Lets begin with
The “Dine and Dash” award.
This one goes to Trump, after being presented with the following story by Clinton
“I've met dishwashers, painters, architects, glass installers, marble installers, drapery installers, like my dad was, who you refused to pay when they finished the work that you asked them to do.
We have an architect in the audience who designed one of your clubhouses at one of your golf courses. It's a beautiful facility. It immediately was put to use. And you wouldn't pay what the man needed to be paid, what he was charging you to do...
TRUMP: Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work...
CLINTON: Well, to...
TRUMP: Which our country should do, too.”
Yep, that’s Donald Trump saying it’s a good idea to NOT pay people for services rendered….and that this should be applied to us at a national level, like say with the debt. It’s a wonder this man went bankrupt 4 times.
Next up:
The “soundbite you will hear in every opposition ad moving forward” award,
Again this award goes to Donald Trump for this line:
We're just opening up on Pennsylvania Avenue right next to the White House, so if I don't get there one way, I'm going to get to Pennsylvania Avenue another.
This line comes across as Trump trying to sound like he’’s outsmarted the world…..without realizing how stupid and arrogant this sounds. Not to mention equating a hotel he doesn’t actually own is the same as the white house.
Next up,
The “product placement” award
This one actually doesn’t go to a candidate, it goes to NBC’s Law and Order series, as plugged by Donald Trump:
TRUMP: Well, first of all, Secretary Clinton doesn't want to use a couple of words, and that's law and order. And we need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country.
And when I look at what's going on in Charlotte, a city I love, a city where I have investments, when I look at what's going on throughout various parts of our country, whether it's -- I mean, I can just keep naming them all day long -- we need law and order in our country.
I just got today the, as you know, the endorsement of the Fraternal Order of Police, we just -- just came in. We have endorsements from, I think, almost every police group, very -- I mean, a large percentage of them in the United States.
We have a situation where we have our inner cities, African- Americans, Hispanics are living in he'll because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot.
In Chicago, they've had thousands of shootings, thousands since January 1st.Thousands of shootings. And I'm saying, where is this? Is this a war-torn country? What are we doing? And we have to stop the violence. We have to bring back law and order. In a place like Chicago, where thousands of people have been killed, thousands over the last number of years, in fact, almost 4,000 have been killed since Barack Obama became president, over -- almost 4,000 people in Chicago have been killed. We have to bring back law and order. […]
TRUMP: But we need -- Lester, we need law and order. And we need law and order in the inner cities, because the people that are most affected by what's happening are African-American and Hispanic people. And it's very unfair to them what our politicians are allowing to happen.
For those too lazy to count, that’s 7 plugs for Law and Order in a matter of minutes
Next up
The “giving away the high ground" award
And again this award goes to Donald Trump. Ok so if there is one thing most right wingers believe, its that Hillary Clinton wants to steal your guns away from you and Donald Trump doesn’t. This is even the rational used by the NRA to endorse Trump over Clinton….then this happened.
First Clinton said this:
“And we finally need to pass a prohibition on anyone who's on the terrorist watch list from being able to buy a gun in our country. If you're too dangerous to fly, you are too dangerous to buy a gun. So there are things we can do, and we ought to do it in a bipartisan way.”
Which then led Trump to say:
“First of all, I agree, and a lot of people even within my own party want to give certain rights to people on watch lists and no- fly lists. I agree with you. When a person is on a watch list or a no-fly list, and I have the endorsement of the NRA, which I'm very proud of.”
Now because he pulls a trump and fails to complete his sentence, it could be argued it’s a bit unclear, but basically it seems like Trump just said he agrees with Hillary on gun control.
Especially when he followed it with this:
“Well, I'm talking about taking guns away from gangs and people that use them. And I don't think -- I really don't think you disagree with me on this, if you want to know the truth.”
Now again, thanks to Trump’s limited speaking abilities its not clear who “people that use them” are…..but its apparently a wide range of gun owners outside of the previously mentioned groups.
So yea, 2nd amendment people, why are you voting Trump? He just said, twice, he’s coming for your guns as hard as Clinton would.
Next up,
the “reversal of the night” award
This one goes to Hillary Clinton, for what in all honesty I think is the best political debate maneuver shes ever had. It started when Trump said this:
“And I will tell you, you look at the inner cities -- and I just left Detroit, and I just left Philadelphia, and I just -- you know, you've seen me, I've been all over the place. You decided to stay home, and that's OK. But I will tell you, I've been all over. And I've met some of the greatest people I'll ever meet within these communities. And they are very, very upset with what their politicians have told them and what their politicians have done.”
To which Hillary said:
“I think -- I think -- I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate. And, yes, I did. And you know what else I prepared for? I prepared to be president. And I think that's a good thing.”
Now not only did this get applause from the people in the hall, I think its genius because I don’t think Trump was criticizing Clinton for preparing, I think he was trying to critize her for taking time off when she was sick. But he was Inarticulate (because hes trump) so Clinton managed to slam him hard on an attack he didn’t mean to make, and one that, even days after the debate hes taking heat for and has no defense for.
So yea, big win for Clinton on that one.
Speaking of big wins for Clinton……its time to get to Birtherism:
First up
the “Please stop asking me about this award”
Not shockingly this one goes to Trump, for when he was asked why he suddenly decided Obama was a citizen and said this:
“When I got involved, I didn't fail. I got him to give the birth certificate. So I'm satisfied with it. And I'll tell you why I'm satisfied with it.
HOLT: That was...
TRUMP: Because I want to get on to defeating ISIS, because I want to get on to creating jobs, because I want to get on to having a strong border, because I want to get on to things that are very important to me and that are very important to the country.”
That’s literally Trump saying “Im satisfied with it because Id rather not talk about it anymore. Plus this was a dead issue when Obama produced his birth certificate.
Sadly for him, Lester Holt called out the chronological lie here, which leads into our next award
The “I did not prep for this shit AT ALL” award
HOLT: I will let you respond. It's important. But I just want to get the answer here. The birth certificate was produced in 2011. You've continued to tell the story and question the president's legitimacy in 2012, '13, '14, '15...
TRUMP: Yeah.
HOLT: .... as recently as January. So the question is, what changed your mind?
TRUMP: Well, nobody was pressing it, nobody was caring much about it. I figured you'd ask the question tonight, of course. But nobody was caring much about it. But I was the one that got him to produce the birth certificate. And I think I did a good job.
Secretary Clinton also fought it. I mean, you know -- now, everybody in mainstream is going to say, oh, that's not true. Look, it's true. Sidney Blumenthal sent a reporter -- you just have to take a look at CNN, the last week, the interview with your former campaign manager. And she was involved. But just like she can't bring back jobs, she can't produce.
This time Trump’s answer has two parts….once again he says he basically only “changed” his mind cause he wasn’t getting any real media attention for it….but more problematic is his claim that he “assumed” the question was coming.
And its problematic because, if you assumed this question was coming, WHY DIDN’T HE HAVE AN ANWSER READY TO GO?, cause all he had was “Please can we not talk about this” and tried to change subjects.
Seriously how bad do you have to be to fail the question you openly claim you knew was coming?
Next up,
The “NO FATTIES” award.
Anyone want to take a while guess who gets this one? Yep, its trump……but probably not for the bit your expecting (I’ll get to rosie later), instead it goes to this bit:
“I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that broke into the DNC. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?”
I guess in Trump world, the only people good with computers are super fat (and implied) losers. Well there goes the youth vote. Also makes this next bit kinda awkward:
I have a son. He's 10 years old. He has computers. He is so good with these computers, it's unbelievable. The security aspect of cyber is very, very tough. And maybe it's hardly doable.
So I guess Trump’s 10 year old son is 400lbs?
Next, the “What are you waiting for” award
And Trump’s streak continues.
In addition to the previously mentioned Email thing, Donald Trump also says he’d have done better if only he’d been able to bring up Benghazi…..well about that:
“Or, as I've been saying for a long time, and I think you'll agree, because I said it to you once, had we taken the oil -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the oil was their primary source of income. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters.”
And then the conversation moved on. Where’s the follow up? You want to talk about Benghazi, that was your chance….so what were you waiting for?
To be honest, I think trump was getting tired….cause from this point on his debate performance starts decline at an accelerated pace, which leads to our next award.
The “I’d Like to phone a friend” award:
Seriously. At one point Donald Trump actually asked people to call someone else rather than have him defend his own bullshit.
“I then spoke to Sean Hannity, which everybody refuses to call Sean Hannity. I had numerous conversations with Sean Hannity at Fox. And Sean Hannity said -- and he called me the other day -- and I spoke to him about it -- he said you were totally against the war, because he was for the war.
HOLT: Why is your judgment better than...
TRUMP: And when he -- excuse me. And that was before the war started. Sean Hannity said very strongly to me and other people -- he's willing to say it, but nobody wants to call him. I was against the war. He said, you used to have fights with me, because Sean was in favor of the war.
And I understand that side, also, not very much, because we should have never been there. But nobody called Sean Hannity. And then they did an article in a major magazine, shortly after the war started. I think in '04. But they did an article which had me totally against the war in Iraq.
And one of your compatriots said, you know, whether it was before or right after, Trump was definitely -- because if you read this article, there's no doubt. But if somebody -- and I'll ask the press -- if somebody would call up Sean Hannity, this was before the war started. He and I used to have arguments about the war. I said, it's a terrible and a stupid thing. It's going to destabilize the Middle East. And that's exactly what it's done. It's been a disaster.”
For those counting at home, that is 4 times Trump begged someone to let him phone a friend….because debates are hard.
And it only got harder, with our next award
The “they arnt laughing with you” award.
This award again goes to Trump who in the span of a couple of seconds got laughed at by the audience…..twice (although admittedly Clinton gets the assist for one of those)
“TRUMP: Well, I have much better judgment than she does. There's no question about that. I also have a much better temperament than she has, you know?
(LAUGHTER)
I have a much better -- she spent -- let me tell you -- she spent hundreds of millions of dollars on an advertising -- you know, they get Madison Avenue into a room, they put names -- oh, temperament, let's go after -- I think my strongest asset, maybe by far, is my temperament. I have a winning temperament. I know how to win. She does not have a...”
Yea, you can see how great Trump’s temperament is, just by looking at the change in his ability to complete a sentence once the audience started laughing……look how flustered he got. And then Clinton comes along for the kill:
“HOLT: Secretary Clinton?
TRUMP: Wait. The AFL-CIO the other day, behind the blue screen, I don't know who you were talking to, Secretary Clinton, but you were totally out of control. I said, there's a person with a temperament that's got a problem.
HOLT: Secretary Clinton?
CLINTON: Whew, OK.
(LAUGHTER)”
This by the way is the now infamous “shimmy” people are talking about for this debate……just to give full context.
So yea, that’s trump getting mocked twice….and the nights not over yet.
The “WAR! HUH, GOOD GOD YALL, What is it good for?” Award
Do I even have to say who’s winning this one? Yep the Trump streak continues. Although this moment appears to have slipped under most people’s radars it seems, Donald Trump has no idea what might or might not start a war.
CLINTON: The other day, I saw Donald saying that there were some Iranian sailors on a ship in the waters off of Iran, and they were taunting American sailors who were on a nearby ship. He said, you know, if they taunted our sailors, I'd blow them out of the water and start another war. That's not good judgment.
TRUMP: That would not start a war.
CLINTON: That is not the right temperament to be commander-in- chief, to be taunted. And the worst part...
TRUMP: No, they were taunting us.”
So yea, in Trump world blowing soldiers up wouldn’t piss off their government, because they were “taunting” us and no taunt can ever ever ever ever ever ever ever go unanswered (Im pretty sure that’s actually the Trump family motto by the way) and of course the other government would totally see it that way too…..
Next we reach a moment that will go down in the record books…..
The “Fastest flip flop in the history of mankind award”
Which happened when Trump said this:
“I agree with her on one thing. The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks.”
So in the course of a single sentence, Trump agrees with Hillary that nukes are the greatest problem, then disagrees with Hillary actually having said that and instead says he disagrees with her because she believes something else.
And all of this is about 15 seconds…..which Ive seen a couple of places claim is actually the legit record for fastest flip flop in a presidential debate in history (no idea if they are right though)….just saying.
And by the way…..Trumps logical issues are about to get whole hell of a lot worse
Our next award
The “Word Salad” award.
Trump picks this one up for this exchange near the end of the debate:
“HOLT: Which leads to my next question, as we enter our last segment here (inaudible) the subject of securing America. On nuclear weapons, President Obama reportedly considered changing the nation's longstanding policy on first use. Do you support the current policy? Mr. Trump, you have two minutes on that.
TRUMP: Well, I have to say that, you know, for what Secretary Clinton was saying about nuclear with Russia, she's very cavalier in the way she talks about various countries. But Russia has been expanding their -- they have a much newer capability than we do. We have not been updating from the new standpoint.
I looked the other night. I was seeing B-52s, they're old enough that your father, your grandfather could be flying them. We are not -- we are not keeping up with other countries. I would like everybody to end it, just get rid of it. But I would certainly not do first strike.
I think that once the nuclear alternative happens, it's over. At the same time, we have to be prepared. I can't take anything off the table. Because you look at some of these countries, you look at North Korea, we're doing nothing there. China should solve that problem for us. China should go into North Korea.China is totally powerful as it relates to North Korea.
And by the way, another one powerful is the worst deal I think I've ever seen negotiated that you started is the Iran deal. Iran is one of their biggest trading partners. Iran has power over North Korea.
And when they made that horrible deal with Iran, they should have included the fact that they do something with respect to North Korea. And they should have done something with respect to Yemen and all these other places.
And when asked to Secretary Kerry, why didn't you do that? Why didn't you add other things into the deal? One of the great giveaways of all time, of all time, including $400 million in cash. Nobody's ever seen that before. That turned out to be wrong. It was actually $1.7 billion in cash, obviously, I guess for the hostages. It certainly looks that way.
So you say to yourself, why didn't they make the right deal? This is one of the worst deals ever made by any country in history. The deal with Iran will lead to nuclear problems. All they have to do is sit back 10 years, and they don't have to do much.
HOLT: Your two minutes is expired.
TRUMP: And they're going to end up getting nuclear. I met with Bibi Netanyahu the other day. Believe me, he's not a happy camper.”
So 3 things are clear here….one Trump keeps contradicting himself (for example how much money was in that deal?, Does China control North Korea, or does Iran),
Second apparently Iran runs the world and influences everything. They must be the illuminati
But last and most important…holy fucking crap does Trump clearly not know anything about the policy.
Next up….
The “wait, where the f*ck am I?” award.
I’m pretty sure there was a moment right near the end of the debate in which Trump may have straight out forgotten where he was or what he was doing.
HOLT: Mr. Trump, this year Secretary Clinton became the first woman nominated for president by a major party. Earlier this month, you said she doesn't have, quote, "a presidential look." She's standing here right now. What did you mean by that?
TRUMP: She doesn't have the look. She doesn't have the stamina. I said she doesn't have the stamina. And I don't believe she does have the stamina. To be president of this country, you need tremendous stamina.
HOLT: The quote was, "I just don't think she has the presidential look."
TRUMP: You have -- wait a minute. Wait a minute, Lester. You asked me a question. Did you ask me a question?
You have to be able to negotiate our trade deals. You have to be able to negotiate, that's right, with Japan, with Saudi Arabia. I mean, can you imagine, we're defending Saudi Arabia? And with all of the money they have, we're defending them, and they're not paying? All you have to do is speak to them. Wait. You have so many different things you have to be able to do, and I don't believe that Hillary has the stamina.
Notice what happened when the moderator tried to feed Trump his own quote….Trump appears to straight up get confused as to what’s going on…asking if he was asked a question….then proceeds to give an answer (about Trade Deals) that was actually relevant to the previous question….only to top himself at the very end (“Wait.”) and actually restate his original claim.
Next up, our last award,
The “Boy who cried Bitch” award.
Again, add this one to the pile for Trump. So Trump was attacked by Hillary for the things he said about women and his defense was:
“TRUMP: You know, Hillary is hitting me with tremendous commercials. Some of it's said in entertainment. Some of it's said -- somebody who's been very vicious to me, Rosie O'Donnell, I said very tough things to her, and I think everybody would agree that she deserves it and nobody feels sorry for her.
But you want to know the truth? I was going to say something...
HOLT: Please very quickly.
TRUMP: ... extremely rough to Hillary, to her family, and I said to myself, "I can't do it. I just can't do it. It's inappropriate. It's not nice." But she spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads on me, many of which are absolutely untrue. They're untrue. And they're misrepresentations.”
Meaning Trump’s defense for I say nasty things to women was basically “yea but the bitches deserve it….buy hey, at least I’m not saying them to you….I’m just going to imply them, heh heh heh, look how clever I am”. It kinda like when a toddler trys to outsmart you by “hiding” behind the coatrack….except in trumps case no one is pretending they cant see him. And the worst part is……he’s still trying to pull this scam to convince people he didn’t massive fuck up the debate. So now of course, Miss Universe, Miss Australia, and others are major scandals for Trump. Though you have to enjoy the irony of a bunch of beauty queens taking out Trump.
So there you have it folks, the first 2016 Presidential Debate awards…..join us for the 2nd award show in about 2 weeks, when the remaining pieces of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton face off yet again.
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