This month in stupid

Well it seems once again, our idiot meter has hit full retard, and we all know the rules:

Unless of course your an elected politician..... so with that in mind here we go.

First us John McCain. As many may remember McCain was not happy with the trade of 5 Taliban members for Bowe Bergdahl that he had suggested a few months prior.

Well somewhere in the depths of John McCain's brain, presumably from the same part that suggested Sarah Palin, McCain came up with what we should have done instead:

“I believe there are other prisoners, some of whom we have already released, that we could have released in exchange”

Thats right, in McCain logic we could have released people we no longer had to get the taliban to release these guys. Because if we ask nicely they will give us something for nothing......

That should work "Hey guys you know the 500+ guys we already gave you when bush was in office? How about you just give us this guy or otherwise we will get in our time machines and unrelease those guys. Deal?"

I cant imagine they would say no to that.......

I have to say, Christmas has to suck in the McCain Family "Well kids, I believe there are other presents, some of which I already gave you in years prior, that could count as your gifts this year too”

While we are on the subject of Time Machines John McCain isnt the only republican who thinks we have one. Enter Congressman Charles Boustany.

during a congressional investigation into the so called and totally made up IRS scandal, Rep Boustany wanted to know about the fact that IRS official Lois Lerner's computer was scrapped without anyone knowing.

At first his question even seems reasonable:

"Why wasn't this committee notified before a decision was made to completely recycle her hard drive?"

Yea see, thats a pretty good question, I mean if the IRS isnt doing anything illegal you'd think they would make sure the committee knew and approved them destroying a key piece of evidence. looks like the GOP got them dead to rights  I cant see any way out of this one for the IRS.....

"[IRS Commissioner in reply] Uh, the committee was not notified because that decision would have been made three years ago. It's not a decision—none of this had anything to do with the investigation."

I dont know if I accept the "this happened before you existed excuse" it sounds like bullshit to me. Hell this is the same reason I never forgave Edward the VIII for abdicating the British Throne without asking for my opinion. All I'm saying is i'm an extremely distant relative, I should have been fucking consulted on family matters, I dont fucking care that my mother wasnt even born yet, why the fuck didnt he get in a time machine and ask me damn it.....

Next up Oklahoma State Democratic Senator (side note Democrats exist in Oklahoma? who knew....) Constance Johnson, who recently introduced a bill to legalize weed.

Now I have nothing against legalizing pot, but Mrs. Johnson's justification is one of the WORST I've heard.

“We’re putting forth Genesis 1:29 as the basis of this campaign. God created this wonderful, miraculous plant and we know that it has been vilified for the last 100 years, and it’s time to change that in Oklahoma.”

By the way, you know what other miraculous plant God created that is vilified? Nightshade. Poison Ivy. 

Ricin. Pretty sure God created all those too, and they will fucking kill you.

Unless of course you believe nothing created by God can harm you

Dont worry folks.....he's fine, not even hurt at all...........


Next up, taking our secondary award of "this week in the most oblivious" Speaker of the House John Boehner, with a late entry (by late I mean, this happened in the couple days I was working on this blog :p) when he tweeted this:

Democrats like to say they want to fix #ObamaCare, but where’s their plan? They don’t have one.
— Speaker John Boehner (@SpeakerBoehner) July 7, 2014

Um 2 things:
1) Republicans like to say they want to replace #ObamaCare, but where's their plan? They don't have one.....and we've been waiting 5 fucking years!!!!!

Like seriously my nephew could likely come up with a replace plan by now. Granted he's only 2 years old so it wouldnt be a good plan, but at least he'd have something

2) You want to know what the Democrats plan is? You might want to check with this guy named Speaker John Boehner, rumor is he's attempting to sue the President over the changes he's making to improve Obamacare.......Oh wait, Speaker John Boehner is YOU!?!??!?!

Man even John Boehner doesnt listen to John Boehner, no wonder you suck ass as speaker.

Next up, we turn to the right wing's favorite topic of discussion

RAPE!

Spoiler alert, its not George Will. I considered putting him on here, but I realized he's already been ripped so many new assholes, there nothing left for me to work with. So instead I humbly submit to you Creationist and wack job Darek Isaacs, who apparently believes that you can't have Rape proves the existence of God. (side note, never been happier to be an atheist then I was when this argument was made) You see:

“If evolution were true, then how now shall we live?[...]You have to start asking questions: Well, if evolution is true, and it’s just all about the male propagating their DNA, we had to ask hard questions, like, well, is rape wrong?

Evolution is about the man propagating their DNA, and applying evolutionary thought to humanity then it’s basically the strongest male takes whoever he can to propagate the DNA, and it is a scary outcome, According to the evolutionary worldview, [if] that male is strong enough and he had wonderful genes, he should propagate his DNA as much as possible so that the species can progress, So it redefines everything about our society.”
So good news women, you were never raped, you just did your evolutionary duty. Or if you were raped, hey at least you proved God exists.....that's gotta count for something right?

Now I had a follow up, but I just saw something in a skirt walk by, and I have an overwhelming evolutionary urge to propagate my DNA RIGHT NOW NO MATTER WHAT. I'm sure the cops will totally understand, as an atheist, I can's possibly rape, I'd have to be religious to do that.
Next up, the winner of our other secondary award of the week "this month in racism" North Carolina State House Speaker and republican nominee for US Senate Thom Tillis who was asked what he thought about Hispanics not supporting Republicans. His reply?

"If you take a look, you mentioned the Hispanic population —the African American population, there’s a number of things that our party stands for that they embrace. I think we have to do a better job of communicating it. I think we have to do a better job of being out there in between elections, garnering support for the things that we’re trying to advance. And I think that we need a focus on limited government and free markets which is something that’s appealing to everybody. That kind of work will position us for those growing sectors. The traditional population of North Carolina and the United States is more or less stable. It’s not growing. The African American population is roughly growing but the Hispanic population and the other immigrant populations are growing in significant numbers. We’ve got to resonate with those future voters."

UH OH.

So yea, apparently the "traditional population" can only mean a few things when you exclude Blacks and Hispanics. And call it a hunch but I dont think he means this guy

Even if Tatanka (or Chris Chavis by his real name) is from North Carolina and a member of the Lumbee Tribe who were there before the United States existed.

See I tend to think by "traditional" he means White.....but I suppose i could be wrong.

And according to his campaign manager I am. You see what he really meant by "traditional" was

""Traditional" North Carolinians refers to North Carolinians who have been here for a few generations, A lot of the state's recent population growth is from people who move from other states to live, work, and settle down in North Carolina. Thom Tillis for example."

You see, he doesnt mean white people, he just means people whove lived in North Carolina for a few generations......and clearly thats not Hispanic People......or Black People.

And I went back and checked the record's he's right. See a few generations ago in say 1860 (4 or 5 generations ago), the population of North Carolina was almost entirely white. See North Carolina had a population of 660,405 of which 629,942 was white, and only the remaining 30,463 were black. Thats a tiny little amount, its therefore completely reasonable all traditional North Carolinians were white. 

Now apparently there were these very popular accessory everyone owned called a "slave" I'm not sure what that was, and there were 331,059 of them in 1860, but oddly they dont even show up in the census in 1870 for some reason. But what ever "slaves" were I'm sure they could have no possible connection to any North Carolinian whose family's lived there for generations........ 

But finally at long last, our winner of this month in stupid.

Actually no, I take that back, I know we are only 3 1/2 years into the decade, but I think I'm declaring this guy the winner of "This Decade in stupid"

Timothy Ray Murray is an Oklahoma Republican who got his ass kicked in the primary getting only 5.2% of the vote against the incumbent Rep. Frank Lucas

But here's the thing....according to Mr. Murray he actually won the election because, well I'll let Mr. Murray explain:

"The election for U.S. House for Oklahoma’s 3rd District will be contested by the Candidate, Timothy Ray Murray. I will be stating that his votes are switched with Rep. Lucas votes, because it is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike. Rep. Lucas’ look alike was depicted as sentenced on a white stage in southern Ukraine on or about Jan. 11, 2011.

This is a situation similar to the Senators’ from Kentucky situation in the 2012 election. I am contesting that this matter has happen since his election was blocked, because of the U.S. Defense Department’s use of Mr. Murray’s DNA. To my knowledge, the U.S. Defense Department has not released to the public that information, as it is their confidential information about many people. Congress is likely wanting me to state that all my DNA used will not result in benefits to people I have never had relations with of a family nature. I have been bound to protect that information unless it causes harm to The People.

The contest of election and or petition will be correctly filed with county election boards and with federal offices. I, Hon. Mr. Timothy Ray Murray, fully meet all Constitutional, Federal and Oklahoma requirements for election and for holding Office if the voters’ results show that is the case."

Yea, I cant even come up with words right now to address that level of stupid......