Even the Wingnuts are bigger in Texas part 3

And finally folks we wrap up our investigation of the crazy with Part 3. (Part 1. Part 2.)

And we start with the Economy. Now alot of this shit is crazy, but its also very technical to explain WHY its crazy, so I am going to try to limit myself here to the snarky stuff.

5-2: Downsizing the Federal Government

"We encourage the abolishment of any and all federal agencies  not based on an enumerated power granted by the United States federal constitution.

All non-military spending should be returned to at least  pre-2008 levels"

All right so we established back in part 1, The Texas GOP hasnt actually READ the Constitution. This is where they double (or well more like octupple down on that). See this time its Article II section 2, Clause 1....that being the part that gives the president to right to establish (without restriction) executive agencies.

And then to the second point. it appears they dont read anything else either. See that spending level may be a goal you want to achieve, but if thats the case you MAY want to retitle this particular plank.  You see non defense discretionary spending is actually below 2008 levels. If we take it back to 2008 levels your basically "upsizing" the federal government, not downsizing it.

5-9:  Funding Special Interest Organizations.
"We oppose any direct financial support of special interest organizations, such as ACORN and the ACLU, by any level of government"

Yea....see....heres the thing. Acorn DOESNT EXIST. In fact it hasnt existed in about 4 years, because Conservatives killed it off. Now this SHOULD be the kinda thing conservatives brag about, except they realized they needed a boogyman to scare people, so lied and said they didnt win. And now you drank so much of your own kool-aid your falling for your own lie.

 
5-18: Taxation by a Foreign Entity

"We believe that any attempt to allow the United Nations or any other foreign entity to levy taxes on U.S. citizens or governments should be rejected."

We also believe respiration should be encouraged. We also believe food should be consumed. We also believe grass should be green. We also believe the Sun should be hot.

Chalk this one up to the "shit no one is actually trying to do, and is so fuckingly obviously supported by 100% of the people of the country (and likely the world) as to be mind boggling that they felt the need to state it. I'm guessing this is another of those "We heard it on Alex Jones/Glenn Beck" planks.

5-49: Alternative Energy Sources

"We encourage economically viable use of wind, coal-fired plants, solar, and nuclear power, and bio-sources without government subsidies"

Course oil companies can keep their subsidies....how else do we ensure ^ kinds of companies fail?  

5-67: Sound Money

"Our Founding Fathers warned us of the dangers of allowing central bankers to control our currency because inflation equals taxation without representation. We support the return to the time-tested precious metal standard for the U.S. dollar."

Alright look, I'm only an American History major by training, so I might be a little out of my element here, but I dont think thats what the founders meant when they said "taxation without representation". I think what they were referring to was British attempts to tax the colonies without giving them a seat in parliament to vote on the taxes.

I also think Alexander Hamilton was a founding father. As was Robert Morris, the man Hamilton picked to set up the nations first centralized bank (the Bank of North America) under the articles of confederation. As was George Washington, who as president signed into law the First National Bank of the United States (our second centralized bank). Then again I could be wrong.

Also I do so love the idea a shiny rock is worth more than a piece of paper...Im pretty sure they both have the same intrinsic value (nothing). Also lets be honest, the whole metal standard thing did work pretty well. Well except for the Great Depression. And the Panic of 1907. And the Panic of 1893. And the Long Depression (1873). And the Panic of 1857. And the Panic of 1837. And the Panic of 1819. And the Panic of 1796.  (Oh by the way, its not an accident that most of those fit into the period of time (between 1836 and 1913) that we didnt have a centralized bank).

But you know, other than those few decades, precious metals never let us down.

Finally the last section of the GOP platform in Texas, that I'm dubbing "'Merica fuck yea"

6-1: Texas Sovereignty

"We reaffirm Texas’ state sovereignty, as reserved under the 10th Amendment. Texas retains its sovereignty, freedoms, independence, power, jurisdiction and rights which are not delegated to the federal government by the United States Constitution." 

Wait. Texas is a state? Your fucking with me right? and they are the exact same as the other 49? no fucking way........

6-4: United Nations Agenda 21.

"We oppose implementation of the UN Agenda 21 treaty policies and its supporting organizations, agreements and contracts which were adopted at the Earth Summit Conference in 1992. We oppose the influence, promotion and implementation of all international nongovernmental organizations’ programs and policies and the use of taxes to promote these programs."

Wait a minute...this seems familiar, hang on a second.*scrolls up the party platform.*
Ah here we go:

1-31:

"The Republican Party of Texas should expose all United Nations

Agenda 21 treaty policies and its supporting organizations, agreements and contracts. We oppose implementation of the UN Agenda 21 Program which was adopted at the Earth Summit Conference in 1992 purporting to promote a comprehensive program of sustainable development projects, nationally, regionally and locally. We oppose the influence, promotion and implementation of nongovernmental organizations, metropolitan and/or regional planning organizations, Councils of Government, and International Council for Local Environmental initiatives and the use of American (Texas) citizen’s taxes to promote these programs."

Wow they forgot they already put that in the platform? thats kinda awkward....

Unless it was intentional. See Section 1-31 was on page 5, Section 6-4 was on page 35. And they did say in Section 1-23 they had a 30 page limit. They just wanted to ensure no matter what 30 pages you read you read that part.

6-5: Homeland Security

"We support the strengthening of our nation’s homeland security while protecting the constitutional rights of all United States citizens and lawful resident aliens."

6-6: Decommission Homeland Security.

"We support decommissioning the Department of Homeland Security and reorganizing into previously existing structures. The communication barriers between security agencies should be reconciled"

So lets see, you want to strengthen Homeland Security by getting rid of it? Again I have to ask DID ANYONE REMEMBER TO READ UP 1 FREAKING LINE BEFORE VOTING ON THE IDEA???

6-26 Israel.

"We believe that the United States and Israel share a special long-standing relationship based on shared values, a mutual commitment to a republican form of government, and a strategic alliance that benefits both nations. Our foreign policy with Israel should reflect the right of sovereign nations to govern themselves and have self-determination. In our diplomatic dealings with Israel, we encourage the continuation of peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians, but oppose pressuring Israel to compromise their sovereignty or security. Our policy is inspired by God’s biblical promise to bless those who bless Israel and curse those who curse Israel and we further invite other nations and organizations to enjoy the benefits of that promise."

Yea. I got to ask, do you all READ anything? See the biblical promise your referring too doesnt seem to exist.

I think your using this passage from Genesis “I will bless those who bless you, And I will curse him who curses you; And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed”

Now that's God talking to Abraham, thing is Israel didnt exist when that conversation took place. It was settled by Jacob, Abraham's descendant 4 generations later. (or 400 years depending on translation)
  

Thats per your own holy book.......which much like the Constitution, you dont seem that familiar with.

And finally we end on, what else, Bengahzi.

6-29: Benghazi

"We call upon the United States House of Representatives to appoint a select committee and a special prosecutor in order to subpoena testimony to fully investigate all aspects of the Benghazi debacle, 

including, but not limited to, the reason Ambassador Stevens was in Benghazi; the denied assistance before and during the attack, the accounts of personnel who participated in the defense of the Embassy Annex, and the apparent attempt by the White House to deceive the American public with a concocted story about a spontaneous reaction to a YouTube video. We call for bringing those responsible to justice."

Yea, see here's the thing. That already happened. The guy whos chairing the select committee is named Trey Gowdy. Thing is you havnt heard much from him recently because it turned out all those questions you raised have already been answered by the last 7 republican committees to investigate Benghazi. Well that and Gowdy and Republican party as a whole got caught fundrasing off the idea. And Darrell Issa (the republican who Gowdy was "replacing" for lack of a better term) released documents supporting the White Houses version of events, while basically admitting he [Issa] had had them the whole time, meaning the entire Benghazi thing was one massive troll attempt by the GOP.

So yea, you got trolled.

And actually so did my readers. You see this isnt the LAST thing, its just the last numbered thing. There was one more thing, tacked on to the bottom of the platform, and not numbered that needs to be mentioned. And in fully trouped irony, it really is the best part of the entire thing.

"Resolution in Support of Prioritizing Constitutional Carry Legislation

We call upon the 84th Texas Legislature to propose to the people of Texas a Constitutional Amendment to strike “; but the Legislature shall have power, by law, to regulate the wearing of arms, with a view to prevent crime” from Article I, Section 23 of the Texas Constitution. 

Further, we direct the State Party Chair and the State Republican Executive Committee to consider adoption of such an Amendment and other legislation necessary to remove restrictions on Texans' right to own and bear arms a legislative priority for the Republican Party of Texas for the 2015 legislative session and to utilize reasonable Party resources necessary to promote and support their passage."

Everyone got that right? the Texas GOP is actually asking for a constitutional amendment to ban an attempt to lower the rate of gun related crimes. Basically they are throwing their support behind the idea of RAISING the crime rate......

Yea I told you, even the wingnuts are bigger (and a whole fuck of a lot crazier) in Texas......