doing in movies and video games *facepalm*
Finally and lastly, we leave the campaign trail once again for a late breaking bit of stupid (so late breaking that when I first planned this out, Rubio was your winner but this overtook him at the last second)
And who's responsible for this late breaking bit of stupid? who else? The mother of the moronic, the nonsensical numbskull of the north, the half-witted half-Governor Sarah Palin.
Ok so, earlier this week Sarah Palin's son Track was arrested for domestic abused against his girlfriend, where he allegedly attacked her and threatened her with a AR-15 (that would be an assault rifle for those whos dont know; you're welcome mom).
Now of course as this came on the heels of her endorsement of Donald Trump, Palin *had* to address this publicly, and wasted no time in placing the responsibility exactly where it belonged.....with Barack Obama.
“My son, a combat veteran … was fighting for you all, America, in the war zone. My son, like so many others, came back a bit different, they come back hardened, They come back wondering if there is that respect for what it is that their fellow soldiers and airman and every other member of the military so sacrificially have given to this country, And that starts from the top. … That comes from our own president. Where they have to look at him and wonder, ‘Do you know what we go through? Do you know what we’re trying to do to secure America?[...]What my own son is going through, what he is going through coming back, I can relate to other families who feel ramifications of PTSD and some of the woundedness that our soldiers do return with, And it makes me realize, more than ever, it is now or never for the sake of America's finest that we have that commander in chief who will respect them and honor them."
See if only Obama would show more respect towards the military Track Palin wouldnt have been forced to beat up some innocent woman.......so what Track did is TOTALLY Obama's fault dont ya know.
Now of course this also sounds like Palin is saying her son has PTSD....and to be far that might actually be the fault of whatever commander in chief sent her son into war to see these massive horrors for no good reason.
Now of course, Track was deployed to Iraq for a year, which is where he presumably experienced the events leading to his PTSD......thing is he was deployed in 2008....you know when Bush was around.
Unless shes saying Obama should have shown more respect for her son by leaving him over there to see even more fucked up shit and just not bothered to bring him home?
Incidentally by the way, isnt the official stance of Sarah Palin on guns that guns arnt the problem we just need to keep them out of the hands of mentally unstable people?
I mention this because Track is currently living with his parents.....and like I said, was threatening to shoot his girlfriend in the head with his AR-15.
So I am glad to see Sarah Palin is totally doing her part to make sure mentally unstable people in her own home dont have access to guns.......
Oh wait what am I saying? Sarah Palin clearly wants Obama to come to her house, and take the guns away from her son himself....cause you know this is really Obama's responsibility.
You know I would say I'd bet Trump is sorry now he got Palin's endorsement......except that he's backing her up on this. He also believes this whole incident is Obama's fault.
So yea, score two for the party of personal responsibility.
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