Yet another week in incredibly stupid

You know, one thing I have noticed, every time congress goes on vacation, the amount of stupid things I have to hear about every week skyrockets. Yet one more reason congress needs to take less recesses.

Anyways, we kick off this edition of this week in stupid, with a special honorable mention. It would have made the normal list, except that, in hindsight, it might be a poorly executed stroke of genius not stupidity.

See a Tea Party group named Faith2Action has come up with a new way to force the republicans to shut down the government in order to defund Obamacare. If the GOP refuses to shut it down, they will start calling the program “BoehnerCare.” based on the idea that “If he [Boehner] funds it, he will own it,” and that by naming it after him people will know who to blame for it.

Now of course, Obamacare isnt actually called Obamacare. It's real name is the  "Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act". The name Obamacare was created by the Tea Party so that people would know who to blame for the bill and it would help turn people against the bill.

And clearly that worked....*sarcasm*

BUT heres the reason this might not be as stupid as it seems. Consider how badly the initial rebranding as Obamacare backfired: the president embraced the name change and used it himself, EVERYONE started calling it that, even supporters of the law, and should the law be as successful as Democrats claim it will be, it will be intimatly associated with Obama in ways Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security never were with the presidents who passed them into law. Which means if the law is a success, Obama will likely be catapulted into the pantheon of all time great presidents for that one law alone.

A law, which again, started life in the 1990's as a right wing republican idea, which a "liberal" democratic president will be seen as a hero for. So maybe thats the real idea behind the “BoehnerCare” push, actually make sure the "correct party" or someone in it is seen as getting the credit, so it might be a great PR idea in the long haul.....if they could make it work.

Granted no matter what, they are going to have to convince people that the party that voted 40 plus times to repeal the law, is actually responsible for the law. No matter if “BoehnerCare” is a poorly concieved threat or a stealth way to take credit, its not gonna work and they are going to look ridiculous.

Staying on Obamacare we move to our first actual nominee Canada Cruz....err I mean Senator Ted Cruz:

So basically what Cruz's argument comes down to is "if the house will pass it Obama will sign it". Well not only does that totally dodge the question as to why ANY president would repeal his signature law, its also pretty fucking stupid.

I mean lets be honest, the house has voted 40+ times to repeal Obamacare, and nothings happened.....I guess Cruz is actually stupid enough to believe 50 times is the charm?  Also there is this whole other chamber called the Senate....you know the chamber that Cruz is a member of, that happens to be controlled by Democrats who also wouldnt pass bill to defund Obamacare. But I guess according to Cruz his own chamber is basically just for show and should have no roll in lawmaking.

On the flip side, I do give Cruz credit for at least admitted some (read most) of Obamacare is Mandatory Spending meaning the Budget Bill congress is working on wont affect it, nor would a government shut down...but he loses that credit given that his entire strategy/idea is premised on that very fact not being true.

So yea when you dont pay attention to your own stated facts, you become an nominee for stupidest person in the world.

Up next,  continuing our Obamacare theme, Former Republican Governor and presidential contender Mike Huckabee, who has his own alternative solution for Healthcare after Obamacare is repealed: Cure Cancer.

No seriously he said the government should do a massive Manhattan Project style thing to help find cures for caner and other diseases.

"The national commitment to curing diseases like cancer, Alzheimer’s, heart disease and diabetes has to be largely government funded because the government is the only entity that doesn’t have to have a return on investment, You put it in the hands of the private sector… [that] doesn’t make sense because here is no money long-term if you cure the disease."

Now look I'll be honest. I agree with everything Mike Huckabee is saying. But again remember the whole reason the Republicans want to repeal Obamacare, they object to a massive government take over of healthcare and ripping it out of the private sector. Now of course Obamacare doesnt do any of that. BUT what Huckabee just proposed is EXACTLY the thing he says is wrong with Obamacare. And apprently either doesnt realize it, or thinks you are too stupid to realize it.

Up next. we move away from healthcare, but get even stupider. Which means its time for Rep. Gary Miller of Califorina. Also wow, my second California Republican in two weeks. For a group believed to be extinct they are crazy.

Anyways, when discussing illegal immigration and dreamers two of Rep Miller's constituents tried to explain to him the difficulty they face finding jobs/having careers/lives because they are illegals and were brought here as children, and therefore feel like they cant be part of their country.

to which Rep Miller said:

"I understand the difficulty…I was born in Arkansas, I came here [to California] when I was a year old. Come on, I don’t know. There’s nothing to vote on. See, the [Senate] bill’s going nowhere in the House."

Now actually look, I understand Rep Miller's point and its a good one. I mean Arkansas is a completely different country than California, or at least it was briefly in 1861-1862. And can I just say for a guy who's 150 years old Rep Miller looks AMAZING!!!!!.

And of course they dont speak the same language either, so sadly Rep Miller will never be able to return to his homeland and actually speak the language. after all he grew up in California, and only knows how to speak Californian, not Arkansasan.

And the culture is totally different too. I mean they have nothing in common AT ALL.

  

Ok so maybe there is some truth to that last one :P ...... erhm, anyways most importantly we know anyone from Arkansas could never EVER EVER fully integrate or succeed in the American System

No idea who this guy is. He's from Arkansas though so cant be that important.

So yea, you can clearly see, being from Arkansas is totally like being from a different country....

Up next, our runner up, with what is shockingly only his 2nd ever nomination (mostly because it usually takes a full article to explain his bullshit, so he doesn't get included in "stupid") Rand Paul.

When discussing food stamps and why he is against them Rand Paul said this:

"I think we as physicians have an obligation. As Christians, we have an obligation. . . . I really believe that, and it's a deep-held belief, But I don't think you have a right to my labor, You don't have a right to anyone else's labor. Food's pretty important, do you have a right to the labor of the farmer? As humans, yeah, we do have an obligation to give people water, to give people food, to give people health care, But it's not a right because once you conscript people and say, 'Oh, it's a right,' then really you're in charge, it's servitude, you're in charge of me and I'm supposed to do whatever you tell me to do. . . . It really shouldn't be seen that way."

Now this raises a very interesting question, namely where the fuck is my gun?

No I dont mean I want to shoot Rand Paul, I mean it literally, where exactly is my gun. I looked in my closet its not there. Its not in my car, or my sock drawer or under my bed, I can't find it anywhere.

Now those who know me are probably saying right now "Dude you never bought a gun" and they are right. I have never once in my life EVER set foot in a gun store.

But that doesnt matter, I know my rights. The Second Amendment to the US Constitution, part of the Bill of RIGHTS says and I quote " [T]he RIGHT of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

Now since my having a gun is a RIGHT, then I've been conscripted and I have told you that you are in change and you have told me I WILL have a gun, and that I will be given this gun if I want it or not.

Yet I still dont have my gun. So where the fuck is my gun?

Now of course if you have a functional brain and no sense of irony you are probably yelling at your computer monitor (or cell phone) right now "THATS NOT HOW RIGHTS WORK! IT ONLY MEANS YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO DO IT" to which I say "Bingo!".

Yea see, a right means you have the right to do something or you know the right to choose NOT to do it. Which is a good thing, cause otherwise trying to balance your right to remain silent and your right to free speech would be in total conflict with each other. After all you cant be forced to shut up AND talk at the same time.

So having a right to food doesnt mean the government (or anyone else) is going to force feed you, it means the government (or some other group) is going to make sure its possible for you to get food.

And thats the other thing. Going back to my gun example, even if I wanted a gun I cant just walk into a place and say "Gun me" and get handed a gun. If I want a gun I have to go somewhere and purchase a gun. Having it be a right doesn't entitle me to have it for free.

So that poor concerned Farmer Rand Paul is worried about because He's loosing all his Labor for nothing because of my right to food?

Yea well, just like guns, turns out that guy would be getting something. It's called money. And heres the thing about Money. Money IS money, no matter what. If I buy my food from him with cash, that's money. If I use Credit Card, thats money too. And shockingly if I use food stamps...thats actually ALSO money. Its just money from another source (tax payer dollars).

So at the end of the day, the Farmer gets money for his Labor, no matter how the food is bought and who buys it. And of course, he also has the right to not sell his food in the first place.....just means more money goes to the Farmers who will sell.

So yea to sum up, lets add "basic understanding of rights" to the ever growing list of things Rand Paul doesnt understand.

And finally, our winner this week. Professional Religious Wackjob Pat Robinson.

Now look I was going to show you Pat Robinson's stupid comment, but I cant. Because he's company had the clip wiped from the archives and filed a copyright claim with most video posting websites.

That alone by the way should give you an idea of the epic level of stupidity you are about to encounter.

Luckily a few people, including Box Turtle Bulletin got a full transcript

Robinson had just been asked a question by a woman looking for guidance about AIDS. specifically a man she had been driving around between places for several weeks ago found out he had AIDS and hadnt told her. She got pissed because she figured if shed had an accident she might have gotten AIDS and she asked Robinson what to do. This is his reply, which actually to be fair, started off fine:

“I must confess, I don’t know all the ramifications of the infection of AIDS. I just to think it was trasmitted by saliva and another things and now they say it may be sexual contact. So, what you want to say is if you are driving with a man who’s got AIDS, don’t have sex with him. But that’s a little too simplistic. I don’t necessarily think you can get AIDS unless there’s a cut or some bodily fluid transmission I think you’re not going to catch it. But it’s a horrible thing and I don’t know what to say.

The laws now… the homosexual community has put these draconian laws on the books that prohibit people from discussing this particular affliction. You can tell somebody they’ve had a heart attack, you can tell somebody they’ve got high blood pressure, but you can’t tell anybody they’ve got AIDS.

So I’m going to say, you didn’t catch anything, keep going to church and praise the Lord. You got any thoughts on that one?”

Now I dont think its part of the secret gay agenda that you actually cant tell anyone they have AIDS, but other than that, that would have been a perfectly fine answer. But then his Co-host tried to anwser

Well, you know I think you were doing a good thing by transporting this man. I have known many people with AIDS and have never felt fearful of a scenario like this. I guess I think even if you have had a car accident …

At which point Robinson cut her off and added this:

You know what they do in San Francisco, some in the gay community there they want to get people so if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands, and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger? [...]I mean it’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder. But anyhow, for that one, you go back to your church, you’re fine.

So yea, Gay people carry rings around that secretly infect you with AIDS. I mean it didnt happen in your case so just go back to church, but generally those gay people are DANGEROUS AIDS ASSASSINS!!!!!!

Gay AIDS Ring!
And all I ever got as a kid was a decoder ring :(

Now of course after being criticized for being bat shit insane by pretty much everyone AND having his own company pull the clip off the internet to try to make it disappear forever Robinson sent out an email defending his comment

”In my own experience, our organization sponsored a meeting years ago in San Francisco where trained security officers warned me about shaking hands because, in those days, certain AIDS-infected activists were deliberately trying to infect people like me by virtue of rings which would cut fingers and transfer blood."

AIDS? THIS IS SPARTA (not really part of email)

“I regret that my remarks had been misunderstood, but this often happens because people do not listen to the context of remarks which are being said. In no wise (sic) were my remarks meant as an indictment of the homosexual community or, for that fact, to those infected with this dreadful disease.”

So yea, some random security guy told me about the AIDS ring so it must be true, random people dont lie. And I didnt mean to defend gays even if they all are AIDS ASSASSINS.

AIDS Ring, Deluxe edition, for when you absolutely must infect on the first try. 

So yea. For basically being stupid AND gullible and HOMOPHOBIC, Pat Robinson YOU are the stupidest person in the world for this week.

Your prize for winning? why a handshake of course.....