This week in FAIL

FAIL: Verb; to fall short of success or achievement in something expected,attempted, desired, or approved:

And this weeks first example is.....Laura Ingraham.

It all started when Mrs. Ingraham sent a newsletter to her subscribers that said this "The good news is that President Obama decided to sit down and discuss the Fiscal Cliff yesterday. The bad news is he didn't sit down with Republicans; he sat down with MSNBC hosts. Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Lawrence O'Donnell, and Ed Schultz all stopped by the White House to discuss the President's fiscal cliff proposal. Can anyone even imagine how the press would have reacted if Fox News hosts and conservative personalities had stopped by the Bush White House to discuss policy? They would have been rightly outraged. Given MSNBC's history of blatantly promoting the DNC's talking points and spewing left-wing talking points, maybe its [sic] time they just become Obama's official mouthpiece."

And actually I gotta be honest, I kinda agree with her here. I mean the idea that the President of the United States feels the need to brief political commentators on his policy agenda is kinda ridiculous. He should honestly have much better things to do with his time. I mean its not like political commentators are supposed to be straight news people, they are paid specifically to have and give an opinion. So really if the President wants the facts out there, met with the straight news anchors if he feels the need to meet with anyone. Dont basically engage in what appears to be a transparent attempt to get the opinion makers on your side to sell your argument  Its not your roll or theirs.

So with that in mind, why does this end up as a fail? because of this little bit right here "Can anyone even imagine how the press would have reacted if Fox News hosts and conservative personalities had stopped by the Bush White House to discuss policy?"

Oddly I imagine it would look a little something like this:

Now I'm sure everyone recognizes the man in the chair, thats president Bush. The man to his left is FOX News / Conservative radio host Host Sean Hannity. The man next to Hannity is Fox News Commentator and Conservative radio host Michael Medved. The two men across from them are Fox News Contributor/ Conservative radio host Mike Gallagher, and Conservative radio host Neal Boortz.

Now you may have noticed I left somebody out. The blonde woman to President Bush's right. That's Laura Ingraham. Remember her? 

And what were all those Fox News people doing there? well quoting the New York Times article that accompanied that picture 

"For an hour and a half, Mr. Bush discussed his case for the war in Iraq, his immigration proposals and even the personality of his Scottish terrier Barney, who scratched on the door during the session until the president relented and let him into the office, according to several hosts who attended.

The meeting, which was not announced on the president’s public schedule, was part of an intensive Republican Party campaign to reclaim and re-energize a crucial army of supporters that is not as likely to walk in lockstep with the White House as it has in the past."

In otherwords they were at the "Bush White House to discuss policy". But lets be fair, I'm sure all of those people were, as Mrs. Ingraham put it, "rightly outraged" right?

Not so much actually. According to Mr. Gallagher "This was clearly, clearly an effort to kind of rally the troops when the troops need rallying, They know that we’ve got an audience of people who may or may not be on the political fence right now.” who also added that ALL the hosts there including Mrs. Ingraham talked about the meeting on their shows "for days and days and days.”

Sean Hannity said of his feelings on Bush following the meeting “I think he’d have an 80 percent approval rating if he could bring people into the Oval Office six people at a time and explain it all to them.”

So clearly this was an excited and big deal for the people involved. And while I stand by my earlier comments, I do understand how having the President to yourself for 90 minutes would be freaking awesome.....even if you cant remember it a few years later. 

to sum up; wondering how the media would cover it, if right wingers did the same thing, WHILE being one of the right wingers who ALREADY did do it, and not realizing it and/or lying to gin up a fake story but getting caught....FAIL.

And that brings up to example two: Wisconsin governor Scott Walker.

After the presidential election Governor Walker immediately set about making it harder to vote in 2016, because clearly the system didnt work in 2012 (and by didnt work, he means the democrat won the state of Wisconsin in the election) . And his excuse was he was doing it for the benifit of the poor poll workers, you see:

"States across the country that have same-day registration have real problems because the vast majority of their states have poll workers who are wonderful volunteers, who work 13-hour days and who in most cases are retirees, It's difficult for them to handle the volume of people who come at the last minute. It'd be much better if registration was done in advance of election day. It'd be easier for our clerks to handle that. All that needs to be done."

Now to be fair, push back from those same poll workers and clerks, claiming getting rid of same day voter registration would actually make there jobs harder, got the governor to do the full "run back" getting him to claim later that "This is a ridiculous issue. My priority is about jobs, creating jobs." But running away from the issue is NOT what got him into "this week in fail". No that actually has something to do with one of the thousands of people who availed themselves of same day voter registration in the last election.......Matt D. Walker, a freshman at Marquette University. And no thats not a coincidence that the last name is the same as the Governor, Matt is his son.

But look I get it fathers and sons can have different opinions right? Well see you know who took Matt to get registered on election day? his dad.

Yea thats right, his father took him to get registered on election day. What about the poor overworked poll workers Gov? What about making their job's easier? I guess thats only really an issue when it gives you an excuse to make it harder to vote next time.....FAIL.

Santa Claus is coming to town: RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!

So we all know the famous lyrics:

"You better watch out You better not cry 

You better not pout 

I'm telling you why 

Santa Claus is coming to town 

Santa Claus is coming to town 

Santa Claus is coming to town 

He's making a list, 

Checking it twice; 

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice. 

Santa Claus is coming to town

Santa Claus is coming to town 

Santa Claus is coming to town 

He sees you when you're sleeping 

He knows when you're awake 

He knows if you've been bad or good 

So be good for goodness sake" 

But here what you dont know, it not a silly story, or an incentive for children to behave it's a god damn threat. And I dont just mean Coal in the stocking either. I mean an actual beg for your damn life threat.

See heres the truth about Santa, He's a giant asshole. That whole "Jolly Ole Saint Nick" thing? thats some high class bullshit, put out by the insanely good lobbyists Santa hired in this country. BUT here's the truth about Saint Nicky, in most of the world he doesnt come alone. He has a whole slew of companions with him and he's basically the Godfather.

Take for example Knecht Ruprecht, or in English, Farmhand Rupert. AKA this guy:

And while you cant see it in that picture he's carrying bags of ash as well as that big stick. And every Christmas Eve he knocks on the door of every child, and asks them to do something for him, it could be sing him a song, it could be a dance, it could be pray, what have you. IF the children perform to his expectations, they get presents from Santa, YAY everyone's happy right? WRONG.

Lets say you dont measure up to Ruperts standards, well instead of a present he takes that stick and that bag of ash and BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU with it. You better watch out indeed. And Santa just lets it happen....I mean after all you did fail to impress the cranky old abusive man so fuck you right?

And see here's the thing, Rupert isnt Santa's only friend. He's also friends with this lovely fellow (and I dont mean the poor child on the toy horse):

Thats Krampus. He's a Demon. Just think about that for a second. Santa Claus' buddy is a honest to god devil! And you see those sticks in his hand? Want to take a wild guess what those are used for? 

Yep....more child abuse. Seriously who the fuck thought it was a good idea to let Santa near our children? I'm just saying......

Oh but Krampus doesnt stop there. See unlike Rupert he doesnt beat you cause you didnt impress him, he just smacks anyone in his way. His job is actually to handle the bad children. Think of him as the Anti-Claus so to speak. Like you know how Santa shows up, and takes something out of his sack and leaves it as a gift for the good children? Well Krampus here takes the bad children STUFF'S THEM IN HIS SACK and leaves!

Yea thats right, Kidnapping.  Or as the song puts it "He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake". By the way, anyone want to take a wild guess as to where Santa's elfs come from? As far as I know its not confirmed yet, but you gotta do something with those kidnapped children, and really once you've done child abuse and child abduction, child labor isnt that much of a stretch....and it would explain why elf's are usually kid size.......

Now as you might remember I did say before that Santa was kinda the Godfather, but its not just because he has henchmen to do his child beating for him. See any good Mafia Don doesnt just show up and kick your ass....they send you a warning. And thats where this guy comes in:

That homeless looking dude is Belsnickel. He's basically Santa's messenger. See he shows up at the houses of naughty children a few weeks before Christmas and basically warns them to behave.....and then of course takes that whip and beats the shit out of them (seriously is anyone else noticing a pattern here?). The good news for the kids though is that IF they take the lesson of the beating and shape up they can avoid further beatings and maybe even get a present.

Oh and by the way, this guy actually HAS found his way into out country (seriously can we PLEASE increase border security, finish the damn fence or something) as he's been seen in many parts of Amish country. So yea, the child beaters even got to this country....you just dont hear anything about it because the Amish dont use twitter.......

So basically Belsnickel is probably the guy who was singing the song in the first place....I mean it is the verbal  threat to compliment his beatings.

But if you note, both of those two old men, and the demon, and Santa himself already know who gets beaten by the time they show up. And that is due to the elves who spy on children by looking down the chimney all year (which is how "He sees you when you're sleeping  and He knows when you're awake ") and are basically controlled by Santa's final helper a man by the name of Zwarte Piet. Piet is also the guy who leaves the infamous coal in your stocking, presumably for the kids who wernt good enough to get presents but not bad enough to be kidnapped by Krampus. 

Oh yea, there is probably something I should tell you about Zwarte Piet, he is Santa's personal SLAVE!

Which actually isnt that shocking.....given this is the same evil jackass who surrounds himself with child beaters and kidnappers. BUT heres the thing, the fact that Zwarte Piet is Santa's slave, isnt the worse part.

In English his name means "Black Peter" and it's meant literally....see he looks like this:

Yea, thats right, Santa keeps a black man as his slave......*face palm*

So yea just remember next time you hear the song "Santa Claus is coming to town" RUN LIKE HELL....or else your gonna get your ass beat.


(by the way, in case anyone wants to know. YES those are all real companions of Santa's from various European countries, and they do ALL exist today (as do several others who fill similar roles historically). However their roles and history's (especially in the case of Black Peter) have been changed, and they have all been made much more "child friendly". But the descriptions I gave are, broadly speaking, accurate as far as their original roles go. Except for the kidnapped kids becoming elf's I have no idea what actually happened to them but that seemed like a funny and logical conclusion. I also actually meant to do this on the 5th or 6th, those being the traditional feast days (depending on county) for St. Nicholas, which was basically Christmas back in the day, but I got side tracked. So yea hopefully this is close enough.)

Slapaho and the Violence Against Women Act

So I know not many people know this about me (even my parents dont), but I'm actually part Native American. Specifically I'm a member of the Slapaho tribe. Which is why on behalf of my fellow Hoslappers I'm thrilled we have a congressman like House Majority Leader Eric Cantor.

See every so often congress passes this bill called the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which basically says I cant lay down the law, even in my own home when the bitch is a few minutes late bringing me my meals. I mean if I cant use my belt to teach her a lesson, how the fuck is she gonna learn 5 o'clock means 5 o'fucking clock, not 5:01? (Well assuming I had a wife.....for some odd reason no woman wants to marry me)

Luckily for me, this time around the VAWA hasnt been renewed since September of last year. Why? Well God's Own Party, or as they are also called, the republicans, are taking a heroic stand to protect my right to smack that bitch. AND as a bonus they are taking a stand on good ole transitional values, the same values I plan on bringing my son up with someday, at least once I can figure out how to "illegitimately rape" a woman so she gets preggers.

See the GOP objections to the bill as proposed this time is that is it strengthened protections for furener's, Injuns, carpet munchers, fags, and other abominations in the eyes of the lord. Sadly for the future of this country the evil commie-nazis over in the senate passed a version of the bill that did protect all those inferior types.

Which means even though the House of Representative's of God's Will on Earth passed the version that protects my family values by allowing me to stick my fist in a dyke, and only protects married straight real american women, or as I like to think of it, God's chosen  it wasnt good enough. Now they actually have to compromise.....which we all know is code for sell out to the Muslim Kenyan illegally occupying the White House.

Sadly for God and the future of the country, the GOP already caved on protecting the faeries and illegals who took my job. But they is standing strong on the god given right to slap a redwoman.

In fact according to some reports squaw smacking is about the only thing the RINO's who took over my republican party are willing to stand strong on. So on behalf on my native brothers in the slapaho tribe we all thank Eric Cantor for standing firm on our rights, even if he is selling our country out to the gay agenda otherwise.

I wish other republicans would do the same, but sadly they have all been cowed by the lamestream media into offering more compromises so as to not be called "racist", which as we all know is just a lefty buzzword for conservative. See RINO sellouts like Darell Issa and the tax traitor Tom Cole have already offered an amendment that would allow Native Women to choose to have the federal government protections for their given case, instead of letting the local tribal law apply (as is the case now without VAWA). Which they claim is a compromise from giving natives the assumed protection of federal laws as the VAWA does, because it actually thinks bitches are created equal to us men folk.

But that aint no compromise, cause we all know what that means, I mean women are nothing but slaves to the left wing, and we know they love their government gifts and free handouts like contraception, so they will of course always choose to be slaves to the government so that they can have slut-sex with anyone they want, instead of how god intended, Sex whenever their Husband wants. So to get her slut pills every native woman will of course opt for the government to "protect" her.

But luckily for us, Leader Cantor has already rejected the traitors bill and will fight to defend real american liberty, the kind that says I can beat my native american wife as god intended. Three cheers for the savior of the Slapaho people. Hip Hip Horray!!!!!!

Stand Strong Leader Cantor, Stand Strong.

When "No" doesnt actually mean "No"

So everyone remember's Mr. Legitimate Rape Todd Akin right? or more to the point, everyone remembers the fallout around his comments right?

See for whatever reason, in a party that also had Richard "rape babies are a gift from god" Murdoch, Joe "science means women never die in pregnancy anymore" Walsh. and Tom "Rape is just like having a baby out of wedlock" Smith, and in a party that made Paul "Rape is just another form of conception" Ryan the Vice Presidential nominee, Akin got the most attention.

And no, it wasnt because he was the first, that would actually be Ryan and Smith. And to be honest it's not even because his statement was worse, I mean I realize its subjective, but that would be Smith in my opinion, as he clearly fails to grasp two concepts (rape and having a baby out of wedlock) in one comment.

But all that aside it was Akin, rightly or wrongly that endured people's wraith. In fact he became so so tainted, no body wanted to be associated with him. In fact Sen John Cornyn, who heads up the National Republican Senatorial Committee, the group basically in charge of getting republican's elected to the Senate said, when asked about supporting Akin “We’re done.” and added that as far as Akin actually winning “As far as I’m concerned, that’s up to the people of Missouri, I’ve done everything I know how to do.” Cornyn as said (just in case there was any confusion) "We continue to hope that Congressman Akin will do the right thing for the values he holds dear, but there should be no mistake – if he continues with this misguided campaign, it will be without the support and resources of the NRSC.”

Now no matter if your pro choice or pro life, if you dont like insane candidates, the ones who claim for example that if your raped you cant get pregnant, so if you get pregnant you secretly wanted it (which is basically Akin's claim), you should be thrilled with the NRSC's move cutting all funding to Akin.....basically cutting him lose.

EXCEPT..............................they didnt.

See it turns out oddly enough, that that giant "NO" Senator Cornyn gave about supporting and funding Akin actually meant "YES". Which to be fair is what his eye's were saying all along. And the way he was dresssed? totally was asking for it............

Seriously though, after very publicly denouncing him and cutting funding, the NRSC stood by it's decision....up until the point the financial disclosure form for that particular month wouldnt have to be released until after the election. THEN they gave him a shit ton of money, $760,000, to try to boost his campaign.

You know once you, the public, until after you had already voted with all the other republican's. Because its not that they didnt like Akin, its just they didnt want to to know about it......easier to get you put out and let them into your ballot box that way, if you dont know they are still seeing their crazy ex on the side. Once tey got you to vote with them, which is all they were really into you for anyways, then they dont really care. I mean they got what they wanted.....its your tough luck for believing them when they said they hadnt been seeing the crazy ex anymore.

So what was the actual period of time between Akin getting cut off and Akin managing to score again with some of that sweet sweet cash? about 7 weeks. Now look I'm sure you can argue that the 7 weeks on his own might very well be the reason Akin lost, given the lead his opponent opened on him in that period ...and you might even be right.  But it doesnt change the fact the GOP came crawling back to him.

See the moral of the story here is that to the Republican's, the crazy pro lifers are basically the nerdy, geeky, pimply faced fat kids, who as it turns out are amazing in the sack. They dont publicly want to admit to sleeping with them cause they know their friends and everyone else will mock them, but they know they always will because its they like it just that much.

To be fair it also explains why people like Akin, Murdoch, Ryan, Walsh, Smith, ect feel free to say crazy, unpopular and medically untrue, things about rape or really any other issue. They know full well that when the GOP says "NO" it really means "call me later".

Also oddly enough also might explain why they are so confused over rape in the first place, No actually meaning No seems to be a foreign concept in the GOP at all levels.      

Hey Woman get your ass in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

So two weeks ago FOX news published an op-ed called the war on men. See it turns out the death of traditional marriage basically can be blamed on feminism going to war to men. After all "Women aren’t women anymore." says the article.

"In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs."

You know the things you silly girls mistakenly thought were rightfully yours, like a Job, or the ability to make equal pay, or the ability to leave the house. Foolish female, those were never yours. No see your separate but equal pedestal is in the living room (see that way when your standing on it you can dust the top of the bookshelf, naturally).

So what should you do to get your pedestal back? well first dont be a slut. Keep your legs closed.

"It’s all so unfortunate – for women, not men. Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever. It’s the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature they’re forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men’s linear career goals – they need men to pick up the slack at the office – in order to live the balanced life they seek."

And hell of COURSE you should bear the consequences of sex. Contraception just encourages you to be slutty. But the more important point here, seems to be you need to stop trying to lead a balanced life and instead let me and my testicles handle the hard work at the office. You can make dinner.

Seriously though how do you fix imbalance and stop being so angry so you can land a "real man" and get married? easy enough "Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs".

Now here's the problem of course, assuming your the type of real woman this article was aimed it, it's actually not that helpful, other then quitting your job so I can do it, and keeping your legs closed till I put a ring on it, there isnt much help in the article to help you get a man and be happy cause you got one. Well fear not. See today FOX news published a follow up article explaining exactly how to surrender.

"You begin by accepting that men and women are different. Equal, but different."

Dont worry, Equal but DIFFERENT is a totally different policy then Separate but equal was in the south. I'm sure your allowed to use the same water fountains.....well unless they are in an office building.

"Here’s what we know: Females, in general, are nurturing and relational beings. They like to gather and nest and take care of people. They like to commiserate with other females – a lot. That’s why girls can talk for hours on end. It’s why more women stay home with their children than men. It’s why the teaching and caregiving professions are still heavily female."

Unlike men. we just like to hit things and fuck. And when we are forced to communicate we do it in grunt. Right Tim "the toolman" Taylor?.  (its also why we like blowjobs......its about the only way we get y'all to shut up for 20 minutes or so, given just how much you talk for hours on end)

And I'm glad this article finally told the truth about why teaching and caregiving fields are heavily female. Evil History Feminists will tell you its because of labor discrimination and only traditionally allowing you to work to specific fields. But as this article reveals its just that your separate but equal equal but different from Men and that is the only appropriate place outside the kitchen and bedroom for you.

And whats the roll for us men? Well "Males, on the other hand – in general – are loners. They’re content to mill about in their man caves. They like to hunt. They like to build things and kill things."

In other words "Hulk Smash". And thats actually kinda true, thats why we need you women folk to take care of us....we are really simple creatures. 

Now I know what some of you misguided and foolish females are thinking "Gone are the days of the breadwinning husband and the homemaking wife, right? So if I’m not referring to Ward and June Cleaver, what on earth do I mean? As Lia asked, what does it mean for “today’s world”?

It means women shouldn’t let their success in the workplace become the biggest thing in their lives.

If the ultimate goal is lasting love, women are going to have to become comfortable with sacrifice and capitulation".
See its easy, quit your job.....or at least make it secondary to taking care of your man and all those children your going to have with birth control (again we cant risk you being a SLUT and actually likeing sex) and then follow these simple rules:

Rule one: "Give up, your wrong I'm right"
Rule two: If I'm wrong, see rule one.

Actually to be fair, there is a bit more too it then that, as the article states:

"Love today has become a power struggle, largely because women have been conditioned to keep their guard up – as though men and marriage will swallow them whole. As Sandra Bullock once said to Barbara Walters, “I’d always had this feeling that if you got married, it was like the end of who you were.” That attitude is commonplace, and it’s the direct result of a generation of feminists who told their daughters never to depend on a man."

See thats mistake one, ALWAYS assume you cant do it and need a man to do it. Trust me you'll feel better.

"We live in a new world. But that doesn’t mean it’s a better world. Women are struggling more than ever with how to rectify their desire for independence with their desire for love. These two things can be reconciled. But you must first be open to ideas that sound blasphemous.

Just because you make your own money doesn’t mean your guy can’t pay the bill. Just because you value independence doesn’t mean you can’t take your husband’s last name. Just because you can do the same job a man can do doesn’t mean you need to let him know it."

See, just accept that Only certain jobs are open to you, accept your identity and Mrs. [ INSERT NAME OF MALE HERE] and that your just an extension of said male, and things will be easier. 

Also on dates, let us pay for EVERYTHING, its fine, really. we dont expect you to be earning money anyways. So we dont expect you to pay for a thing.

So to sum up, I turn once again to the article: "Surrendering to your femininity means many things. It means letting your man be the man despite the fact that you’ve proved you’re his equal. It means recognizing the fact that you may very well want to stay home with your babies – and that that’s normal. It means if you do work outside the home, you don’t use your work to play tit-for-tat in your marriage. It means tapping into that part of yourself that’s genuinely vulnerable and really does need a man – even though the culture says you don’t."

So yea to my female readers I hope you found this a valuable lesson in how to land a real catch for yourself. And by the way, I'm single. Just putting it out there in case you want a man who will treat you like a REAL woman. And as those articles point out, its not that bad.

Of course I do realize sadly, that many of my female readers wont actually be able to read this. After all it is near 6 o'clock, and I'm sure all the good girls are in the kitchen slaving to get dinner on the table for their men. And if your not, please ignore the preceding paragraph, your totally NOT marriage material.

And by the way. if you disagree with anything I've said, please leave me a comment and let me know. Unless your a woman cause thats totally NOT your place.

(And for those who care the FOX news articles 1st one "war on men" and the 2nd "calling a truce" )

Meet the "new" republican party....just as dumb as the old party

So who here knows who Bobby Jindal is?

Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana 

You might remember him as being the guy who botched the GOP reply to Obama's state of the union? you might remember him as the guy who after the BP oil spill criticized the president for not sending his state enough National Guard troops....only to have it come out he had been sent many more then he asked and refused to use them.

Or maybe you've just recently become aware of him, since he is supposed to one of the early frontrunners for the GOP presidency. Now especially if your fall into that last group, you might need to pay attention.

See it turns out in addition to being the Gov of LA, and the future of the GOP (in theory), the man is also a world class idiot. 

Who here knows what the Fiscal Cliff is? even vaguely? I mean you all know it involves tax increases and massive spending cuts right? well congratulations your now smarter then Bobby Jindal. 

From his new Op-ed in politico:

"Today it’s the fiscal cliff, but that surely will not be the end of it; next year it will be the fiscal mountain, after that the fiscal black hole, and after that fiscal Armageddon. But the truth is Washington already drove us off the fiscal cliff while no one was looking. A nation that has a $16.3 trillion debt, a debt that is larger than our entire economy, has already driven through the guard rail and is in free fall with the cliff somewhere in the rear view mirror."

Yea see, Bobby heres the thing, the Fiscal Cliff is not a shorthand for the national debt. In fact it is (we all hope) a one off event, that was designed never to happen at all.

And oddly enough it was created by YOUR party when they decided they weren't going to pay the bills on the very spending they ran up, with out massive cuts to be agreed upon later, and that got mixed in with the expiration of temporary tax cuts YOUR party passed

Point is though, if we go over the cliff or not, there wont be a "fiscal mountain", or "fiscal black hole" or any other term you want to use, because heres the thing WE WONT BE DOING THIS AGAIN, because all the unique events required to create it wont happen again.

Now I agree, IF the fiscal cliff was another way of saying Debt, you MIGHT have a point....maybe. But its not so you dont.

Now given that we have established you actually dont know what the fiscal cliff IS...and somehow think is a synonym for the national debt lets take a look at some of your solutions to avoid future fiscal cliffs (this should be fun) (note in the original these are bullet points) 

"A federal balanced budget amendment. States have balanced budget laws, small businesses have to balance their budgets, and families have to do the same. This is an idea that is supported by virtually every American who does not live in the 202 area code. It’s common sense. It is also laughed at in Washington. When you mention the BBA as a solution, they roll their eyes and write you off as a non-serious person. But the American public is dead serious about it, and they should be."

Two things: 1 most american families DO NOT have a balanced budget. Most American families have at least one of the following: Mortgage, Car Payment, Student Loan, Credit Card Debt. Now you can call it what ever you like, but all four of those things are just a fancy way of saying "debt". Every american family goes into debt pretty much all the time, with the expectation they can pay it off later. Now I do have to agree with you that, because your party has done a really good job of lying to convincing people that somehow magically those types of debt dont count as debt the majority (65%) DO support you.

And BTW, Im sure as governor, and a governor bound by a BBA, you know this next part, but you do know HOW you manage to balance your budget every year right? you BORROW money from the federal government. Which increases this thing called debt.  

2: now we get back to the whole "you dont understand what the fiscal cliff is do you?" problem. See again the fiscal cliff REALLY is a ton of cuts we need to make to make our budget for the year. Or basically EXACTLY the same thing you claim we NEED to do with a BBA. Therefore IF you actually want to stop the fiscal cliff from becoming a "fiscal mountain" or "fiscal black hole" each time we go through this, a BBA amendment would be EXACTLY the wrong thing to do. 

Now on to your next genius idea to stop something you dont understand:

"Place a cap on discretionary and mandatory federal spending by fixing a limit on it tied to a percentage of GDP. Eighteen percent is a reasonable number in my book, but almost any number would be a victory at this point. Require a super majority vote to over-ride this limit, which would allow for recourse in a time of war or other national emergency. Again, this solution makes far too much sense to be taken seriously in Washington, a sure sign that it’s a good idea. This president is rapidly making a permanently higher level of government spending the new normal."

In other words, make sure the federal government regularly has make massive cuts across the board to stay with in its budget. Or to put it another way FISCAL CLIFF ALL THE TIME! YAY! Once again remember this is supposed to be Jindal's advice on how NOT to repeatedly go over the fiscal cliff.

"A super majority to increase taxes. Make it harder for the politicians in Washington to simply take more from Americans, thereby forcing them to stop growing government. Yes, Washington hates this idea, so it should be pursued with vigor."

See that way revenue ALWAYS drops, and we have to borrow more, which will run up the debt leading to a bigger fiscal cliff when we are forced to make the cuts your first two ideas would require, a bigger fiscal mountain, if you will, or maybe we will call it a black hole. Or to put it another way FISCAL CLIFF NOW!  FISCAL CLIFF TOMORROW! FISCAL CLIFF FOREVER! 

Also side note: majority of Americans (65% oddly enough) ALSO favor RAISING taxes, kinda odd that you forgot to give a damn about what the majority of Americans thought when they didn't agree with you...

And your last point:

"Term Limits. I know, I know, we can’t do that. But we should. And while we are at it, how about forbidding congressmen from lobbying for 5 years after they leave office."

Hawkeye is my favorite Avenger. What does that have to do with the Fiscal Cliff and preventing it in the future? fucked if I know, but its at least as relevant to the issue as your comment. (although for the record I actually agree with you on this one, but thats not the point) 

Oh and one last thing, your concluding paragraph (which to be fair I'm not quoting in full) includes this line: "It seems to be a given that we will once again raise the debt ceiling"

Normally I would ask you why your surprised about that, I mean really whats shocking about the fact we pay our bills (which is basically what the raising debt ceiling allows)? but it occurs to me, you probably dont actually know what the debt ceiling is anymore then you know what the fiscal cliff is.

So instead I will just end with this: Governor Jindal when it comes to the Fiscal Cliff.....

(in fairness to the Gov, if people want to see his full Op-ed click here )

That awkward moment when......

We all had them in life. You know what I'm talking about. Those super awkward moments where we all go "Oh man I cant believe I just said/did that". Well it turns out the life of an elected official is no different:

Example one: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell brought a bill to the floor today that he was SURE the democrats would never touch: a bill that would cede all the power for raising the debt limit to the president (and therefore all the blame from the far right every time he did so) and leave congress only with the power to veto the proposal with a 2/3rds vote in both houses. Which is actually a fairly smart solution, it means the president can always basically raise the debt ceiling and Republicans never have to actually vote for it. So they never betray their principals and all the "budget hawks" (by which of course I mean people who love spending and hate paying the bill.....)will blame the president. McConnell even named his plan the "McConnell plan".

Turned out, Sen McConnell had made one slight miscalculation in his plan. See he didnt think the Democrats would go for the plan, after all those same "fiscal hawks" and a fair number of others would be mad about them ceding power to the president. And really who wants the political firestorm. And of course since the Democrats wouldnt pass the bill, when the Debt Ceiling negotiations came up in February and the GOP once again objected to paying their bills to show how "serious" they are about not spending (and yes I know it doesnt make logical sense....) without getting massive concessions from the Dem's, likely undoing all the tax increases and cuts they dont like with the fiscal cliff talks, the Dem's couldnt object. I mean after all it would be the Democrats own fault they were in this position  they hadnt passed the "McConnell plan" to take that power away from the GOP and give it to the president.

But like I said, McConnell miscalculated. Turns out the Democrat's LOVE his plan and couldnt wait to pass it. Which would mean McConnell just gave up the very thing his counterpart in the House Speaker Boehner was calling "his leverage" and therefore the GOP would have no real way to force a re-negotiation on their terms, to cancel out the fiscal cliff negotiations they are going to lose on. Which means for the sake of the GOP the "McConnell plan" could never be allowed to pass.

And it didnt. At the end of the day the "McConnell plan" was filibustered, and the filibuster was lead by one Mitch McConnell......That's awkward.


Example two: Yesterday House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said there would be no adjournment of the house “until a credible solution to the fiscal cliff has been found." He added that due to "number of outstanding legislative items that we must revolve, members are advised that the House will now be in session the week of December 17.” before once again adding “members are further reminded that the House will not adjourn the 112th Congress until a credible solution to the fiscal cliff has been found.”

He was backed on this play by John Boehner, who said he wasnt going anywhere until a deal was reached.

And heres the thing, it sounds great. Especially given that the house hasnt had a 5 day work week in a long time, they work 4 days,then usually adjourn for the next 6 work days (and of course the weekend). So at least for once the house seems serious right?

Well except for one minor problem. Two minutes before Cantors announcement, which again was YESTERDAY, the House of Representatives voted to Adjourn itself for the week. Thats right, it's Wednesday and they are DONE for the week. In fairness though, its not their last day of the session. They WILL be back....next Tuesday.

Because again “members are further reminded that the House will not adjourn the 112th Congress until a credible solution to the fiscal cliff has been found.” except for when it does. I mean after all we dont want to work too hard right? we might accidentally fix something or do something.
Again like I said......That's awkward.