May-be a Dumbass Awards.

And its time once again to start handing out the awards for stupidity above and beyond the norm.

We start this time with the
"I need to get this shit out of my basement" Dumbass award
This award goes to Former Republican Presidential Nominee/the first guy to drop out, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.

See Scott Walker has a problem....it turns out running for president is EXPENSIVE.

Of course this shouldnt be a problem for Gov Walker, as like most republicans he likes to brag about how good his was at balancing his states budget, and how hes a freaking genius at staying out of debt ect.

Except, like all conservatives.....hes lying. His campaign is broke as fuck cause it turns out he has NO IDEA how to budget.....in fact they are so broke they are in massive massive massive debt.

But dont worry, Gov Walker has a plan to get out of this debt:

If you give him $45 dollars, he is willing to send you a Scott Walker for President T-shirt.

Thats right for a mere $45 dollars you can get something to show your support for a guy who already lost the race and wont be president. Maybe he's hoping to appeal to the "ironic" hipster market?

BUT WAIT THERES MORE.....it also gives you a chance to show how rich you are, as a t-shirt for one of the 3 candidates still in the race would only cost you $30.

BUT WAIT THERES EVEN MORE.....Scott Walker has also combined this with a lottery system....see he's only got a limited supply of these things left, so when you donate you'll be sent one at random.....you dont get to pick the color or the size.

So you might wind up paying $45 dollars to get a shirt supporting a loser that you cant even wear.....thought maybe if you get one of the larger sizes you can at least use it as a blanket? And I hope you like chartreuse cause its what you got for color....

I'll be honest, the ONLY people I could see having any actual interest in this are scott walker supporters......except 1) they dont exist (hence why he was the first to drop out) and 2) They probably already HAVE t-shirts, that they likely paid less than $45 for, and that fit. So I dont think they'd have interest in paying more for another that doesnt fit.

Next up, we give out our first ever:
Utter Moron Award*
*please note the "utter moron" award is a separate award from the regular dumbass award, but totally equal in value and meaning

The winner of this equally prestigious award FOX News' Greta Van Susteren for her reaction to Harriet Tubman replacing the Genocidal Andrew Jackson, who also destroyed the US economy for decades on the $20.

“Give Tubman her own bill. Like a $25 bill. We could use a $25 bill. Put her picture on that and we could all celebrate. That’s the smart and easy thing to do. But no, some people don’t think and would gratuitously stir up conflict in the nation. That is so awful, and yes, dumb.”

 Now if you cant tell.....I actually agree with Mrs. Van Susteren. This is the reason I went though all the trouble of creating a separate but equal award for her. I didnt want to stir up conflict by kicking one of the MEN off my regular dumbass awards. I'm sure she'd understand.

Unfortunately though, Mrs. Van Susteren couldnt be here to night to accept her award. Mostly because this is the "Dumb Ass" award presentation....the Utter Moron award will get its own ceremony later tonight....after primetime.....and on CSPAN.

Next up, we have the:
"Oh Sweet Jesus" Dumbass award

This award is awarded to St. Thomas High School in Texas, AND to the parents of one of there students

Ok so, the parents of a student at St. Thomas asked his teacher to call them on a given night and discuss his grades.

The teacher apparently refused telling the student  he would be“too busy preparing for a romantic night with his wife to celebrate their wedding anniversary.”

So the parents then pressed sexual harassment charges against the teacher. Because apparently High Schoolers are too young and innocent to know people get married. Also that they celebrate marriages and that these celebrations are supposed to be highly romantic, and usually involve a whole evening of things like dinner or dancing.....

The school then responded by expelling the Student, due to a clause in their handbook that says students can be disiplined for “actions by a parent/guardian or other person responsible for the student which upbraids, insults, threatens or abuses any teacher, administrator, coach or staff member of the school.”

So because each side has to outdo the other in insane overreaction the parents sued.

The School then replied by calming "religious liberty" specifically that the law prohibits a religious institution from accepting a member they dont want, and allows them to kick out anyone they want (which is roughly a fair interpretation of the law as it relates to churches), therefore the parents had no case cause the contract was invalid.

Basically meaning the schools argument is it doesnt matter what their own contract that they wrote says, if it goes against their own beliefs.......

So yea, apparently "you cant sue us because we are hypocrites in our own contracts" is now a legal defense......


Next up, another religious award the
"Demonic Orgasm" Dumbass award

Honestly the name of this one tells you pretty much everything you need to know. There's a christian author named Mack Major who runs a website called Eden Decoded (which is supposed to show Christians how to live moral lives) and he recently posted this

"Too many Christian women are losing their salvation because they masturbate. Dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals. It's one of the main ways ancient pagan societies worshiped their demonic gods.

Masturbation is a direct path to Satan. There's nothing normal about it. And shame on any Christian that says so"


This is a passage from one of his books that goes on to say

“Many of you who are reading this have sex toys in your possession right now. And whether you want to accept it as fact or not: those sex toys are an open portal between the demonic realm and your own life. As long as you have those sex toys in your home, you have a doorway that can allow demons to not only access your life at will, but also to torment you, hinder and destroy certain parts of your life as it relates to sex and your relationships.

There are such things as sex demons. And the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating. And once that demon attaches, it is difficult to get it to leave. It will drive you to masturbate, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be hit with urges to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm will allow you some temporary relief.”

On the one hand, I agree with him Sex Demons are real.....many of my ex'es claim to know one O:) O:)

On the other hand, SERIOUSLY DUDE? And why just FEMALE masturbation? I'm just saying if things that look like dicks are demonic gateways, than youd think spanking the monkey would be a MAJOR ISSUE. Unless you know, you just really like touching yourself......though that would seem to suggest your possessed by a sex demon....

And dude, I dont know if you know this....god's not a huge fan of male masturbation, at least thats what I learned from the Rev. Monty Python

Next up we wrap up our Holy Trinity of Dumbassery with the 

"God is Great" Dumbass Award.

Alright, first for those who dont get the joke, "God is Great" is the literal translation of allahu akbar (a harmless phrase uttered by all Muslims for obvious reasons once you know what it means)....that thing that right wing christians would have you believe only terrorist Muslims scream really loudly anytime they want to kill something because it justifies the murders

So I assume therefore, Ken Hamm, the creationist behind the Noah's ark is screaming that from the highest mountain.

See people on twitter pointed out that Noah's Ark is a story about genocide (given that everyone but Noah on the planet is killed) committed by God. [some of] Mr. Hamm's replies are 

Secularists emphasize God's judgment at the Flood of Noah's day but ignore man's wickedness and why a righteous God had every right to judge

Secularists accuse God of being immoral as He judged at the Flood but ignore the fact they've no absolute basis to make any moral judgment

Death, suffering and disease are not God's fault, they're our fault because we sinned against a Holy God who is the righteous God

For evolutionists, death & suffering & disease is normal—for Christians death is an enemy, an intrusion because of our sin

Secularists need to ask themselves why are they going to die, instead of trying to blame God for death--they need to look at our sin

Secularists single out those at Noah's time God judged with death-they need to remember ALL,including them, will die because all are sinners

Given that he point of all of these is "sometimes in the name of god people need to get killed and mass murder is then moral cause reasons" I assume the only reason he didnt end all of these with "God is Great" was due to the character limit.

And now the:
"XXX Dumbass Award"
This one goes to Utah state Rep Todd Weiler who said
“Because someone may have the First Amendment right, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, to view pornography, but what about my First Amendment right to not view it?”
he also said "internet violates a person’s First Amendment rights” because it “forces pornography on people who don’t want to view it”."

And to be fair I think Mr. Weiler is on to something here. I cant count the number of times I've sat down at a computer and meant to type "directions to church" and wound up typing "interracial bisexual midget bondage gangbang porn ".  The really odd part is, my Google Safesearch feature is on.....so clearly that was forced on me against my will......

So yea I guess we do need to ban the internet cause it has porn.....its clearly easier than not searching for porn.....

Finally we end with the
"Whats Jail?" Dumbass award

This one goes to Ryan Bundy....AKA the brother of Ammon Bundy, the leader of the Oregon Milita back in january of this year (and both therefore the sons of Cliven Bundy the rancher who had a standoff with the US government last year).

Now like his brother, Ryan was part of the armed insurrection against the Federal Government and occupation of US land. And like his brother, Ryan Bundy is now in jail....and this doesnt sit well with him it seems, cause jail keeps violating his rights. Heres the statement he submitted making his case

'“My rights are being violated. My right to life is being violated. All of my First Amendment rights are being violated. My right to freedom of religion is being violated. I cannot participate in religious activities and temple covenants, and wear religious garments. I could wear them at Henderson, but MCDC is depriving me of the right to wear them. "

Now in all fairness to Ryan Bundy....here he actually has a point assuming this is true. This IS a problem and one they need to fix......and had he stopped here, he'd have been fine. But in true Bundy fashion he had to take the express train to crazy town.

My right to freedom of speech is being hampered by monitoring and recording. My right to freedom of assembly is being violated; I am not allowed to see my brother and move about. Yesterday, I attempted to discuss these issues with the U.S. Marshals, and they said that these were simply the jail rules. I asked them specifically about if there was any reason for the ‘keep separate’ orders. In Henderson, my brothers and father were housed together. Up here, they make efforts to keep us separate. This violates my right to freedom of assembly. 

Um yes...this is generally the point of jail. Your not really allowed to leave....thats kinda what the bars are for. 

My Second Amendment rights are being violated. I never waived that right. 

How fucking detached from reality do you have to be for this one?  A dude in prison for armed insurrection and death threats against federal officials cant figure out why they dont want to give him a gun?

 Even as crazy and evil as the NRA is, and their perverse desire to arm everyone over the age of 2 with multiple guns doesnt want to arm people CURRENTLY IN JAIL. Because even they understand why thats a bad idea. 

My Fourth Amendment rights are being violated of freedom from search and seizure without effects. They routinely look through my documents and papers without a warrant. 

Yep...again, this is how jail works....plus they do have a warrant....they used it to arrest you. if you dont like it, maybe you shouldnt have committed an armed rebellion against the government. 

My Sixth Amendment rights are being denied. I cannot meet with other counsel in this case without extreme difficulty. I cannot have effective assistance of counsel. 

Ok, in fairness again this one could be a valid point....though as his counsel is the one who released this statement for him that does appear to undercut the point just a bit. 

When I say my rights are being violated, I want the Court to know that all of my rights are being violated; every last one of them. I could argue that my right to life hasn’t been taken. But the FBI tried to take that right when they attempted to kill me. They missed on that one. I still have the bullet to prove that. 

Yes they shot you because you took your guns to Oregon and threatened to shoot anyone who tried to stop you. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?

This moron is literally claiming "Dur I was walking around with my gun threatening to kill people...and then for no reason i got shot in the arm...but I dont know why, I didnt do nothing"

Though to be fair, he wasnt walking around at the time he was shot....he was fleeing police in a car while still armed.

The only logical explanation I can come up with for this is that Ryan Bundy is going to try for a "not guilty by reason of mental incompetence" defense, citing the fact he is too damn stupid to understand the concept of jail as proof he clearly cant understand other complex things like crimes, and the results of his own actions.

Anyways, until next time these are the dumbest people in the country.....and the scariest part is, this time around, all the "winners" but 2 arnt elected officials....they are regular people. Regular people really are this stupid.

WMATA: Liar Liar, Trains on fire.

So anyone who lives in the DC metro area probably remembers mid march when the Metro was closed for an entire day, following a serious fire at the McPherson Square Station, the second in less than a year, following a fire at L'Enfant Plaza that had killed someone in july of 2015.

Now supposedly the shut down was to allow Metro to identify and replace the insulators that were causing these fires.

So it was kinda awkward when about a week later, Clarendon station caught on fire.

So metro announced they were going to come up with a plan to shut down a "single line" of metro for up to 6 months.

Which doesnt sound that bad.....until you look at a metro map.

As you can see.....most of those lines share most of their track.......there is no way to just shut "one" down.

So metro backed off and instead decided to come up with a different plan....one where they would increase the work done on weekends and overnights and during mid day.

And then, Tenleytown on the red line kinda blew up.....as did Federal Center SW (AFTER it caught fire that same day) (not to mention a half dozen other issues of smoke in that span of time).

So Metro decided to kick it up into emergency mode and quickly announced a massive series of roving shut downs that will last up to a year.

Here is the list (taken from greatergreaterwashington.org)

When	Where	Color(s)	What
June 4-19	Franconia to Van Dorn	Blue	Single-tracking
June 20-July 3	Greenbelt to College Park	Green	Single-tracking
July 5 @ 10 pm - July 12	Nat'l Airport to Braddock Road	Blue/Yellow	Full shutdown
July 12-19	Nat'l Airport to Pentagon City	Blue/Yellow	Full shutdown
July 20-31	Greenbelt to College Park	Green	Single-tracking
August 1-8	Takoma to Silver Spring	Red	Single-tracking
August 9-19	Shady Grove to Twinbrook	Red	Single-tracking
Aug. 20-Sept. 6	Eastern Market to Minnesota Ave/Benning Rd	Yl/Or/Bl	Full shutdown
Sept. 9-Oct. 21	Vienna to West Falls Church	Orange	Single-tracking
Oct. 9-Nov. 2	NoMa to Fort Totten	Red	Full shutdown
November 2-12	W. Falls Ch. to E. Falls Ch.	Orange	Single-tracking
Nov. 12-Dec. 5	East Falls Church to Ballston	Orange/Silver	Single-tracking
December 6-24	Pentagon to Rosslyn	Blue	Full shutdown
Jan. 2-March 7	Friendship Heights to Medical Center	Red	Single-tracking after 8 pm
March 6-14	W. Falls Ch. to E. Falls Ch.	Orange	Single-tracking
April 16-May 8	Braddock Road to Huntington/Van Dorn St.	Blue/Yellow	Single-tracking

And this is where things kinda get a little weird.

You notice what stations ARNT included? The ones that keep catching on fire. Now sure, maybe you say they fixed those.

Fair enough....but heres Metro's own map of what stations were most likely going to have issues after the initial shut down in March:

Notice that with one exception (Stadium Armory), none of those stations are on the long term repair list.....including the area between L'Enfant and Federal Center SW, which is responsible for 3 of the 6 fires and explosions I mentioned.

Now Metro's defense for this when called on it was that what they were repairing for here was not the fires (despite 2+ an explosion)...but the old worn out wooden rail ties on the oldest parts of the above ground tracks. 

Which is why, despite all the fires (even the half dozen or so I didnt mention) being underground, the repair map looks something like this:

Despite the underground section of the system looking something like this

Cause I guess the fires arnt that big a deal right?

Problem is though....even using the rail tie thing it doesnt really work. Look at the first two sections they are working on, those stations were all opened in the mid 90's. Old yes....oldest part of the lines? not really, except for the silver line the are the newest parts. But ok to be fair, they do eventually move on to some older parts (like dunn loring and Vienna)

By the way, there is something else worth noting here......theres not much service as it stands on that green line section they've singled out as it stands......because its been closed on and off for weeks for rail testing of the brand new series 7000 rail car.

You'd think they could have done the repairs at the same time right?

Well maybe....unless the cars are the problem.

According to what information I can find, the new series 7000 cars weight significantly more than the previous generations......enough to cause problems with the weights of the trains breaking the wooden rail ties of above ground stations.

Now while the series 7000 has been plagued by problems and issues.....this doesn't appear to be one of them....they are as advertised in this category.

Now its likely that only SOME rails are at risk. This might explain why Metro has set aside 7 days to replace the rails between the national airport and braddock road station a distance of roughly 4 miles, but require 2 separate repairs totaling 23 days to make a similar length repair (5 miles) between College park and Greenbelt.

Still even if this is true....it has nothing to do with preventing fire.

It also begs the question of what the hell is going on at the two Falls Church stations....they are also being shut down for a total of 24 days between 2 repairs.....except that, those rails were just replaced about 4 years ago to make room for the silver line.  And those stations are only about 2 miles apart.....so thats a lot of work for a very short, very new distance of track. Oddly by the way, the new part of the silver line itself is fine and its tracks wont be affected according to metro.....its tracks that were done at the very same time as the bits between the falls church stations.

Have to be honest...at this point those 2 repairs are looking less like replacing aged parts....and more like a cover up for incompetent and mistakes made while creating the silver line.

Also, as a possibly related note, anyone else find it odd that as soon as ANYTHING breaks on the shared orange/blue/silver line part of the track, or on weekends and non rush hours metro pulls Silver line service back to East Falls Church or Ballston? This includes when Orange and Blue lines are still running full service?

And thats something they dont do with any other line....but you know I'm sure if they had made some kind of mistake they would just tell us right? (just like how they didnt actually have enough trains to run the silver line, so adding the silver line reduced service across the other lines....which they tried to compensate for by basically eliminating the blue line as much as they could)

By the way, it doesnt look like I'm the only one who might be a little suspicious of metro's motivations.

This morning the FTA (which was granted oversight of metro last year) ordered metro to begin a "safety stand down" to actually address the problems of the fires.

As part of this order, the FTA has decided that fault for much of the chaos at the Tenlytown and Federal Center fires rested with metro employees not actually being trained properly and the  Rail Operations Control Center for the entire system being disorganized, poorly trained and basically incompetent.

So they are now all ordered to be retrained to FTA standards by may 16th.

However the order contained some additional information as well....specifically "To cut the risk of track fires, federal officials are recommending Metro run shorter trains (6-car instead of 8-car) at slower speeds to put less stress on its track power system."

Now this actually probably WILL fix the system, albeit prehaps not in the way the FTA has in mind.

So in addition to being heavier, several places state the series 7000 cars actually use more power than the previous models....in other words they are overtaxing the electrical system.  

Now if your starting to think that it looks like Metro bought rail cars that their system wasnt designed for (based on weight and electrical usage)....well lets just say I cant prove you wrong.

There is one other design aspect of the Series 7000 trains that is worth mentioning that their coupling system is kinda unique as specific couplings can only connect to that same coupling.

Now the key take away here though is that only the cars marked "A" have a cab in them.....meaning only they can be used to drive the train.

And there is no possible 6 car configuration that can have an "A" car at either end...it has to be either 4 or 8. (it should be noted that apparently the "+" between B and the ones between A are not interchangeable with each other)

Meaning that, as long as the FTA mandate is in place....and followed, the 7000 series trains cant run...and theres evidence to suggest (based on weight/power usage) they are what is causing the fires (which it should be mentioned only started happening on a regular basis once the 7000's were phased in)

So Problem solved in that case.

Kinda, I mean the older cars do also have safety issues (see the red line crash) so its not perfect and metro still needs work....to be fair theyve been working on repairs since long before the 7000's showed up......but it would fix the fire problems.

Now lastly it should be noted that, if you go to metro's website right now (530pm 5/7/16) you will find absolutely zero information relating to the FTA orders.....it appears despite the immediately effective nature of the order, Metro seems to not be complying....or at least not informing their riders about it if they plan to comply (as its a weekend its not likely youd see any difference if they were or wernt complying until monday)

Because hey, who needs safety and informed riders....we have a series of construction, expansion, and rail car purchase mistakes to cover up.,...and luckily these fires give us a nice smokescreen (pun intended) to do, while getting the public to think we are doing a good job.