The latest victims of Guns: The GOP.

So in case you didnt know, this morning President Obama announced new actions on closing the gun show loophole and making mental issues disqualifying for buying guns, and making it easier for police to recover guns.

Now theres a VERY good chance that no matter who you are, your in favor of these changes. according to recent polls. Specifically, 79% favor laws preventing mentally ill people from owning guns, and 70% favor the idea of helping the police recover guns.

Where as 92% agree on closing the gun show loophole.

Thats right 92%.......there is literally NOTHING else 92% of Americans can agree on.

So what do you do if your a republican presidential candidate, and 92% of the country, and 87% of members of your own party wants something?

Apparently you come out against it.....I assume because all the republicans are TRYING to lose at this point?

Not only that, apparently you all compete against each other to see who can oppose in the dumbest way possible

Take for example Governor Chris Christie who objected by saying “I’m sure that ultimately the next president will make sure that he abdicates those extra constitutional actions.”

Which is weird, given that Christie implemented the same programs (and 8 others for gun control) in New Jersey. So I have a hunch he wouldnt abdicate shit.

Then again, I'm also positive Chris Christie wont be our next president.....so maybe he's just openly admitted to that now?

So we can move on to other candidates like Jeb Bush who has this to say:

“I will fight as hard as I can against any effort by this president, or by any liberal that wants to take away people’s rights that are embedded in the Bill of Rights, embedded in our Constitution." 
Now Bush goes on the clarify later what hes actually referring to is not the actions themselves (which is a good thing seeing as how hes in that 92%) instead hes refering to HOW the actions were done.
Because its a well known fact presidents cant do gun regulation via executive order and no other one has attempted to do so.

Except of course, that becomes a bit of a problem.....cause it turns out presidents HAVE done that before. Specifically Presidents named Bush. George HW Bush specifically, who signed an executive order banning the importation and sale of various kinds of guns to anyone. (and for the record, HW Bush isnt unusual in this respect either, lots of presidents have passed gun related executive orders)

So yea, flunking family history to attack the president for doing something you agree with...thats kinda bad.

But credit were its due, by attacking only the process at least Bush avoids looking like a hypocrite.

And in fairness to both of those 2 guys, those were BY FAR the most intelligent responses.

Although that's kinda unfair, because you see the majority of the GOP field are absolute morons. By which I mean they cant read.

Now this may seem a bit harsh, but consider that for the last 2 presidential elections weve had Republicans promising us bills short enough they can actually be read....you know 1 page long or 3 pages long, depending on how fucking stupid the given republican in fact is.

So please, in fairness to the remainder of the Republican field, remember theres a decent chance they dont know how to read when you consider their replies.

Take Carly Fiorina for example

“It is delusional, dangerous, not to mention unconstitutional for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to continue to talk about climate change and gun control in the wake of a Paris terrorist attack, a San Bernardino terrorist attack, instead of talking about a plan to defeat [the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria]"

Thats right, its unconstitutional for people to talk about what ever they want to talk about.

To be fair, you have to read the bill of rights, which starts on the 5th or 6th page of the Constitution to learn about freedom of speech. And asking her to read that much is really taxing such a weak mind.

Then we reach Ted Cruz....now I assume Mr. Cruz must be slightly smarter than Mrs. Fiorina cause he at least seems to have made it through the first amendment.....he just crapped out somewhere around the second

"President Obama is talking about this week issuing yet another executive order trying to go after our right to keep and bear arms"

for Senator Cruz's benefit (or more to the point which ever one of Senator Cruz's staffers is reading this aloud to him)  

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

The word Regulation IS actually in the amendment. Plus consider what Obama wants to do, all of his executive orders are to help keep guns out of the hands of crazy people, sane people have nothing to worry about

Actually, you know, I just figured out why Senator Cruz is worried.....

Next up Mike Huckabee, who tries to avoid commenting on if he actually agrees with Obama's methods (as 77% of the public overall seem to according to early polls) by instead trying to talk about Abortion (because in Huckabee world EVERYTHING is abortion).....while also proving that despite the fact hes now been making the same mistake for nearly six months, cant be bothered to read the 14th amendment.  

See heres the Huckster on Twitter (a GOP favorite since it maxes out at 140 characters...most of them can maybe read that much)

@BarackObamaYou say if we can save one life we should. Well, apply 5th & 14th amendments to the unborn & save 4,000 lives a day. #ProLife
Heres the problem, and I only need 3 words of the 14th amendment to get there as it starts“All persons born"

it other words it actually comes with a qualifier, per the Constitution you have to be born for it to apply.

Now shockingly this is actually where I have to stop making fun of Republicans for failing to be able to read.......but thats only because the remaining candidates were at least smart enough to not pretend they had once tried to read the Constitution.

Take for example

Donald Trump who said if elected "I will veto. I will unsign that so fast."

How sad is that? man wants to be president (allegedly) and doesnt even know what the job is. The worst part is, youd think a "sucessfull" businessman would know you cant unsign something.....not to mention you cant veto something already signed....

Which brings me to my personal favorite. Marco Ruibo, the allegedly reasonable one"

“Law-abiding gun owners are not the problem in this country, The problem are criminals, and criminals don’t care what laws you pass. You can pass all the gun laws in the world that you want. It will not stop the criminals.”

To which all I have to say is, I really really really hope this guy wins. I want him to be president.

See that way I can start breaking into peoples houses, stealing all the stuff I want, go on a raping spree and kill anyone I feel like, and I wont be convicted. Instead President Rubio will just repeal the laws against theft rape and murder....cause cleary those laws didnt stop me from being a criminal so should be repealed.

Then I can celebrate my acquittal with some good old fashioned drunk driving while high on LSD.

ITS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME!