Basically as a rule, anyone who uses one of these to justify their opinion shouldnt count. They are too damn stupid to be taken even semi seriously.
First off a double header. Two bullshit justifications with the same problem
1) I need guns to protect myself from the government/the government is coming for my guns.
Hey dipshit, if the government wants to kill you....
....you're already dead.
Ever heard of a predator drone? what about the one that "malfunctioned" and landed on your house You can own any gun you want. Still dead. Or what about the M-1 Abrams? AKA the most advanced tank in history, functionally indestructible. You can double fist any two guns you want.....you aint making a damn dent in that. Just as two of an endless number of examples
Basically what I'm saying is at the end of the day your guns wouldnt do a damn thing if the government came to kill you. Which means they really have no reason to be interested in them.
2) Opposing abortion in the case of the life of the mother because your pro life.
Ironically enough, this one is most problematic if you accept its underlying premise, that life beings at conception and that abortion is murder.
See the whole thing about fetus' and embryo's is that basically they are parasitic. In that they can not live without the nutrients and oxygen they absorb from the host body.....AKA their mothers.
Which means if the mother dies.........they do too.
Which means two people die. As opposed to if you preform the abortion, the mother lives, the fetus doesnt, so only 1 person dies.
Now given that the supposed point of "pro life" is for fewer people to die......this is kinda awkward.
Its worse when you realize 2 things though. First, the person spewing this excuse doesnt understand the simple mathematical formula "1<2"; and Second, that mathematical fact is considered such a basic concept I couldnt find anything on the internet either teaching or mocking it.
3) "man look how unseasonly cold it is....guess that proves climate change is a hoax cause its not hot"
Yea, lets just think about this for a minute. You are saying "man its colder than it normally is" believing your disproving the point "the weather is changing"
So basically:
4) "gay marriage is a threat to my marriage"
Actually look to be fair, this one is actually completely logical in the following situation:
You secretly believe dick is delicious and that your missing out, and if we make it easier for you to get some delicious dick, AND give you the tax benefits your gonna leave your wife for it, because tax breaks was the only reason you tolerated putting in her in the first place.
Actually look to be fair, this one is actually completely logical in the following situation:
You secretly believe dick is delicious and that your missing out, and if we make it easier for you to get some delicious dick, AND give you the tax benefits your gonna leave your wife for it, because tax breaks was the only reason you tolerated putting in her in the first place.
Cause yea otherwise this makes no sense at all. I mean what about swingers? You dont seem to have an objection to them, nor do you object to bisexual people, presumably because at the end of the day to get tax breaks they have had to shackle themselves to pussy just like you.
And hell you may not be huge fans of premarital sex, but I've never seen anyone suggest that my getting laid (as a single guy) would break up their marriages. Probably because I'm not getting a tax break like you are. Even if I am entertaining more than one woman (or man) at a time.
So yea since you seem to only dole out the restrictions on "teh gayz" I have to assume you'ev either never thought about this (or anything really)...........................or that your just a bigot pissed off you cant pick on the blacks and jews anymore.
5) "I dont fill out the census because I dont want the government knowing information about my home/family"
Ok so you only hear this one every 10 years, but once a decade it becomes a commonly held belief
And one that might be valid.....if they didnt already KNOW the information they are asking you for.
I mean I realize mail service is becoming obsoletem but theirs a reason why the postman knows where to deliver what little mail you have........because the government knows where you live. And they know what your house looks like, since construction and remodeling permits have to be issued by the government. And hell they know everything about you, like say Social Security number.....since they are the ones who issued it too you
So your entire argument comes down to the government being too dysfunctional to check its own records, except that your also claiming they WOULD be able to check their own records of the census.....
Granted the only reason they ask you the questions in the first place is because they are too lazy and/or dysfunctional to check their own records.
However the part I never got was the magic exception to government dysfunctionality the Census Bureau gets, espesically as the information is gathered by temporary employees who wont work there in 3 months....in every other employer that would create MORE dysfunction not less.
6) "The president is driving up gas prices"
This is another one you hear frequently, but only at specific intervals, in this case any time a president is up for reelection.
Ok look I understand their are people who assume any president not of their party is an evil power hungry bastard.......but that's actually the problem here. If he's power hungry, he wants to stay in power.
So he's intentionally going to do something that would piss off a shit ton of people, and ensure people are less likely to vote for him to keep power?
How does this even make sense?
Ah, THATS how.......
7) "Abstinence only sex ed works" Or more specifically the thought process that leads to that belief.
Now this one is based on the bible.....which is a pretty good indicator of being justified by bullshit. But what makes this one unique is that the source material kinda calls bullshit on it itself.
Ok so the basic idea is behind this thought is that if you dont tell dudes they can stick their dicks in some chicks girls, neither they or the girl will figure out how do it. Therefore people wont have sex until marriage.
Which is kinda weird since I've been to a lot of weddings and i've never yet seen the priest or minister slip the couple a "how-to" book yet......yet somehow everyone seems to figure it out.
But then again the people who believe in Abstinence only sex education are also the ones who call sex "original sin"
Which gets us to the even bigger reason this is a total bullshit belief.
In the beginning God created Adam and Eve. And its worth noting that he created Eve expressly so Adam could have a "companion". And at least as originally intended Adam and Eve were supposed to live out their days in the Garden of Eden with no further instructions from God.
Now according to the story Eve bit the apple and that's when everything went south. After all God finds Adam hiding in the bushes ashamed of the fact he's naked.
Now heres where it gets interesting. Because see when Eve bit the apple, this is NOT what happened.
8) "guns dont kill people. people kill people"
So this excuse is pushed by the pro gun side of the gun control debate, and their point usually is, we dont need to regulate guns, because guns arnt inherently dangerous and have never, on their own killed anyone.
And technically I suppose they are right. I've never run into a pack of wild guns roaming the streets at night.
But now lets apply that logic elsewhere
You know what ELSE never killed anyone?
Ok so you only hear this one every 10 years, but once a decade it becomes a commonly held belief
And one that might be valid.....if they didnt already KNOW the information they are asking you for.
I mean I realize mail service is becoming obsoletem but theirs a reason why the postman knows where to deliver what little mail you have........because the government knows where you live. And they know what your house looks like, since construction and remodeling permits have to be issued by the government. And hell they know everything about you, like say Social Security number.....since they are the ones who issued it too you
So your entire argument comes down to the government being too dysfunctional to check its own records, except that your also claiming they WOULD be able to check their own records of the census.....
Granted the only reason they ask you the questions in the first place is because they are too lazy and/or dysfunctional to check their own records.
However the part I never got was the magic exception to government dysfunctionality the Census Bureau gets, espesically as the information is gathered by temporary employees who wont work there in 3 months....in every other employer that would create MORE dysfunction not less.
6) "The president is driving up gas prices"
This is another one you hear frequently, but only at specific intervals, in this case any time a president is up for reelection.
Ok look I understand their are people who assume any president not of their party is an evil power hungry bastard.......but that's actually the problem here. If he's power hungry, he wants to stay in power.
So he's intentionally going to do something that would piss off a shit ton of people, and ensure people are less likely to vote for him to keep power?
How does this even make sense?
Ah, THATS how.......
7) "Abstinence only sex ed works" Or more specifically the thought process that leads to that belief.
Now this one is based on the bible.....which is a pretty good indicator of being justified by bullshit. But what makes this one unique is that the source material kinda calls bullshit on it itself.
Ok so the basic idea is behind this thought is that if you dont tell dudes they can stick their dicks in some chicks girls, neither they or the girl will figure out how do it. Therefore people wont have sex until marriage.
Which is kinda weird since I've been to a lot of weddings and i've never yet seen the priest or minister slip the couple a "how-to" book yet......yet somehow everyone seems to figure it out.
But then again the people who believe in Abstinence only sex education are also the ones who call sex "original sin"
Which gets us to the even bigger reason this is a total bullshit belief.
In the beginning God created Adam and Eve. And its worth noting that he created Eve expressly so Adam could have a "companion". And at least as originally intended Adam and Eve were supposed to live out their days in the Garden of Eden with no further instructions from God.
Now according to the story Eve bit the apple and that's when everything went south. After all God finds Adam hiding in the bushes ashamed of the fact he's naked.
Now heres where it gets interesting. Because see when Eve bit the apple, this is NOT what happened.
Its' not what happened....because Adam was ALREADY naked, despite the fact that it appears nakedness is immoral. So biting the apple didnt cause "immorality" just humanity thinking such a thing existed.
At this point its worth pointing out that Adam and Eve both appear to have been created with fully functioning sex organs too. So it follows God was fully intending them to fuck each others brains out. Apparently without couching or education of any kind.
What I'm getting at is, according to the bible of the people who believe in abstinence only education, humanity came pre-programmed to fuck, and trying to stop that/assuming its bad is actually a symptom of the apple Eve ate that fucked us all over.......you know the mistake we are supposed to be avoiding making to get back into Eden......OOPS
At this point its worth pointing out that Adam and Eve both appear to have been created with fully functioning sex organs too. So it follows God was fully intending them to fuck each others brains out. Apparently without couching or education of any kind.
What I'm getting at is, according to the bible of the people who believe in abstinence only education, humanity came pre-programmed to fuck, and trying to stop that/assuming its bad is actually a symptom of the apple Eve ate that fucked us all over.......you know the mistake we are supposed to be avoiding making to get back into Eden......OOPS
So this excuse is pushed by the pro gun side of the gun control debate, and their point usually is, we dont need to regulate guns, because guns arnt inherently dangerous and have never, on their own killed anyone.
And technically I suppose they are right. I've never run into a pack of wild guns roaming the streets at night.
But now lets apply that logic elsewhere
You know what ELSE never killed anyone?
For those who dont recognize it, that is auschwitz birkenau, the worlds most infamous concentration camp.
But here's the thing.....Auschwitz never killed anybody.
And calm down I'm not denying the Holocaust or the over a Million people who died at Auschwitz.
But the thing is, all those people were killed by Nazi's.......Auschwitz just happened to be there, minding its own damn business.
Auschwitz never gassed starved, or even locked up a single person on its own. That was all PEOPLE.
Which raises an interesting question. Why did it go out of fashion to build prisons with crematoriums and gas chambers on site? Its clearly not dangerous or indicitive of anything, or even designed for anything. They would be totally harmless, because like Auschwitz they would never kill anyone on their own.
So hell anyone who wants one should be able to build one right?
Now show of hands, how many people would think I was crazy and needed to be locked up and/or institutionalized if I actually made it for real?
If your hand is up, which I assume is ALL of you, I rest my case.
9) "I dont vote because I dont like any of the candidate"
Yea, see heres the thing. YOURE WHATS FUCKING WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!
Apparently if someones not a 100% match with you you dont want anything to do with them.
So with that in mind, could you PLEASE let me in on your dating secret? I assume you and your significant other have never had a fight, arguement, misunderstanding, or difference of opinion. And heck I cant say that about the exes I think most highly off. Hell I cant even say that about my wife, and I havnt even met her yet,
So apparently you can compromise your beliefs to find the person you want to fuck.....just not the person you want running things while your off fucking.
And even if you really do hate the candidate options, they still disagree with each other
For example:
Candidate 1 is promising to sodomize you if they win.
Candidate 2 is promising to sodomize you with this:
Now in this instance you would vote for Candidate 1. Not because you want to be sodomized but because if your going to be sodomized you'd rather not deal with the barbed wire.
Because hey, even if they cant have the perfect candidate, wouldnt you want the one who's position is closer to what you believe in and not farther away?
Or even hell, go vote for Candidate 3. He has no chance of winning, but at least he's anti sodomy.
I get it. People who dont vote think they are pulling a James T. Kirk on the Kobayashi Maru and by not playing the game, they win. But here's the thing people dont get. It's not important to a politician that you support him.....its important that you dont oppose him.
If 90% of the population opposes a politician, but 85% doesnt vote, he's likely going to win with 2/3rds of the vote.....even though thats only 10% of the population (the 10% who supported him originally) Which means that politician will never bother to change his position, or never be removed from office because he keeps winning in landslides, all because 85% of the population couldnt be bothered to oppose him by voting for someone else they disagree with less.
Hell even if the politican still won, if the other-side but up a close fight, he's going to moderate his position, so that next time, less people will oppose him, and hopefully he wins by a more comfortable margin.
So yea, you really dont have an excuse. Go vote. Unless you truly can not see any difference in the candidate, in which case your either mentally incompetent, or Mommy and Daddy need to pay closer attention to what your looking at on-line, your too young to be reading my blog.
So yea there you have it, the top 10 most bullshit political justifications. (And if your wondering where #10is, remember #1 was a two-for-one. Or you can consider the previous sentence bullshit justification #10)
But here's the thing.....Auschwitz never killed anybody.
And calm down I'm not denying the Holocaust or the over a Million people who died at Auschwitz.
But the thing is, all those people were killed by Nazi's.......Auschwitz just happened to be there, minding its own damn business.
Auschwitz never gassed starved, or even locked up a single person on its own. That was all PEOPLE.
Which raises an interesting question. Why did it go out of fashion to build prisons with crematoriums and gas chambers on site? Its clearly not dangerous or indicitive of anything, or even designed for anything. They would be totally harmless, because like Auschwitz they would never kill anyone on their own.
So hell anyone who wants one should be able to build one right?
Now show of hands, how many people would think I was crazy and needed to be locked up and/or institutionalized if I actually made it for real?
If your hand is up, which I assume is ALL of you, I rest my case.
9) "I dont vote because I dont like any of the candidate"
Yea, see heres the thing. YOURE WHATS FUCKING WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!
Apparently if someones not a 100% match with you you dont want anything to do with them.
So with that in mind, could you PLEASE let me in on your dating secret? I assume you and your significant other have never had a fight, arguement, misunderstanding, or difference of opinion. And heck I cant say that about the exes I think most highly off. Hell I cant even say that about my wife, and I havnt even met her yet,
So apparently you can compromise your beliefs to find the person you want to fuck.....just not the person you want running things while your off fucking.
And even if you really do hate the candidate options, they still disagree with each other
For example:
Candidate 1 is promising to sodomize you if they win.
Candidate 2 is promising to sodomize you with this:
Now in this instance you would vote for Candidate 1. Not because you want to be sodomized but because if your going to be sodomized you'd rather not deal with the barbed wire.
Because hey, even if they cant have the perfect candidate, wouldnt you want the one who's position is closer to what you believe in and not farther away?
Or even hell, go vote for Candidate 3. He has no chance of winning, but at least he's anti sodomy.
I get it. People who dont vote think they are pulling a James T. Kirk on the Kobayashi Maru and by not playing the game, they win. But here's the thing people dont get. It's not important to a politician that you support him.....its important that you dont oppose him.
If 90% of the population opposes a politician, but 85% doesnt vote, he's likely going to win with 2/3rds of the vote.....even though thats only 10% of the population (the 10% who supported him originally) Which means that politician will never bother to change his position, or never be removed from office because he keeps winning in landslides, all because 85% of the population couldnt be bothered to oppose him by voting for someone else they disagree with less.
Hell even if the politican still won, if the other-side but up a close fight, he's going to moderate his position, so that next time, less people will oppose him, and hopefully he wins by a more comfortable margin.
So yea, you really dont have an excuse. Go vote. Unless you truly can not see any difference in the candidate, in which case your either mentally incompetent, or Mommy and Daddy need to pay closer attention to what your looking at on-line, your too young to be reading my blog.
So yea there you have it, the top 10 most bullshit political justifications. (And if your wondering where #10is, remember #1 was a two-for-one. Or you can consider the previous sentence bullshit justification #10)
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