Even the Wingnuts are bigger in Texas, part 2

Alright folks, welcome to part 2 of the crazy shit the Texas GOP just voted into their party platform. (part 1 in case you missed it)

First up we hit the section on social issues. Now in the interest of brevity I'm leaving out the mundane crazy stuff (anti gay, anti divorce, abortion ect) and just hitting the craziest examples.  

2-5: Family Values

"We support the affirmation of traditional Judeo-Christian family values and oppose the continued assault on those values. We strongly support a women’s right to choose to devote her life to her family and children. We recognize her sacrifice in the face of the assault on the family. Additionally, we recognize the challenges of single parents and applaud their efforts in creating a stable and moral home."

WOW they support a womans right to choose. I'm legitimately shocked.

See its right there in the text. They support a womans right to choose to get her bitch ass in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. In fact they support it so much they dont give an alternative. Instead they just say that the sacrifice you make to get my sandwhich, not to mention spread your legs to have my babies, will be recognized. 

2-8: Pornography.

"We encourage the enforcement of laws regarding all forms of pornography, because pornography is detrimental to society and demeaning to women and children."

But its not detrimental to men. See unlike women we are mature enough to handle seeing a vagina......

2-11: Roe V.  Wade

"We are resolute in our support of the reversal of Roe v. Wade."

by the way, the difference in text size is not my doing. thats actually how it appears in the platform. I guess they figured the size you write equals how serious you are. Which also means they really arent that serious about the rest of this shit.

2-12: Natural Life

"We revere the sanctity of human life and therefore oppose genocide, euthanasia, and assisted suicide."

We also lead the nation in state sponsored executions...which I think are basically state unwanted assisted suicides and/or euthanasia. But other then that, we believe in life...kinda.

2-27: Child Abuse Prevention. 

"We believe that no individual convicted of child abuse or molestation should have the right to custody or adoption of a minor child. An abused child should be given the option of declining visitation with his/her abuser. If court ordered, visitation with minor children by such persons should be supervised."

2-29: Foster Care

"We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline and home schooling in foster homes."

Again, can you pick a side? Because you just came out in favor of protecting children from abuse and allowing people to whoop a kids ass.

Unless your saying beatings dont count as abuse?

Next up, education. Sadly most of this is mudane, and doesnt rise to the level of being extremely insane. But I do what I can

3-24: Religious Freedom in Public Schools
"We urge school administrators and officials to inform Texas school students and district personnel specifically of their First Amendment rights to pray and engage in religious speech, individually or in groups, on school property without government interference. We urge the Legislature to end censorship of 

discussion of religion in our founding documents and encourage discussing those documents, including the Bible as their basis. Students and district personnel have the right to display Christian items on school property"

Yea, if we are going to be informing people I think maybe we should start with the Texas GOP. See district personnel have no rights to pray or engage in religious speech on school groups. Same with the display of christian items.

Just saying you might want to check the law before adopting a plank asking people to break it.

Secondly as far as the biblical basis of our founding documents, you are aware that the Constitution specifically legalizes the actions prohibited by 3 of the 10 commandments (1-3, false idols, holy day ect), doesnt allow 2 more to be charged as a crime (4 (respect parents) and 6(adultery) and the very nature of our society was always designed to be in direct violation of two more (9 and 10, coveting others goods).

Furthermore of the 3 that are left (killing, theft, false witness), the Constitution is totally silent on two of them (killing and theft). Meaning that out of 10 commandments only 1, bearing false witness is actually IN the Constitution, compared to 7 allowed or countermanded by the Constitution.

Not what I would call a great "biblical basis"  

3-27: School Surveys and Testing

"Public schools should be required to obtain written parental consent for student participation in any test or questionnaire that surveys beliefs, feelings, or opinions. Parental rights, including viewing course materials prior to giving consent, should not be infringed."

So yea, welcome to texas, where the kids cant even say if they have an opinion, unless their parents pre approve the opinion.

Also do wrong answers count as opinions? I mean presumably you really did think 2+2=5 when you put it on the test. Thats an opinion, one that happens to be wrong, but an opinion none the less.

So yea, math classes in texas (along with all other classes) have just been abolished.

And now the part everyone has been waiting for.........Guns. (followed by other security laws)

4-1:  Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

"America’s founding fathers wrote the 2nd amendment with clear intent – no level of government shall regulate either the ownership or possession of firearms. Therefore we strongly oppose all laws that infringe on the right to bear arms. We oppose the monitoring of gun ownership, the taxation and regulation of  guns, ammunition, and gun magazines. We collectively urge the legislature to pass “constitutional carry” legislation whereby law-abiding citizens that possess firearms can legally exercise their God-given right to carry that firearm as well.  Until such time we urge the state to re-introduce and pass legislation easing current restrictions on firearms such as open carry and campus carry. Stiff penalties shall be imposed for frivolous litigation against legitimate firearm manufacturers. All federal acts, laws, executive orders, and court orders which restrict or infringe on the people’s right to keep and bear arms shall be invalid in Texas, not be recognized by Texas, shall be specifically rejected by Texas, and shall be considered null and void and of no effect in Texas. We urge the Texas Legislature to enact legislation to protect law-abiding firearms owners from having their right to bear arms infringed by federal agencies due to such minor mental health diagnoses as non-severe PTS (post-traumatic stress), seeking counseling for minor depression or other minor mental health diagnoses."

Because its so damn long, I went ahead and bolded the 4 parts I want to make fun of

1) Actually Texas is right, the founding fathers were VERY clear on the 2nd amendment. It, like the rest of the Amendments at the time, only applied to the FEDERAL government. That was actually the point of the 10th amendment, to make sure the amendments didnt restrict the states. Granted thats no longer the case due to the 14th amendment. But still, you'd think from a party that wants to go back to the founders intent, and references the 10th amendment and asking it be enforced no fewer than 3 times, would have some idea of what it meant.

2)God given right to carry a fire-arm? Damn I must have missed that commandment. Also hat tip to Jesus/God for knowing 2000+ years ago guns would be invented.

3) So do you think they will consider the law valid? I didnt get it the first 4 times......

4) So you know, if your only a minor mental health risk to people, its cool. By the way, wheres the line between minor and potential crazy person?

4-5:  FSLTransportation Security Administration (TSA)

"We call for the disbanding of the TSA and place airport security into the more accountable and capable hands of the state and local law enforcement."

Remember when 9/11 happened on the TSA's watch? No? Of course you dont, because back then airports were in the "more accountable and capable hands of state and local law enforcement".  Just saying......

4-9: Judeo-Christian Nation

"As America is a nation under God founded on Judeo-Christian principles, we affirm the constitutional right of all individuals to worship in the religion of their choice"

But we DID specify the religions we would really like you to choose from. Also remember a bit ago when I was talking about how the Constitution opposed Christian principles....this is one of those times. Christian principles require an attempt to convert people, which happens to be the opposite of both the Constitution, and presumably this section (although wait until the satanic memorial in texas shows up to test this theory).

4-16: Equality of All Citizens

"We deplore all discrimination. We also deplore forced sensitivity training and urge repeal of any mandate requiring it. We urge immediate repeal of the Hate Crimes Law. Until the Hate Crimes Law is totally repealed, we urge the Legislature to immediately remove the education curriculum mandate and the sexual orientation category in said Law"

In fairness they have a point. Adding extra penalties to bigots for acting on their bigotry is technically discriminatory.  In a similar vein, theirs a point to be made that guns dont kill people, bullets do.

Which is a nice way of saying, if you REALLY wanted to you COULD make that argument......just don't expect us to take you seriously.

4-20 (shockingly NOT about weed): Prison Reform

"We believe our prison systems should emphasize protection of society and punishment of offenders, ever mindful of their human rights. Prisoners should be required to perform meaningful work. Prisoners should not have access to private information of any citizen. No extraordinary medical care, including organ transplants or body part replacement, should be performed on prisoners at taxpayer expense."

Is it just me, or are the first and last sentences contradictory? I mean we need to respect their human rights.....unless that happens to be a right to life, in which case fuck you guys. Unless of course you can pay for it....while not having a job, or insurance because YOUR IN PRISON.

Also seems to me this would further contradict section 2-12....but maybe thats just me.

4-26: Unborn Victims of Violence

"We believe a person who injures or kills an unborn child should be subject to criminal and civil litigation"

Of course you have to prove the killing was intentional, so ladies get ready to fully document your miscarriages! :D Hopefully you never did anything even remotely wrong.....

That wraps up Part 2. the 3rd and final part will be up soon, but until it is, let me leave you with this, the next theme song of the Texas GOP