Double Oh 69: License to Strip.

And in this week's "your f@cking kidding me with this law right?" we have a newly proposed law by Republican Texas state Rep. Bill Zedler. Mr. Zedlers new law would require that all strippers be licensed AND have it  “conspicuously displayed” (IE worn) while preforming. And this is separate from the license the club has to have in order to employ strippers

Oh and did we mention its has to have your real name on the license?

So yea sorry to all the Krystal's Bambi's Starr's ect out there. Your now gonna have to preform under your real names of Katrina Sanders, Brooke Vanhousen and Irma McQueen. (BTW I just made those up so if your a stripper and thats your real name its a fluke I swear).

Now I suppose I should be fair and point out that Mr. Zedler did say he'd be ok with later legislation to allow covering up the real name with something, but until that passes your Shit out of luck.

Honestly though, I want to thank Mr. Zedler. I mean I know I speak for men everywhere when I say the thought most central in my mind when I have a woman taking her clothes off for me and/or giving me a lap dance is "does she actually KNOW what shes doing, or am I getting a sub par performance?"

I mean she might look great and I might get all kinds of turned on, but lets be honest. I'm no expert in the art of stripping and lap dancing. For all I know I could be getting conned and unfairly awarding boners for substandard products. And really isnt quality everything?

I'm also kinda trilled I now get to know your real name. Again I consider myself a classy guy. Honestly I dont think I should be giving you the ol "standing ovation while sitting" until I know a little something about you.  In fact I dont see why this bill stops at the name.

Maybe its just me, but I dont trust any ole girl to rub up on my dick. I want to make sure your responsible  have a long term plan for life, live in a nice neighborhood and your zodiac sign. I'm just saying I've had a few bad experiences with Leo's in my life and would like to make sure my next encounter goes well.

And look I mean you already know if I like your performance I'll be hanging out outside your bedroom at home and looking in your windows, hoping to get your attention so that I can get a repeat performance that's a bit more private. And really wouldnt it be easier just to print your address on the license and save me the trouble of looking you up on Facebook, Linkedin, Zavasearch and Google?

Although actually to be fair, while I sure Mr. Zedler is actually concerned about all those points *sarcasm* I actually havnt gotten to his real reason yet.

"They won't want to get a license as a stripper from the state of Texas. I think it would keep a lot of girls from getting involved in that lifestyle and basically wrecking their lives. This will force everyone to clean up their act. Overall, it will be a benefit to everyone concerned."

Because yea you know once a man sees you naked we know your life is over. No seriously, it turns out that when men see naked titties just our gaze causes your soul to be ripped out of you through your nipples. Also let me just say to all the naked women I've seen in my life, sorry, I know that's probably something I should have told you before hand, but you all had such nice boobs I didnt want to risk not seeing them. I'm sure you understand.

But yea seriously thats why you have sex with the lights out, so we dont accidentally see the boobs and rip out the soul.

Actually to be fair, I guess I have to give Mr. Zedler some credit. At least he's honest, he's basically doing this simply to make life harder for those doing something he doesnt like (possibly because he hasnt seen a naked woman in a while, but that's just a guess).

And of course their is the larger point here, and its an equally value one: all you hot as hell 20 somethings have no idea what to do with a body like that, lets just be honest about it.

And really who knows better what to do with the body of a hot female 20 year old, then an 69 year old man? Cause clearly he is around hot naked 20 somethings all the time, and all those extra years of experience help him know whats best, from his own days as a hot 20 something woman......

Oh and by the way,  it should be worth pointing out Mr. Zedler has a lifetime A rating from the NRA.

Basically he thinks you have the right to carry and use a gun without a permit, but not to carry and use a pussy without a permit.

Which makes sense when you think of the staggering number of vagina related deaths every year. In fact just 3 days ago a bunch of shopper at a mall were ambushed by something carrying a rogue vagina, and 4 people fell into it and havnt been seen alive since.

And people wonder why this country cant get anything done.......

Read more here: http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/01/07/4530435/lawmakers-bill-would-license-strippers.html#storylink=cpy