[Editors note: dont you think given who the two previous Texas Governors were calling him both a "complete and utter moron" and the "Texas Governor" is a bit redudant?]
This time he attempted to go after favorite right wing boggy man planned parenthood.....and it may have just backfired.
Ok so for those whove been living under a rock for the last year, Planned Parenthood got in trouble a few months back for getting caught on tape selling body parts of dead babies.
Except that, they didnt as the tapes were doctored as admitted almost instantly by the group that put them out.
Now of course as the GOP platform allows for the choosing of the most convenient of multiple potential realities to replace the real one, the GOP decided to choose a reality in which the fact the tapes were doctored didnt exist to them, and started congressional hearings which kinda led to the committee chairmen being embarrassed on national television when he showed a graph he claimed was based on planned parenthoods own data, when the graph itself said it was not.
Now again the GOP just decided to select a reality for themselves in which that never happened.
Enter the Texas Dumbass who decided to use his powers to convene a Grand Jury investigation into Planned Parenthood to see if they had broken any laws.
Well the Grand Jury investigation is over and GOOD NEWS:
They are indicting.
Specifically they are indicting for the crime of buying/selling human organs.
Now I know what your asking yourselves, hey wait a minute, isnt this EXACTLY what Gov Abbott wanted? doesnt this mean it worked? why are you calling him a dumbass?
Well see thats the "catch" The Grand Jury DIDNT indict planned parenthood. In fact they found no evidence of any wrongdoing by planned parenthood or its representatives.
Instead they indicted the two people who made the tape in the first place.
Oops.
So yea, Good job Gov Abbott, your inability to pull your head out of your own ass is going to likely result in jail time for the people who helped you shove it up there in the first place, while exonerating the group you meant to go after in the first place.
No seriously, fucking up that badly takes talent.
Though I would be remiss if I didnt mention Gov Abbott reaction to all this: Which surprising no one was to just pretend he lives in a reality in which this didnt happen as his office released the following statement.
"“The Health and Human Service Commission’s Inspector General and the Attorney General’s office have an ongoing investigation into Planned Parenthood’s actions,” said Governor Abbott. “Nothing about today’s announcement in Harris County impacts the state’s ongoing investigation. The State of Texas will continue to protect life, and I will continue to support legislation prohibiting the sale or transfer of fetal tissue.”
Translation: Our own investigation just fucked over our investigation....but dont worry we are going to continue to investigate and pretend our own investigating didnt happen.
Now staying on the topic of Texan's with their head up their ass, it appears the Canadian Cruz Missile missed it target and detonated in its own hanger:
See a few days ago Senator Cruz said this:
“I’ll tell you, you know who one of those millions of Americans is who’s lost their healthcare because of ObamaCare? That would be me, I don’t have healthcare right now.” he added later "I had purchased an individual policy and Blue Cross Blue Shield canceled all their individual policies in the state of Texas effective December 31st, So our health care got canceled. We got a notice in the mail. Blue Cross Blue Shield was leaving the market."
Thing is, he's lying. But dont take my word for it.....take his....or at least his campaigns, per his spokeswoman Catherine Frazier "The Cruz family is currently covered by a Blue Cross HMO.” however they apparently arnt sticking around as the coverage options were changed in and they chose to leave the plan so Cruz instead "will be a Humana enrollee effective March 1 in one of their wider-network PPO plans"
But I guess if we are playing under the "select your own reality" rules of the right wing, chosing to change health insurance plans means you "lost" your healthcare and "dont have any" cause Obama.
Lastly its worth mentioning that like ALL US Senators, Cruz is entitled to much cheaper and better healthcare though his job.....he's just choosing not to use it. So he's basically blaming Obamacare for his own desire to waste money......but I'm sure that kind of buck passing wont affect his ability to be an accountable president right?
Now I dont want to give the wrong impression, its not JUST texas that's full of crazy people.
They have some in Oregon too....although in Oregon's defense those are involuntary imports from Nevada.
By which of course I mean the Bundy Boys/Y'all Quadea/ the militia who took over (and have inexpectiably been allowed to keep) a wildlife refugee back at the beginning of the month.
Turns out, they finally have a list of demands......cause I guess they finally figured out what they are doing up there.
And as expected, the list is pretty epic
First, according to the "leader" Ammon Bundy
"The FBI does not have, really anything to do with the situation. It is the people, their county, and their land. And, the federal government simply needs to adhere to the constitution of the United States. Adhere to the rules and Article 1.817 and comply."
Funny story about that. Assuming he means article 1, Clause 8, AKA the enumerated power clause and the 17th listed power well here it is:
To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the Acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings;
Translation: Federal government has the SOLE authority over any lands given to them by the state.....like say a wildlife refugee in Oregon that they got back in 1908.
But really its no surprise Ammon Bundy accidentally disproved his own arguement. He's a right winger after all, they read the Constitution about as much as a catholic reads the bible (which is to say they dont) and for the same reason (someone else told them what it actually "means"/"says")
“They are not happy they barricaded off their schools, you barricaded off their courtrooms and that you are walking around with literally weapons in the middle of their town and tactical gear and you name it, with a standing army, They’re not happy about that.”
Thats not a misquote by the way, thats actually the part of the speech where he gives his demands.
Just keep that in mind, that the "head" of an armed "standing army" walking around town in tactical gear and literally with weapons apparently thinks thats the "other guys"
Now on to his demads: Well first he thinks the FBI should "do your job, in which you were established to do, which was to investigate bureaucracies, federal bureaucracies.”
"Well, if you want to do something. Do an investigation of one of your own agencies. Uh, three of ‘em—Bureau of Land Management, Fish and Wildlife Service, and the uh, U.S. Forest Service, the EPA, U.S. Department of Justice and the U.S. Attorney’s office, Frank Papagni,”
Oh god damn it. what is it with right wingers being unable to count when it comes to government agencies? First Rick Perry forgot one of his 3, then Ted Cruz repeated one of his 5, now this jackass named 6 "three agencies"
To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the Acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings;
Translation: Federal government has the SOLE authority over any lands given to them by the state.....like say a wildlife refugee in Oregon that they got back in 1908.
But really its no surprise Ammon Bundy accidentally disproved his own arguement. He's a right winger after all, they read the Constitution about as much as a catholic reads the bible (which is to say they dont) and for the same reason (someone else told them what it actually "means"/"says")
“They are not happy they barricaded off their schools, you barricaded off their courtrooms and that you are walking around with literally weapons in the middle of their town and tactical gear and you name it, with a standing army, They’re not happy about that.”
Thats not a misquote by the way, thats actually the part of the speech where he gives his demands.
Just keep that in mind, that the "head" of an armed "standing army" walking around town in tactical gear and literally with weapons apparently thinks thats the "other guys"
Now on to his demads: Well first he thinks the FBI should "do your job, in which you were established to do, which was to investigate bureaucracies, federal bureaucracies.”
"Well, if you want to do something. Do an investigation of one of your own agencies. Uh, three of ‘em—Bureau of Land Management, Fish and Wildlife Service, and the uh, U.S. Forest Service, the EPA, U.S. Department of Justice and the U.S. Attorney’s office, Frank Papagni,”
Oh god damn it. what is it with right wingers being unable to count when it comes to government agencies? First Rick Perry forgot one of his 3, then Ted Cruz repeated one of his 5, now this jackass named 6 "three agencies"
he ends back where he started,,,making the same mistake too
"The federal government does not own these lands, does not have authority to be administrating or controlling these lands. It is clearly, clearly the people’s lands and not the government’s. You guys have blatantly and openly violated the Constitution and the people insist on standing or they will not have any law to protect them. And that is very simple, Chris. You guys need to recognize that you are acting outside the authority of the people and peacefully allow this transfer or transaction or however you want to say it and back to the the people and them using it as their rights. It’s very simple."
Again the very part of the Constitution Mr. Bundy directed us to says he's full of shit. But I guess in right wing world you can change your Constitution just like you can your reality.
Final thing I'm going to leave with....there is ONE more demand(Although admittedly not by Bundy but by another milita member):
Chris Christie has to Sumo Wrestle them.
And no....I'm not kidding
"The federal government does not own these lands, does not have authority to be administrating or controlling these lands. It is clearly, clearly the people’s lands and not the government’s. You guys have blatantly and openly violated the Constitution and the people insist on standing or they will not have any law to protect them. And that is very simple, Chris. You guys need to recognize that you are acting outside the authority of the people and peacefully allow this transfer or transaction or however you want to say it and back to the the people and them using it as their rights. It’s very simple."
Again the very part of the Constitution Mr. Bundy directed us to says he's full of shit. But I guess in right wing world you can change your Constitution just like you can your reality.
Final thing I'm going to leave with....there is ONE more demand(Although admittedly not by Bundy but by another milita member):
Chris Christie has to Sumo Wrestle them.
And no....I'm not kidding
(and no for the record, this guy ISNT actually Christie's brother.....at least not in the reality most of us live in. And yes, he DOES appear to be an actual member of the Milita)
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