Top 5 avengers who have no god damn business being on the team

UPDATED 5/1/15. So its been pointed out to me I kinda goofed in my original post. So my original #5 was Deathbird, except according to multiple sources, including Marvel.com, she was only an honorary member of the team, and therefor not eligable for this list.

Luckily I also discovered someone I thought to be an honorary member of the team, based on the premise of "they couldnt possibly be that stupid to make this person a real member" is in fact a new member. They are also my new Number 1 due to how bad an idea they were.

So everyone else drops down a place, but otherwise the rankings remain unchanged, except for my new number 1. Anyways on to my original post

So rounding out my trilogy of avengers based posts (back to politics soon I promise), is the counter ranking to my last couple of posts.

In comics so far their have been 111 avengers (not counting honorary members, young avengers, avengers academy students or dark avengers and other unofficial and/or evil teams). So not shockingly some of the members just really dont belong on the team.

Now while doing this list I tried to avoid characters who only appear to be bad avengers because the writer couldnt use them/suffered from bad writing. I instead focused on the characters who even in universe it makes no sense to have recruited. So although Storm was highly misused as an avengers (read, the writer did NOTHING with her and even had her quit the team between panels) it makes in universe sense for the avengers to have recruited her, so she wouldnt count for this list. 

Also this is not a worst avengers list, because frankly most of the characters who would be on that list get there because they play such a minor and forgettable role on the team they had no impact at all. So that wouldnt be that fun to write about (although for those who are curious I will give my list (sans reasons) at the end of this just as I did my "top 10 avengers including the movie ones at the end of that list).

Instead think of this list as the list of "questionable hires" no matter potential or how they turned out.

So with that in mind

#5

Ares.

Alright so the Avengers do have a history of recruiting Gods for the team, and on its face maybe recruiting the God of War seems like a good idea. Until you remember that Ares has spent centuries trying to kill his brother, avengers member Hercules, and as a result has spend the last few decades fighting the avengers, because they are his brothers friends and teammates.

So yea recruiting one of your enemies who wants to kill one of your teammates, no possible war this could go wrong....

Now yes Ares was recruited during the "civil war" in which all of marvels superheroes were fighting each other and the avengers had splinted into smaller teams depending on their beliefs and the what not, but still, this isnt a good idea.

Especially since Ares didnt become an avenger for any higher reason. He became an avenger because Tony Stark was paying him $44 an hour to do it and he needed money.

So it really should have surprised no one that, after Tony Stark fell from grace (and lost his money), Ares jumped ship to Norman Osborn (as in the greem goblin from spider-mans) evil team of Dark Avengers.

Seriously who didnt see that one coming?

In fairness to Ares though, he did have a legit change of heart and turned on his evil team to stop them from destroying Asgard......only to die seconds later.  I guess "redeemed in death" makes this a better idea? no?......

#4

Amadeus Cho

Amadeus Cho is 8th smartest person in the world. Thats his superpower, hes really really really really smart. And hey it might actually be worth something, if the guys in front of him didnt consist of Reed Richards, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Hank Pym and Hank McCoy, all of whom are already on the god damn team.

Plus theirs the whole underage thing again, this kid is just that, a kid (a teenager technically).

Which raises an interesting question? How dumb are the 8 smartest people in the world when most of them think its a great idea to take a kid with no true superpowers to speak of, who's one strength is already sextupletitly redundant into an avengers battle?

Yes again this is a guy who owes his membership to the aforementioned post "civil war splintering" of the Avengers. But his own team was led by Hank Pym whos already smarter than him AND has powers, and included the Vision a super advanced computer, at the time running on technology from the future so even smarter than normal.

So yea seriously this guy brought NOTHING to the table. Why was he giving a spot?

#3

James "Logan" Howlett. Wolverine

So Wolverine is the ultimate killing machine. Problem is, the avengers dont kill (this by the way is the main reason I dont like black widow on the team either).  Just saying this might lead to problems?

Furthermore Wolverine is at least in theory a loner. He joined the X-men out of necessity and while he's come to see them as his family over the years he never really showed much interest in the wider marvel universe.

And then hey one day out of the blue he decides to become an avenger....you know because.....

course at the time he joined the avengers he was also still a member of the x-men....and later became leader of the X-men AND ran X-force the X-mens covert black ops assassin team.

Just saying dude had a really full plate....and that was before he joined a second avengers team at the same time. (And although I said I wouldnt penalize characters for "bad writing" its worth noting that around this time Wolverine was off with the New Avengers team, the team runs into trouble, and Wolverine sends an SOS call off to the main Avengers team....a call that is picked up by main Avengers member Wolverine. So yea, figure that out?)

So yea, wolverine is now the ultimate killing machine on a team that wont let him kill....assuming he can show up for duty in the first place considering his other obligations allow for it, although their is never a reason given for why he'd want to be an avenger anyways (other than editorial mandate)

I guess his healing factor is useful....maybe...when he's around......

#2

Matt Murdock. Daredevil.

Alright for for decades their were two high profile marvel solo heroes to never be avengers: Spider-Man and Daredevil.

Now as I mentioned in my 10 best avengers, Spider-man wasnt a member because he didnt want to be.  Daredevil on the other hand had a much better excuse....he cant be a member. You see his radar sense gets a bit hard to deal with if there are a ton of people/heartbeats he has to keep track of that are friendlies. So he doesnt work well in a team. (hence why he's almost never been on one).

In fact he had the chance to be a founding new avenger, but turned them down....only to take them up on their next offer a few years later. Because? like seriously what changed?

Dont get me wrong, Daredevil wasnt a bad avenger (a trait he shares with Wolverine and Cho above him), although he didnt exactly stand out either, he was just kinda there. However when a guy has a clearly stated in universe legitimate reason to not join the team, thats kinda something you need to address when you reverse decades of precedence and make him join the team.

Not to mention, when a dude tells you "hey the way my powers work I might be a hindrance to you more than I help" (and it ends up hes not wrong) and you spend decades wearing him down and getting him to give in, it raises some questions about your "hiring policies". Are you guys still "earth's mightiest heroes, banding together to take on the villains no one hero could match" or has this just become a giant frat party?

And now, my NEW #1 Avenger with no damn business anywhere near this team (or any team for that matter)

Matt Hawk. Two Gun Kid

So in the Marvel Universe, Matt Hawk is the original superhero by in-universe history. Because he was the first person to wear a mask to conceal his identity while doing good......in the 1870's. Now I know what your thinking, but no Hawk isnt a mutant, hes not immortal, he wasnt frozen in a block of ice, nothing. When an avengers villain went into the past the Avengers followed him, and on that trip met Two-Gun, who helped them out, then decided he wanted to tag alone.

After considering the danger to the time space continuum, and knowing full well they lived in a multiverse, in which changing the past would change the present/create a parallel timeline to which the avengers would return (and not the original one from which they left) the avengers decide "fuck it" and brought two gun to the present day (then the 1980's). Only after getting to the 1980's was two gun made a member of the avengers.

By the way, want to know what two guns powers are? he doesnt have any. All he has is a lifetime of training with pistols and horses to make him one of a dozen or so "best gunfighters of the era" Now keep in mind, the avengers regularly fight foes who laugh off getting hit in the face with Thor's hammer.

So yea, a dude whos a good shot with a pistol that would be considered an antique is really tip the balance on that one.  Seriously, woo-wee (as two gun would say) talk about a difference maker...

I mean say what you will about hawkeye not having powers, at least he's got some bad ass trick arrows, thats more than Two gun could ever have.

Not to mention, you really want to take a guy whos idea of a "radical notion" is women in pants and black folks not being property and put him on a team that pretty regularly fights aliens and has a team member who is an artificial life form?  Oh and one that would later be lead by a black woman in pants........

Just saying, this really aint gonna end well, especially when he shoots out the light-bulbs because he hasnt figured out the difference between that and evil magic (another thing the avengers deal with regularly)

Now of course, eventually the Avengers send the guy back to his own time.......or well so they though. It was recently revealed that Two Gun was stopped from returning by a group of "time-police" who are supposed to protect the timeline from destruction

Which would be cool and all if not for one small problem.

So in real life, one of the earliest marvel comics superheroes (actually appearing in Marvel Comics #1 in 1939) was named "The Angel" (not the one from the x-men). Now in universe the Angel had been a doctor until he was inspired to become a crime fighter by one of his patients. And it was his run as "The Angel" that provided the inspiration for literally EVERY OTHER SUPERHERO EVER. Basically according to the in-universe history, if "The Angel" had never been, no other superhero would have even been inspired to become a hero, and their would be no superheroes.

By the way, you want to guess the name of the patient who inspired "The Angel" to be born? (and who happened to leave "The Angel" his guns and mask upon his death as the final inspiration? )  If you guessed Matt Hawk, you'd be right.

Except of course, thanks to the Avengers Hawk is stuck in our present, some 80 odd years or so after he was supposed to have died, and in doing so inspired "The Angel" who is needed to inspire everyone else. Which means Two gun wont die when he was supposed to, and therefore there will be no "Angel" and therefore no other superheroes.  Which would kinda remove the current Marvel Universe from existence. (something by the way that is actually happening right now in the comics, albeit for slightly different reasons)

So great way to go avengers, YOU JUST DESTROYED TIME FOR A DUDE WHOS TALENT IS FIRING A GUN KINDA GOOD! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? LIKE SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS JUST FAILED AT YOUR ENTIRE REASON TO EXIST!


So yea, even if the given reason for the ending of the marvel universe doesnt involve Two Gun Kid, thats probably just  "bad" luck, but even if somehow his being here wouldnt have destroyed everything, thats still a big ass risk to take for a cowboy. Which is why Two Gun Kid is the avenger with the lease business being near the team

So yea, there you have it, 5 avengers who have no business being on the team.

And because I promised it at the beginning, the top 10 worst avengers list (none of which I expect anyone other than hardcore fans to have heard of)

10) Machine Man (my new entry to replace Deathcry)
9) Stingray
8) Echo
7) Jack of Hearts

6) Protector 

5) Jewel/Jessica Jones (who for the record only missed this list because she doesnt seem to consider herself an avenger most of the time, and is only around because her husband is an avenger)

4) Gilgamesh/The Forgotten One
3) Sentry
2) Dr. Druid
1) Lionheart